The chart shows the percentage of people who accessed news from 4 sources from 1995 and projection to 2025.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of people using in 4 platforms to update the latest news including TV, radio, newspaper, internet between 1995 and projection to 2025.

Overall, it can be seen that the Internet media are almost favoured than others. However, the number of viewers who accessed TV, newspaper, radio was dropped in many years period. It is continued happened in future 2025.

In 1995, about 70% of people used to TV media as the primary sources for acquiring news , which was hit the highest point for getting news in this period. Besides that, Newspaper and radio have the similar numbers, received 57% and 54%. there was a downward trend in these three sources through the year. The figure of TV program are likely to declining gradually to 50% in 2025. In addition, newspaper and radio also losing 20% at the end of period, respectively. While there was no fluctuate and remained stable at 0% of people using the Internet.

In contrast, it can be clearly that the percentage of news audiences increase roughly in many years later. The internet starting with the lowest point but it growth slightly about 3% in 2000. it is continued climbing marginally nearly 10% between 2010 and 2020. the exception is that TV peaking at roughly 60% population viewing the information from the Internet, which is become the most relevant than others.

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Errors and Improvements:

"using in 4 platforms" -> "utilizing four platforms"
Explanation: "Using" is adequate, but "utilizing" adds sophistication and variety to the language. Also, "four platforms" is more precise than "4 platforms."
"are almost favoured than others" -> "are significantly favored over others"
Explanation: "Almost favored" is somewhat vague. "Significantly favored" provides a clearer indication of preference. Additionally, "over others" emphasizes the comparison more effectively.
"However, the number of viewers who accessed TV, newspaper, radio was dropped" -> "However, the viewership of TV, newspaper, and radio declined"
Explanation: "Was dropped" lacks precision and clarity. "Declined" is a more concise and appropriate term to describe a decrease in viewership.
"It is continued happened in future 2025" -> "This trend is projected to continue into 2025"
Explanation: "It is continued happened" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. "Projected to continue" communicates the future trend more effectively.
"used to TV media" -> "accustomed to TV media"
Explanation: "Used to" typically refers to familiarity or past habits. "Accustomed to" conveys familiarity or habitual behavior more accurately.
"hit the highest point for getting news" -> "peaked as the primary source of news"
Explanation: "Hit the highest point for getting news" is awkward phrasing. "Peaked as the primary source of news" is more concise and appropriate.
"received 57% and 54%" -> "received 57% and 54% respectively"
Explanation: Adding "respectively" clarifies that the percentages refer to newspaper and radio, respectively.
"there was a downward trend in these three sources through the year" -> "These three sources experienced a downward trend over the years"
Explanation: "Through the year" is less precise than "over the years." The latter phrase better captures the extended period of decline.
"The figure of TV program are likely to declining gradually" -> "The percentage of TV viewership is expected to gradually decline"
Explanation: "The figure of TV program" is unclear. "Percentage of TV viewership" clarifies the subject. "Declining gradually" is more concise than "are likely to declining gradually."
"losing 20% at the end of period" -> "decreasing by 20% by the end of the period"
Explanation: "Losing" is imprecise. "Decreasing by" accurately describes the reduction in percentage.
"While there was no fluctuate and remained stable at 0% of people using the Internet" -> "In contrast, the percentage of people using the Internet remained stable at 0% without fluctuation"
Explanation: "No fluctuate" is grammatically incorrect. "Without fluctuation" is more precise. Also, rephrasing the sentence for clarity and coherence.
"it growth slightly about 3%" -> "it experienced a slight growth of about 3%"
Explanation: "It growth slightly about 3%" lacks grammatical correctness and clarity. "Experienced a slight growth of about 3%" provides a clearer description.
"the exception is that TV peaking at roughly 60% population viewing the information from the Internet" -> "The exception is the peak of TV viewership, with roughly 60% of the population obtaining information from the Internet"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and coherence. Rephrasing it clarifies that TV viewership is an exception to the general trend.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the task by presenting an overview of the trends in accessing news from four sources (TV, radio, newspaper, internet) from 1995 to a projection for 2025. The key features, such as the dominance of internet usage over other sources and the decline in traditional media usage, are highlighted. However, some details are inaccurate or inappropriate, such as the statement that internet usage remained stable at 0% throughout the period, which contradicts the earlier mention of internet usage growth. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity.

How to improve: Ensure accuracy and consistency in presenting data and avoid contradicting statements. Focus on clarity and coherence in expressing ideas to improve overall readability. Additionally, strive for grammatical accuracy and precise vocabulary usage.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, as it introduces the topic and provides an overview of the trends. However, there is a lack of overall progression, as some points are not clearly connected or developed. The essay attempts to use cohesive devices but does so inadequately and inconsistently, leading to some confusion. Paragraphing is attempted but is inadequate, with some ideas not logically grouped together.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on better organizing the essay by ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices more effectively and consistently to link sentences and paragraphs logically. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Finally, avoid repetitive language and strive for clarity and precision in expression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but it lacks sophistication and variety. There are repetitive uses of vocabulary, such as "media," "news," and "people," without much variety or depth. Additionally, there are instances of inappropriate word choices and inaccuracies in word formation, such as "Internet media are almost favoured than others" and "the number of viewers who accessed TV, newspaper, radio was dropped." These errors hinder the clarity and effectiveness of communication.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should focus on diversifying their vocabulary by using synonyms and more precise terms. Additionally, they should pay closer attention to word choice and accuracy in word formation to convey ideas more effectively. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using appropriate terminology will enhance the sophistication and clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at utilizing a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an effort to convey ideas with a variety of sentence structures, albeit with inconsistency and occasional awkward phrasing. However, numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues are present throughout the essay, which hinder clarity and comprehension. These errors include issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, article usage, and sentence structure. Additionally, there are instances of unclear or incomplete expression, such as the phrase "the number of viewers who accessed TV, newspaper, radio was dropped."

How to improve: To improve, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and sentence structure coherence. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and revision to correct errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation. Additionally, the writer should aim for clearer and more concise expression of ideas to enhance overall readability. Practicing sentence construction and paying attention to grammar rules would also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph depicts the percentage of individuals utilizing four different platforms to access news updates, namely TV, radio, newspaper, and the internet, spanning from 1995 to a projected period in 2025.

Overall, it is evident that internet-based media are substantially favored over traditional mediums. However, there is a noticeable decline in viewership for TV, newspaper, and radio over the years, a trend projected to continue into 2025.

In 1995, approximately 70% of individuals relied on TV as their primary source of news, marking the zenith of TV viewership during this period. Likewise, newspaper and radio shared similar figures, with 57% and 54% of individuals respectively. However, there was a consistent downward trajectory for these three sources over the years. It is anticipated that the proportion of individuals accessing news via TV will gradually decrease to 50% by 2025, with newspaper and radio experiencing a corresponding decline of 20% each. Conversely, internet usage for news consumption remained stable at 0% throughout this period.

In contrast, there is a notable uptrend in the percentage of individuals accessing news through the internet over the years. Beginning from a modest starting point, internet usage witnessed a slight increase of approximately 3% in 2000, followed by a marginal climb of nearly 10% between 2010 and 2020. Notably, TV peaked at around 60% viewership in 2025, indicating a significant shift towards internet-based news consumption compared to traditional mediums.