The chart shows the average daily study time for students across five universities, revealing a clear distinction between weekdays and weekends.

The bar chart illustrates the average daily study time for students across five universities, revealing a clear distinction between weekdays and weekends.

Looking across all universities, weekdays see a significant dedication to studying compared to weekends.

It can be seen that at University C, where students dedicate an average of 10.6 hours to weekdays studies, significantly higher than any other university. Interestingly, this commitment dips to a more relaxed 8 hours on weekends. A similar pattern is seen at University B, with weekday studies averaging 10.1 hours compared to 8.6 hours on weekendsand it stands out for its consistent study habits. While their weekday average sits at 9.8 hours, only slightly lower than the top two, they maintain a relatively high average of 9 hours of studying on weekends. This suggests a more balanced approach to studying throughout the week.

In contrast, students at Universities D and E dedicate noticeably less time to studying. Weekday averages fall below 10 hours, at 9.6 and 10 hours respectively. This trend continues on weekends, with University D showing a significant drop to 7.8 hours and University E averaging a low 5.6 hours.

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Errors and Improvements:

"It can be seen that at University C" -> "It is evident that at University C"
Explanation: "It can be seen" is a common phrase, but using "It is evident" adds a touch of formality and certainty to the statement, making it stronger.
"Interestingly, this commitment dips" -> "Notably, this commitment dips"
Explanation: "Interestingly" is somewhat informal; "Notably" maintains the sense of interest but sounds more formal and sophisticated.
"a more relaxed 8 hours" -> "a more moderate 8 hours"
Explanation: "Relaxed" implies casualness, whereas "moderate" conveys a sense of balance and appropriateness in this context.
"Weekday averages fall below 10 hours" -> "Weekday averages drop below 10 hours"
Explanation: "Fall" is a common verb, but "drop" adds variation and emphasis to the sentence, making it more engaging.
"a significant drop to 7.8 hours" -> "a notable decline to 7.8 hours"
Explanation: "Significant drop" is accurate, but "notable decline" offers a more diverse vocabulary choice while maintaining the impact of the decrease.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by describing the average daily study time across five universities, with a clear distinction between weekdays and weekends. The overview is adequate, presenting the key trends. The key features are highlighted, such as the differences in study time between weekdays and weekends and the variations among the universities. However, the details could be more fully extended, and some information is repetitive, like mentioning the distinction between weekdays and weekends multiple times.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific details about the universities and their study habits. It could also avoid repetition and ensure a more balanced focus on all key features. Additionally, enhancing the clarity and coherence of the essay’s structure would strengthen the overall presentation.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information by first introducing the topic and then systematically presenting data from the bar chart. There is a clear progression from discussing overall trends to specific comparisons between universities. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, such as transition words like "looking across," "it can be seen that," "in contrast," and "similarly," aiding in the flow of ideas. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the data, maintaining a clear central topic within each. Overall, the essay demonstrates a logical organization and sufficient cohesion.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider varying sentence structures and using a wider range of cohesive devices. Additionally, ensure that referencing and substitution are clear and consistent throughout the essay. Paying attention to paragraphing and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details will also strengthen the overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is effective use of vocabulary related to describing trends and comparisons, such as "significant dedication," "relaxed," "commitment dips," "maintain a relatively high average," "noticeably less time," and "significant drop." Additionally, less common lexical items are used appropriately, such as "averages," "consistency," and "balanced approach." The essay also displays some awareness of style and collocation, as seen in phrases like "stands out for its consistent study habits" and "suggests a more balanced approach."

However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "8.6 hours on weekendsand" (missing space between "weekends" and "and"). Although these errors are minor, they slightly detract from the overall fluency and accuracy of the lexical resource.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, focus on maintaining consistent accuracy in word choice and collocation throughout the essay. Proofreading for typographical errors like missing spaces or extra characters will help enhance clarity and precision. Additionally, strive to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly in describing trends and making comparisons, to further enrich the lexical range of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones such as subordinate clauses and compound sentences. There is a good attempt to use a range of grammatical structures throughout the essay, enhancing its coherence and readability. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. However, there are a few minor errors in punctuation and grammar, although these do not significantly hinder comprehension. Overall, the essay exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, focus on refining grammatical accuracy further. Pay close attention to punctuation, ensuring consistency and correctness throughout the essay. Additionally, strive to minimize errors in complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and precision. Continued practice and careful proofreading will aid in achieving greater grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the average daily study durations among students enrolled in five distinct universities, showcasing discernible disparities between weekdays and weekends.

Across all universities, weekdays exhibit a pronounced commitment to academic pursuits compared to weekends.

At University C, students exhibit a notable dedication with an average study time of 10.6 hours on weekdays, markedly higher than counterparts in other universities. Conversely, this dedication slightly diminishes to 8 hours on weekends. Similarly, University B showcases a consistent pattern, with students devoting 10.1 hours to weekday studies as opposed to 8.6 hours on weekends, underscoring their steadfast study habits. Although University B’s weekday average of 9.8 hours is marginally lower than the top two universities, its students maintain a relatively high average of 9 hours of weekend study, indicating a well-balanced approach to academic endeavors throughout the week.

Conversely, students at Universities D and E allocate noticeably less time to study. Weekday averages dip below 10 hours, with University D at 9.6 hours and University E at 10 hours respectively. This trend persists on weekends, with University D experiencing a significant decline to 7.8 hours and University E maintaining a modest average of 5.6 hours, reflecting comparatively lower study engagement.