The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers for four different dairy products (milk, cheese, butter, milk powder) in the year of 2012

The charts below give information about the world's top three producers for four different dairy products (milk, cheese, butter, milk powder) in the year of 2012

The bar charts illustrate the number of four various dairy products( included milk,cheese,butter and milk powder)was produced by different nations around the world in 2012.
Overall,milk was the most popular dairy product in all three countries compared to other dairy products.In addition,the EU emerged as the biggest manufacturer of milk and cheese production.Meanwhile butter and milk powder production are led by India and China,correspondingly.

Looking first at the milk and cheese production,about 143,000 MT of milk was produced by the EU,surpassed India and the US,at 127,000 MT and approximately 90,000 MT,respectively.In terms of cheese manufacturing,the European Union still remained the dominant,with just over 7000 MT of cheese products.It is much higher than nearly 5000 MT cheese output in the US and 700 MT cheese output in Brazil.

When it comes to butter and milk powder,butter yield in India was 7500 MT,leading among three world producers ,and roughly quadruple that in the EU.Meanwhile,the butter yield in the US was even far below compared to two nations mentioned,at 810 MT.Notably,the aggregate of milk powder output was smaller than output of the others dairy products,with 1,200 MT milk powder was recorded in China,closely followed by New Zealand,at about 1,100 MT.Meanwhile the EU just produced 770 milk powder products.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "four various" -> "four different"
   Explanation: "Various" implies a variety or assortment of things, but "different" is more precise and commonly used in this context to indicate distinctions between specific items.
2. "included" -> "including"
   Explanation: "Included" is a past tense verb, whereas "including" is a present participle and better suits the ongoing action of presenting the information in the charts.
3. "emerged as" -> "was the largest"
   Explanation: "Emerged as" is somewhat informal. Using "was the largest" conveys the same meaning in a more formal manner.
4. "correspondingly" -> "respectively"
   Explanation: "Correspondingly" is less precise than "respectively" in indicating the relationship between items mentioned previously in the text.
5. "Looking first at" -> "Firstly examining"
   Explanation: "Looking first at" is slightly informal. "Firstly examining" is more formal and aligns better with academic or professional writing standards.
6. "about" -> "approximately"
   Explanation: "About" is less precise than "approximately" when indicating numerical values, especially in formal writing.
7. "surpassed" -> "surpassing"
   Explanation: "Surpassed" is past tense, while "surpassing" is present participle, which better suits the context of comparing production figures.
8. "MT" -> "metric tons"
   Explanation: While "MT" is commonly understood to represent metric tons, using "metric tons" enhances clarity, especially for readers who may not be familiar with the abbreviation.
9. "output in" -> "production of"
   Explanation: "Output in" is less precise than "production of" when discussing manufacturing or creation of products.
10. "aggregate of" -> "total"
    Explanation: "Aggregate of" is more technical and less commonly used than "total" in this context, where a sum or overall figure is referred to.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in dairy production in 2012. It clearly presents key features such as the top producers for each dairy product and their respective quantities. The information is appropriately selected and relevant to the task.
How to improve: To improve, consider extending the discussion of key features to provide a more thorough analysis. Additionally, ensure all data is accurately represented and avoid minor grammatical errors for clarity.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, maintaining clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, with the essay divided into distinct sections for each dairy product. The use of cohesive devices helps guide the reader through the comparisons and contrasts between the different dairy products and countries.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring consistent use throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid repetition and strive for more varied sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. There is a variety of vocabulary used to describe the production of dairy products, such as "manufacturing," "yield," "output," and "aggregate." The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary items like "yield" and "aggregate." Some less common lexical items are used appropriately, such as "quadruple" and "surpassed." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "with just over 7000 MT of cheese products" where "of" could be omitted. Additionally, there are a few minor inaccuracies in word choice, such as "correspondingly" which could be replaced with "respectively" for clearer meaning. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with no errors impeding communication.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater precision in word choice and collocation. Review the use of transitional phrases like "correspondingly" to ensure they are used accurately. Also, aim for more varied sentence structures to further showcase lexical flexibility.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. It effectively conveys the information regarding the production of various dairy products in different countries in 2012. The writer makes some errors in grammar and punctuation, but these errors do not significantly hinder communication. The essay provides a clear overview and presents the data in a logical manner, allowing the reader to understand the key points.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring consistency in punctuation usage. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency would enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors such as missing articles or incorrect word usage would further elevate the accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts delineate the production quantities of four distinct dairy products (namely milk, cheese, butter, and milk powder) across various nations worldwide in the year 2012.

Overall, milk emerged as the most prominently produced dairy item across all three nations, surpassing other dairy products. Furthermore, the European Union (EU) emerged as the primary producer in both milk and cheese categories, while India and China led in butter and milk powder production, respectively.

Examining milk and cheese production, the EU dominated with approximately 143,000 MT of milk production, followed by India and the US with 127,000 MT and around 90,000 MT, respectively. In terms of cheese manufacturing, the EU maintained its supremacy, producing just over 7,000 MT, significantly surpassing the US’s nearly 5,000 MT and Brazil’s 700 MT.

In the realm of butter and milk powder, India took the lead with 7,500 MT of butter production, significantly exceeding the EU’s output. Meanwhile, the US lagged behind with a mere 810 MT of butter produced. Notably, milk powder production was relatively lower compared to other dairy products, with China producing 1,200 MT, closely followed by New Zealand at approximately 1,100 MT, while the EU produced 770 MT of milk powder.