The chart shows British emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007

The chart shows British emigration to selected
destinations between 2004 and 2007

The bar chart illustrates how many British people migrated to five particular
destinations from 2004 to 2007.
Overall, there were declines in the numbers of British people emigrating to four
out of five countries examined, with the exception of Australia. It is also clear
that this country consistently had the highest figures throughout the period.
The number of British people emigrating to Australia started at just over 40
000, after which it declined slightly and then, reached a peak of 50000, before
ending the period at 42000. Similar changes, but to a lesser extent, were seen
in the figure for those moving to the US, which hovered around the 20000 mark,
along with NZ. These two countries were among the least popular destinations
for UK immigrants.
With the most significant changes being witnessed in the figure for France,
approximately 22000 English people migrated to France in 2004, with a
subsequent rise to a high of 33000 and a final drop to 18000 in the last year of
the period. Meanwhile, the figures for people moving to Spain and New Zealand
decreased from 32000 to 28000 and from 23000 to 20000, respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"illustrates" -> "depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more sophisticated term often used in formal contexts to describe data representation in graphs and charts.
"started at just over" -> "began at slightly over"
Explanation: "Began" is a more formal synonym for "started," and "slightly over" is a more precise phrase indicating the degree of increase.
"reached a peak of" -> "peaked at"
Explanation: The phrase "peaked at" is more concise and commonly used to indicate a high point in a dataset.
"hovered around" -> "fluctuated around"
Explanation: "Fluctuated around" suggests more variability or movement in numbers, which may be a more appropriate description in this context.
"to a lesser extent" -> "to a smaller degree"
Explanation: "To a smaller degree" is a more formal way of expressing the idea of less intensity or significance.
"approximately" -> "roughly"
Explanation: "Roughly" serves as an alternative to "approximately," providing an equivalent sense of estimation in a more varied way.
"subsequent rise" -> "subsequent increase"
Explanation: "Increase" is a more standard term to describe a numerical change, especially in formal contexts.
"most significant changes" -> "most notable changes"
Explanation: "Notable" suggests a level of prominence or significance, making it a suitable choice in a formal analysis.
"high of" -> "peak of"
Explanation: Replacing "high of" with "peak of" aligns with the terminology typically used in statistical descriptions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in British emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. It presents key features such as the overall decline in emigration numbers to four out of five countries, with Australia being an exception, and highlights the consistent high figures for emigration to Australia throughout the period. The essay also offers specific numerical data for each country mentioned, detailing the changes over the years.

How to improve:
To further enhance the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider extending the discussion of key features beyond numerical changes. Providing more contextual information or analysis could offer a deeper understanding of the trends observed. Additionally, ensure that all information presented remains relevant and accurate, avoiding any unnecessary details that may detract from the main points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific destination and presents data in a sequential manner, contributing to coherence. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth, ensuring a cohesive flow of information. A variety of cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within and between sentences. The central topic of each paragraph is clearly presented, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider incorporating more sophisticated transitional phrases and varied sentence structures. Ensure that all cohesive devices are used consistently and accurately throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph contains a cohesive set of ideas and follows a logical order of presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the trends shown in the chart using varied terminology such as "declines," "figures," "peak," and "significant changes." Additionally, it employs a mix of common and less common vocabulary, such as "emigrating," "witnessed," and "subsequent," which contributes to conveying meaning accurately. However, there are instances where more precise or varied vocabulary could enhance the expression and sophistication of ideas.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the essay could benefit from incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly more sophisticated and nuanced terms where appropriate. Synonyms and alternative expressions could be utilized to avoid repetition, enhancing the overall fluency and richness of the language. Additionally, attention to collocation and word choice would help elevate the lexical quality further. Finally, ensuring accuracy in vocabulary usage and spelling would contribute to a smoother and more polished presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of complex sentence structures, which contributes to coherence and cohesion. It effectively communicates the trends illustrated in the chart with clarity. The essay shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. However, there are some minor errors present, such as missing commas and awkward phrasing, though these do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To improve the score, focus on refining sentence structures for greater clarity and precision. Pay attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart provides a comparison of British emigration to five specific destinations from 2004 to 2007.

Firstly, there was a general decline in the number of British people emigrating to four out of the five countries analyzed, with the exception being Australia. Australia consistently had the highest emigration figures throughout the entire period.

The emigration to Australia began at slightly over 40,000 individuals, then experienced a slight decline before peaking at 50,000, and finally settling at 42,000 by the end of the period. Similar fluctuations, albeit to a lesser extent, were observed in emigration figures to the United States and New Zealand, which remained around the 20,000 mark. These two countries were among the least popular destinations for UK immigrants.

The most significant changes were witnessed in the emigration figure for France. In 2004, approximately 22,000 British people migrated to France. This number subsequently increased to a high of 33,000 before declining to 18,000 by the end of the period. Meanwhile, emigration figures to Spain and New Zealand decreased from 32,000 to 28,000 and from 23,000 to 20,000, respectively.

Overall, the data illustrates the trends in British emigration to these selected destinations over the specified period, showcasing both the variations and consistencies in emigration patterns.