The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write about 180 words.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write about 180 words.

The pie chart given displays what did the graduates from Anthropological course did categorize into two main types namely full-time and part-time works and those who are not occupied or unknown. Meanwhile, the table delineates the rate of wages that each type of jobs provided for them throughout the 5-year period, freelance consultants, government sector and private companies, respectively.
Overall, while most of former students prefer full-time work, those who decided to do part-time work and study after graduated are the demographic minorities according to the pie chart. Besides, concerning the table, the majority of students gravitates towards above -100,000$ works regardless of which kinds they are engaged in.
Looking first at the different employments, over a half of graduates (52%) only dedicate to their careers, which is more than ten times higher than the figure for those who work accompanying with study, at 5%. Moreover, full-time study after graduated and unnamed occupations are also minorities with 8% the same, while unemployment and part-time work account for 12% and 14% correspondingly.
Regarding the average salaries of these former Anthropological colleges after 5 years, exactly 50% of governmental workers are paid below 100,000 dollars. Furthermore, the advisors for self-employed are the same figure for 75000-99,999$ an above 100,000$ payments with 40%. Similarly, the lowest earnings are the same proportion for both jobs recently with 5%. Finally, 35% of private entrepreneurs labor receiving 50,000-74,999$ from their works, which is only 5% more than that of the highest remuneration.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "did categorize into" -> "are categorized into"
   Explanation: "Did categorize" is an awkward construction; "are categorized" uses the present passive voice, which is more appropriate for describing the contents of a chart in an academic context.

2. "those who are not occupied or unknown" -> "those who are unemployed or whose status is unknown"
   Explanation: "Not occupied" is vague; "unemployed" is a precise term. "Unknown" should be clarified as "whose status is unknown" to enhance clarity.

3. "the rate of wages that each type of jobs provided for them" -> "the wage rates associated with each type of job"
   Explanation: "Rate of wages" is somewhat awkward; "wage rates" is more concise and formal. "Provided for them" is unnecessary and can be omitted for clarity.

4. "while most of former students prefer" -> "while most former students prefer"
   Explanation: "Most of former students" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "most former students" to correctly refer to the group.

5. "those who decided to do part-time work and study after graduated" -> "those who chose to engage in part-time work while studying after graduation"
   Explanation: "Decided to do" is informal; "chose to engage in" is more formal. "After graduated" should be "after graduation" for grammatical accuracy.

6. "the demographic minorities according to the pie chart" -> "the demographic minority, as indicated by the pie chart"
   Explanation: "Demographic minorities" is vague; "demographic minority" is more precise. "According to" can be replaced with "as indicated by" for a more formal tone.

7. "the majority of students gravitates towards above -100,000$ works" -> "the majority of students gravitate towards jobs with salaries exceeding $100,000"
   Explanation: "Gravitates towards" is awkward; "gravitate towards" is the correct form. "Above -100,000$ works" is unclear; "jobs with salaries exceeding $100,000" is clearer and more formal.

8. "over a half of graduates (52%) only dedicate to their careers" -> "more than half of graduates (52%) are solely dedicated to their careers"
   Explanation: "Over a half" is less common; "more than half" is more standard. "Only dedicate to" should be "are solely dedicated to" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

9. "which is more than ten times higher than the figure for those who work accompanying with study" -> "which is more than ten times greater than the figure for those who work while studying"
   Explanation: "Higher" is less precise than "greater" in this context. "Accompanying with study" is awkward; "while studying" is clearer.

10. "full-time study after graduated" -> "full-time study after graduation"
    Explanation: "Graduated" should be "graduation" to maintain grammatical consistency.

11. "unnamed occupations are also minorities with 8% the same" -> "unnamed occupations also represent a minority at 8%"
    Explanation: "Are also minorities with" is awkward; "also represent a minority at" is clearer and more formal.

12. "the same figure for 75000-99,999$ an above 100,000$ payments with 40%" -> "the same proportion of 40% for those earning between $75,000 and $99,999 and those earning above $100,000"
    Explanation: "Figure" is vague; "proportion" is more precise. The structure is clarified for better readability.

13. "the lowest earnings are the same proportion for both jobs recently with 5%" -> "the lowest earnings are represented by the same proportion of 5% for both job categories"
    Explanation: "Are the same proportion for both jobs recently" is awkward; "are represented by the same proportion of 5% for both job categories" is clearer and more formal.

14. "35% of private entrepreneurs labor receiving 50,000-74,999$ from their works" -> "35% of private entrepreneurs earn between $50,000 and $74,999 from their work"
    Explanation: "Labor receiving" is awkward; "earn" is more straightforward. "From their works" should be "from their work" for grammatical accuracy.

15. "which is only 5% more than that of the highest remuneration" -> "which is only 5% higher than the highest remuneration"
    Explanation: "More than that of" is unnecessarily complex; "higher than" is more concise and direct.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay states that "the majority of students gravitates towards above -100,000$ works regardless of which kinds they are engaged in," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also does not make any comparisons between the two data sets.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by making more comparisons between the two data sets. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of graduates who are employed full-time to the percentage of graduates who are employed part-time. The essay could also compare the average salaries of graduates in different types of employment.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization of information, but it lacks a clear overall progression. While it attempts to categorize the graduates’ employment status and salaries, the connections between ideas are not consistently logical or coherent. There are instances of inadequate use of cohesive devices, leading to confusion in some areas. For example, phrases like "the majority of students gravitates towards above -100,000$ works" are unclear and could confuse the reader. Additionally, the paragraphing is not always logical, as some ideas are not clearly separated, making it difficult to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring paragraphs around single main ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that all sentences contribute directly to the main point of each paragraph will improve overall progression. Lastly, proofreading for clarity and grammatical accuracy can help eliminate confusion and enhance the overall readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common lexical items (e.g., "delineates," "demographic minorities"), there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "what did the graduates from Anthropological course did," "gravitates towards above -100,000$ works"). Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation (e.g., "colleges" instead of "graduates," "labor receiving" instead of "earning"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting overall clarity.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using it accurately in context. Practicing the use of synonyms and collocations can help avoid repetition and improve precision. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will aid in clearer communication. Engaging with a variety of texts can also provide exposure to more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, such as awkward phrasing ("what did the graduates from Anthropological course did") and incorrect preposition use ("gravitates towards above -100,000$ works"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Punctuation is also faulty in places, further impacting clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence forms to demonstrate flexibility.
2. Error Correction: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and preposition use.
3. Punctuation: Improve punctuation usage to enhance clarity and flow.
4. Clarity of Expression: Aim for clearer phrasing to ensure that the intended meaning is easily understood.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart provided illustrates the employment status of graduates from an Anthropology course, categorized into two main types: full-time and part-time work, as well as those who are unemployed or whose status is unknown. Meanwhile, the table outlines the salary ranges for these graduates after five years in various roles, including freelance consultants, government positions, and private companies.

Overall, while the majority of former students prefer full-time employment, those who choose part-time work or further study after graduation represent a minority, according to the pie chart. Additionally, the table indicates that most graduates earn salaries exceeding $100,000, regardless of their employment type.

Focusing first on employment types, over half of the graduates (52%) are fully dedicated to their careers, which is more than ten times higher than the 5% who work while studying. Furthermore, those engaged in full-time study after graduation and those with unknown occupations also represent minorities, each at 8%. Unemployment and part-time work account for 12% and 14%, respectively.

Regarding the average salaries of these former Anthropology graduates after five years, exactly 50% of government workers earn below $100,000. Additionally, the percentage of self-employed consultants earning between $75,000 and $99,999 is the same as those earning above $100,000, at 40%. Similarly, the lowest earnings are consistent across both job types, with 5% for each. Finally, 35% of private entrepreneurs earn between $50,000 and $74,999, which is only 5% more than the highest remuneration category.