The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, 2013

The graphs compare ticket prices of a specific airline for a journey from
Sydney to Melbourne, Australia in 2013.
Overall, except for Monday, the two weeks have same prices on the other days.
Generally, ticket prices tend to be much more expensive on weekends than weekdays.

The Monday in the 1st week is recorded the highest price shown on the two charts, with 80$ for a round from Sydney to M.
This price is $30 higher than the price for the same date in the Week 2, which costs only $50.
From Tuesday to Thursday, airplane expenses are the most affordable on both weeks, ranging from approximately $35 to $40.
Subsequently, airline fees suddenly skyrocket to nearly double that of the weekdays, reaching $75 on Friday. This is followed by a small decrease by $5 on Saturday before dropping by an impressive $20 at the end of the week, costing only $50 on Sunday.

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Errors and Improvements:

"except for Monday" -> "with the exception of Monday"
Explanation: "except for Monday" is colloquial; "with the exception of Monday" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"same prices" -> "identical prices"
Explanation: "same prices" is adequate but lacks specificity; "identical prices" is more precise and formal.
"much more expensive" -> "considerably pricier"
Explanation: "much more expensive" is somewhat informal; "considerably pricier" maintains clarity while adding a touch of sophistication.
"The Monday in the 1st week is recorded the highest price" -> "The Monday of the first week recorded the highest price"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and proper grammar.
"with 80$ for a round from Sydney to M" -> "with a round-trip fare of $80 from Sydney to Melbourne"
Explanation: Providing a clearer and more standard expression for the price and the journey.
"This price is $30 higher than the price for the same date in the Week 2" -> "This amount is $30 more than the fare for the same date in Week 2"
Explanation: Using "amount" instead of "price" for clarity, and rephrasing for smoother readability.
"airplane expenses" -> "airfare"
Explanation: "airplane expenses" is not commonly used; "airfare" is the standard term for ticket prices for flights.
"Subsequently" -> "Following this"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is slightly formal; "Following this" maintains the appropriate tone while enhancing readability.
"suddenly skyrocket" -> "suddenly surge"
Explanation: "suddenly skyrocket" is somewhat colloquial; "suddenly surge" is more formal and precise.
"impressive $20" -> "significant $20"
Explanation: "impressive $20" is subjective; "significant $20" provides a more neutral description of the price decrease.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the ticket prices for a specific airline between Sydney and Melbourne in 2013. It adequately highlights key features such as the comparison between weekdays and weekends, as well as the variation in prices across different days of the week. However, some details may be inaccurate or unclear, such as the statement "except for Monday, the two weeks have same prices on the other days," which is not entirely accurate as prices do vary slightly between the weeks. Additionally, the presentation of information could be more organized and cohesive.
How to improve: Ensure accuracy in statements and organize the information in a more structured manner to enhance clarity and coherence. Also, provide more specific details where necessary to support the overview of ticket prices.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, as there is a clear attempt to organize information logically. The essay starts with an overall summary and proceeds to compare ticket prices over two weeks, effectively addressing the central topic. Additionally, there is a clear progression from discussing prices on Monday to Sunday. However, there are some coherence issues, such as the abrupt transition between discussing weekdays and weekends. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat effective, but there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as the abrupt shifts in discussing prices without smooth transitions.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Instead of abruptly shifting from discussing weekdays to weekends, use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the comparison. Additionally, pay closer attention to paragraphing to ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic and follows a logical progression of ideas. Additionally, aim for more consistent and effective use of cohesive devices to create a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, fulfilling the requirements of Band 6. The writer attempts to employ less common vocabulary (e.g., "skyrocket," "subsequently") which adds some variety to the lexical choices, though there are inaccuracies in expression and collocation (e.g., "a round from Sydney to M," "airplane expenses"). There are some errors in word formation and spelling that are evident, such as "Monday in the 1st week is recorded the highest price shown," which exhibits a lack of precision in language control. These errors slightly impede communication but do not fully obscure the intended meaning.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource score, focus on:

Accuracy in Vocabulary Use: Ensure that the vocabulary used is accurate within the context. Phrases like "airplane expenses" could be replaced with more precise terms like "airfare costs."
Expanding Vocabulary Range: Introduce more varied and precise vocabulary that fits the context of the discussion, avoiding overused or overly general words.
Reviewing Collocations and Idioms: Work on common English collocations and idiomatic expressions to improve fluency and naturalness in writing. For instance, "recorded the highest price" could be revised to "showed the highest price."
Consistent Proofreading: Regularly check for and correct spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism in writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating some variety in sentence structure. There is an attempt at providing detail and analysis, particularly in describing the fluctuation of ticket prices throughout the week. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally disrupt clarity and readability. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the two weeks have same prices"), inconsistency in tense ("Monday in the 1st week is recorded"), and awkward phrasing ("airplane expenses"). Additionally, there are some minor punctuation errors and awkward word choices ("reaching $75 on Friday. This is followed by a small decrease by $5 on Saturday").

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on achieving more consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure clarity. Aim for smoother transitions between sentences and ideas, avoiding abrupt shifts in tone or focus. Additionally, proofread carefully for punctuation errors and choose precise and appropriate vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graphs depict the comparative ticket pricing of a specific airline for travel between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, in 2013. Overall, with the exception of Monday, the ticket prices remain consistent throughout the two weeks. Notably, weekends consistently exhibit higher prices compared to weekdays.

In the first week, Monday stands out with the highest recorded price on both charts, amounting to $80 for a round trip from Sydney to Melbourne. This marks a $30 increase from the corresponding date in the second week, where the price is notably lower at $50.

From Tuesday to Thursday, ticket prices experience a decline, making air travel more affordable, ranging between approximately $35 to $40 for both weeks. However, there is a significant surge in prices as the weekend approaches, peaking at $75 on Friday. This is followed by a slight reduction of $5 on Saturday before witnessing a substantial drop of $20 by Sunday, with the price reaching $50, marking the end of the week.