The chart shows Australian home Internet use by reasons and age groups. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows Australian home Internet use by reasons and age
groups.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table chart illustrates the figure of home Internet user by reason and age groups in Australian.
Overall, emailings was the highest Internet users percentage, and group above 60 – 65 age were used emailings most and the lowest was the group 18 – 25 age. In contrast, group of 18 – 25 age that used social media had the highest percentage and above 60 – 65 age group was lowest figure. The group age that most use paying bills online was above 60 – 65 years old.

Emailings had the highest percentage with 70% Internet users, followed by paying bills online and social media, with 50% and approximately 43%, respectively.
The group age which most used emailings was above 60 – 65 years old with 80%, and the lowest figure of Internet users in Emailings was group 18 – 25 with 60%. Likewise, the most figure of paying bills online users was group above 60 – 65 and group 18 – 25 was the lowest with 60%. Conversely, social media users of group 18 – 25 was the highest percentage with 100% and group above 60 – 65 was the lowest with approximately 25%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"figure of home Internet user" -> "number of home Internet users"
Explanation: "Figure" can refer to a numerical value, but it’s more commonly used to represent a shape or form. "Number" is a more precise term when referring to quantities.
"emailings" -> "email usage"
Explanation: "Emailings" is not a standard term for the use of email. "Email usage" is a more appropriate and commonly used phrase.
"group above 60 – 65 age" -> "age group 60 – 65 and above"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "age group 60 – 65 and above" provides clarity and follows standard conventions for describing age groups.
"used emailings" -> "utilized email"
Explanation: "Used emailings" is awkward phrasing. "Utilized email" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of using email.
"percentage" -> "proportion"
Explanation: While "percentage" is correct, using "proportion" adds variety to the vocabulary and maintains clarity in the context of discussing proportions of Internet users.
"most use paying bills online" -> "most frequently use online bill payment"
Explanation: "Most use paying bills online" lacks clarity and is grammatically incorrect. "Most frequently use online bill payment" is clearer and grammatically accurate.
"Emailings" -> "Email usage"
Explanation: Consistency in terminology is important. Since "emailings" was changed to "email usage" earlier, it should be consistent throughout.
"figure of Internet users in Emailings" -> "percentage of Internet users who used email"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and awkward. Clarifying that it refers to the percentage of Internet users who used email makes the statement more precise.
"most figure of paying bills online users" -> "highest proportion of online bill payers"
Explanation: "Most figure of paying bills online users" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Highest proportion of online bill payers" is more precise and grammatically accurate.
"social media users of group 18 – 25" -> "users aged 18 – 25 on social media"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "users aged 18 – 25 on social media" improves clarity and follows standard conventions for describing age groups and their activities.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

[
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the main features of Australian home Internet use by reasons and age groups. It provides an overview of the data and attempts to highlight key features such as the highest and lowest percentages for each age group and internet use reason. However, there are several issues with clarity and accuracy. For instance, the essay lacks coherence in its presentation, and there are inconsistencies in the reported percentages, which could confuse the reader. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in the reporting of the data, such as stating that social media usage for the age group 18-25 is 100%, which seems unlikely.
How to improve: Ensure consistency and accuracy in reporting the data. Provide clear and coherent explanations of the main features without exaggeration or inaccuracies. Organize the information logically to enhance readability and comprehension. Consider using precise language and avoiding vague expressions like "approximately" where possible. Proofread the essay to eliminate grammatical errors and improve overall clarity.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization by separating the discussion into paragraphs, each focusing on different aspects of the data. However, there is a lack of overall progression in the essay, as it jumps between discussing different age groups and reasons for internet use without a clear flow. There are attempts at using cohesive devices, such as transition words like "overall," "in contrast," and "likewise," but they are used inconsistently and sometimes incorrectly. Repetition occurs with phrases like "highest percentage" and "lowest figure," which could have been avoided with better referencing. Paragraphing is utilized, but not always logically, as there are abrupt transitions between topics within paragraphs.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each age group’s internet usage reasons separately, and a conclusion summarizing the main findings. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and sentences are smooth and logical. Use a variety of cohesive devices consistently and accurately to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Avoid unnecessary repetition by employing referencing and substitution effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which minimally serves the task. The essay relies heavily on basic vocabulary and repetitive phrases, such as "highest percentage" and "lowest figure." There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, leading to some difficulty in understanding. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies in word formation, such as "emailings" instead of "email" or "email usage." However, the overall message is conveyed, albeit with some strain for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, aim to diversify vocabulary usage and avoid repetitive phrases. Use more precise and varied vocabulary to convey meanings effectively. Additionally, focus on accuracy in word choice and formation to enhance clarity and coherence. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would also contribute to a smoother reading experience.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of structures and sentence forms, ranging from simple to moderately complex. There is an effort to present an overview of the data, identifying main features and making some relevant comparisons. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay that hinder clarity and accuracy. These errors include issues with verb tense consistency ("was" instead of "were"), incorrect word choices ("figure" instead of "percentage"), and awkward phrasing ("the figure of home Internet user"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors and awkward sentence constructions that reduce the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure variety, ensuring a mix of simple and complex sentences. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Use precise language and appropriate terminology, avoiding vague or awkward expressions. Proofread carefully for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes to ensure clear and effective communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table chart illustrates the usage of home internet in Australia by different age groups and for various reasons. Overall, emailing had the highest percentage of internet users, with the age group over 60 – 65 years old using it the most, and the 18 – 25 age group using it the least. Conversely, the age group 18 – 25 had the highest percentage of social media usage, while those over 60 – 65 years old had the lowest. Additionally, the age group most frequently paying bills online was over 60 – 65 years old.

In terms of specific percentages, emailing accounted for 70% of internet usage, followed by paying bills online and social media, at 50% and approximately 43%, respectively. The age group over 60 – 65 years old was the predominant user of emailing, with an 80% participation rate, while the youngest age group, 18 – 25 years old, had the lowest at 60%. Similarly, the highest proportion of users paying bills online was found among those over 60 – 65 years old, whereas the 18 – 25 age group again had the lowest, at 60%. In contrast, social media usage was most popular among the 18 – 25 age group, at 100%, and least popular among those over 60 – 65 years old, at approximately 25%.

This summary shows clear differences in internet usage preferences across age groups, with older individuals preferring email and bill payments, while younger users favor social media.