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The charts below give information about educational levels in Glasgow, a city in Scotland in 2010

The charts below give information about educational levels in Glasgow, a city in Scotland in 2010

The diagrams graphically depict information regarding the educational level in various groups of age and gender in the city of Glasgow in Scotland in the year 2010.

From an overarching standpoint, it is readily apparent that residents aged over 75 held the distinction of having the highest rate of no qualifications, while most young people from 16 to 24 years old accomplished school certificates, and the age of 25-34 was witnessed with the higher rate in attaining university degree than other given groups of age. In terms of differences in educational level based on gender, both the majority of men and women of all ages were more interested in getting school certificates than other levels in education systems.

Regarding the given bar chart, it is evident that the elderly from over 75% took the lead in having no qualifications, registering at precisely 72%, followed closely by the group of 60-74 years old, accounting for 55%. The following comparison in age ranges is that 39% of people from 45-59 years old had no academic performance, which was three times the group of 25-34 years old’s figures of 12% and fourfold that of young people aged 16-14 years old. Concerning differences in the group of people having school certificates, the youngest group of 16-24 years old surpassed the remaining ages, amounting to 66%, nearly doubling the statistics for the rest of the inhabitants, and quadrupling that of the oldest group of people, registered at 19%. The most popular group of dwellers in Scotland holding a university degree was people aged from 25-34 years old with 53%, followed by the group of 35-44 years old. Other featured ages did not show much of their preference in studying at University to get a Bachelor's Degree since the data in these groups was lower than 40%.

Returning to the dissimilarity of educational level in gender, the statistics for both genders were significantly identical with 39% for school certificates. While 29% of women favored taking a university degree, 32% of men were seen at this level. The distinguished rate of gender for the last educational level was reserved with the previous one.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "accomplished school certificates" -> "attained secondary education certificates"
    Explanation: Using "attained secondary education certificates" instead of "accomplished school certificates" is a more precise and formal way to describe the completion of secondary education.

  2. "witnessed with the higher rate" -> "exhibited a higher rate"
    Explanation: Replacing "witnessed with the higher rate" with "exhibited a higher rate" improves the sentence’s clarity and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

  3. "both the majority of men and women" -> "the majority of both men and women"
    Explanation: Placing "both" before "the majority" results in more grammatical correctness, and "the majority of both men and women" reads more smoothly.

  4. "in getting school certificates" -> "in obtaining secondary education certificates"
    Explanation: Replacing "in getting school certificates" with "in obtaining secondary education certificates" is a more formal and precise way to express the acquisition of secondary education qualifications.

  5. "elderly from over 75%" -> "individuals aged over 75"
    Explanation: Using "individuals aged over 75" is a more respectful and accurate way to refer to the older population.

  6. "took the lead" -> "held the highest percentage"
    Explanation: Replacing "took the lead" with "held the highest percentage" is a more precise way to describe the data and avoids colloquial language.

  7. "accounting for 55%" -> "constituting 55%"
    Explanation: Replacing "accounting for 55%" with "constituting 55%" is a more formal and appropriate choice for presenting statistics.

  8. "39% of people from 45-59 years old" -> "39% of individuals aged 45-59"
    Explanation: Using "39% of individuals aged 45-59" is a more concise and clear way to express the demographic group.

  9. "had no academic performance" -> "lacked formal academic qualifications"
    Explanation: "Lacked formal academic qualifications" is a more precise and formal phrase than "had no academic performance."

  10. "the rest of the inhabitants" -> "other demographic groups"
    Explanation: "Other demographic groups" is a more neutral and clear term to refer to the remaining population segments.

  11. "dwellers in Scotland" -> "residents of Scotland"
    Explanation: "Residents of Scotland" is a more appropriate term to describe the people living in Scotland.

  12. "returning to the dissimilarity" -> "Turning to the disparity"
    Explanation: "Turning to the disparity" is a more suitable phrase to introduce a discussion about gender differences in educational levels.

  13. "significantly identical" -> "remarkably similar"
    Explanation: "Remarkably similar" is a more precise and sophisticated way to describe the similarity between the statistics for both genders.

  14. "favored taking a university degree" -> "preferred pursuing a university degree"
    Explanation: "Preferred pursuing a university degree" is a more formal and precise phrase than "favored taking a university degree."

  15. "The distinguished rate of gender" -> "A notable gender disparity"
    Explanation: "A notable gender disparity" provides a clearer and more formal description of the difference in educational levels between genders.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay provides a generally clear overview of the educational levels in Glasgow in 2010, addressing the main trends and differences. It covers the requirements of the task by presenting data on various age groups and gender. The essay also appropriately highlights key features and bullet points from the given charts, such as the high rate of no qualifications among the elderly and the dominance of school certificates among the 16-24 age group.

However, to achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from some improvements. While it presents a clear overview, the extension of key features and bullet points could be more substantial. The explanation of the data is somewhat brief and lacks depth in places, and there is room for more analysis and insight into the presented statistics. Additionally, the essay contains some minor grammatical errors and could benefit from improved clarity in sentence structure.

How to improve:

  1. Elaborate on the significance of the data: Provide more in-depth analysis and interpretation of the statistics to offer a deeper understanding of the educational trends in Glasgow.
  2. Use more precise language: Ensure that the language used is clear and concise to avoid any ambiguity in conveying information.
  3. Grammar and sentence structure: Review and edit the essay for grammatical errors and improve the overall flow of sentences to enhance readability.
  4. Consider the relevance of certain details: Ensure that all details included are directly relevant to the main points and trends being discussed in the essay. Avoid unnecessary or redundant information.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements and presents a clear overview of the data. With some refinements in analysis and language, it has the potential to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion overall. It logically organizes information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, although there are a few instances of underuse and minor inconsistencies. Paragraphing is generally logical and sufficient.

The introduction sets the stage by providing an overview of the topic, and the subsequent paragraphs flow logically, addressing different aspects of the data presented in the charts. The transitions between ideas are generally smooth, contributing to the essay’s overall coherence.

However, there are minor instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for a more seamless flow. For instance, the transition between the discussion of age groups and gender-related differences could be made smoother.

Additionally, some sentences are quite complex, which may affect overall clarity and cohesion. Simplifying a few of these sentences could enhance the essay’s overall readability and coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Pay close attention to the use of cohesive devices. Ensure that they are consistently used throughout the essay and that they connect ideas effectively.
  2. Work on making transitions between paragraphs and ideas even smoother for a seamless flow.
  3. Simplify complex sentences to enhance overall clarity and cohesion.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, but minor improvements in the use of cohesive devices and sentence structure can lead to an even more polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and lexical resource. It utilizes a variety of vocabulary throughout the essay to describe the charts and convey information effectively. The writer uses precise terminology such as "educational level," "academic performance," and "university degree" appropriately. There is also an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary items, like "dissimilarity," which shows an awareness of style and collocation.

The essay successfully conveys information about the educational levels in Glasgow, using a wide range of vocabulary, and it is generally clear and coherent in its expression. The language used is generally appropriate and sophisticated, contributing to a smooth and engaging reading experience.

There are only occasional minor errors in word choice, such as the use of "accomplished" instead of "achieved" in the sentence "most young people from 16 to 24 years old accomplished school certificates." Additionally, the phrase "registering at precisely 72%" could be made more concise by saying "registering at 72%."

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer can focus on reducing minor inaccuracies in word choice. Additionally, ensuring that sentences are concise and avoiding unnecessary repetition can further improve the overall clarity and sophistication of the essay. Overall, this essay is strong in terms of vocabulary but could benefit from some minor refinements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay falls within the Band 7 criteria for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Here’s why:

  1. The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, such as "From an overarching standpoint" and "Regarding the given bar chart." This shows an attempt at flexibility and complexity in sentence construction.

  2. While there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, the majority of sentences are error-free, and errors do not significantly impede communication. Examples include "the age of 25-34 was witnessed" (awkward phrasing), "people aged from 25-34 years old" (repetitive), and "the distinguished rate of gender" (unclear).

  3. Punctuation and grammar, in general, are well-controlled. However, there are instances where sentence structure and punctuation could be improved for clarity and precision. For instance, "the diagrams graphically depict information" could be more succinctly expressed as "the diagrams depict information graphically."

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the author should focus on the following:

  1. Refine sentence structures for clarity and conciseness. Avoid overly complex sentences that may lead to awkward phrasing.

  2. Review and edit for minor errors and inconsistencies in grammar, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.

  3. Pay attention to punctuation, especially the use of commas, to improve the flow and readability of the text.

  4. Avoid unnecessary repetition, such as mentioning age ranges repeatedly. Instead, use pronouns or rephrase sentences to reduce redundancy.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, but some refinement is needed to reach a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts offer a comprehensive overview of educational attainment among different age groups and genders in Glasgow, Scotland, during the year 2010.

In broad terms, it is evident that individuals aged 75 and above had the highest proportion of individuals without any formal qualifications, standing at a substantial 72%. In contrast, young adults between the ages of 16 and 24 exhibited the highest rate of achievement in school certificates, while the age group of 25-34 demonstrated the highest percentage of individuals attaining university degrees compared to other age groups. Regarding gender-based differences in educational attainment, both men and women across all age brackets displayed a greater inclination towards acquiring school certificates than other educational qualifications.

Turning our attention to the bar chart, it is notable that individuals aged 75 and above had the highest percentage (72%) of those with no formal qualifications, closely followed by the 60-74 age group, which accounted for 55%. In contrast, only 12% of those aged 25-34 had no qualifications, and this figure quadrupled when compared to the youngest age group of 16-24 (3%). Concerning the acquisition of school certificates, the 16-24 age group stood out with a significant percentage of 66%, nearly double the proportion seen in other age groups, and four times higher than the 19% seen in the oldest age category. The age group with the highest proportion of individuals holding university degrees was the 25-34 category, with 53%, followed by the 35-44 age group. Other age groups showed a lower preference for pursuing a university education, with percentages falling below 40%.

Returning to the analysis of gender differences in educational attainment, it is noteworthy that both genders exhibited a similar proportion (39%) of individuals with school certificates. However, 29% of women showed a preference for pursuing university degrees, whereas 32% of men were at this educational level. The distinction in gender preferences for the highest educational level was marginal compared to the previous category.

In conclusion, the charts provide valuable insights into the educational landscape of Glasgow in 2010, highlighting the varying educational achievements across different age groups and a relatively consistent distribution of educational preferences between genders.

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