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The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart compares the data of four distinct daily products manufactured by different nations in the three highest positions in the period 2012.
In general, the European Union topped the list in the production of milk and cheese, while butter and milk power were the two most-produced items in India and China, respectively.
As can be seen from the chart, about 142,970 tons of milk were produced in the European Union, which constituted the highest figure, followed by India at a comparatively smaller number, at 127,000 tons. Meanwhile, less than 100,000 tons of milk was manufactured in the United States, making up 90,038 tons. Regarding cheese production, the EU created 7,120 tons, contributing ten times as much as Brazil, and was noticeably higher than that in the United States, at 4,925 tons.
As for the two remaining categories, Butter was the dominant product in India with 7,500 tons, tripling the production of the European Union (2,040 tons), whereas merely 810 tons of butter was made in the United States, which was the smallest number compared to other nations. Besides, China and New Zealand share a similar figure in milk power manufacturing, at 1,200 and 1,110 tons respectively, while the European Union remained in the lowest position, with 770 tons.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "daily products" -> "daily commodities"
    Explanation: Replacing "daily products" with "daily commodities" adds sophistication to the vocabulary, conveying a broader and more formal understanding of the items being discussed.

  2. "distinct" -> "varied"
    Explanation: Substituting "distinct" with "varied" enhances the precision of the description, providing a nuanced perspective on the diversity of the daily commodities.

  3. "highest positions" -> "top rankings"
    Explanation: Changing "highest positions" to "top rankings" offers a more precise and refined way of expressing the comparison between the nations in terms of their production.

  4. "about" -> "approximately"
    Explanation: Replacing "about" with "approximately" contributes to a more formal tone, particularly when presenting numerical data, and indicates a higher level of precision.

  5. "constituted" -> "comprised"
    Explanation: Substituting "constituted" with "comprised" imparts a more formal and academic tone to the sentence, maintaining clarity while elevating the language used.

  6. "smaller number" -> "lesser quantity"
    Explanation: Changing "smaller number" to "lesser quantity" introduces a more sophisticated term, emphasizing the quantitative aspect of the comparison.

  7. "made up" -> "accounted for"
    Explanation: Replacing "made up" with "accounted for" contributes to a more academic and precise description, particularly when discussing the proportion or composition of a total.

  8. "created" -> "generated"
    Explanation: Substituting "created" with "generated" elevates the language, offering a more formal term to describe the production of commodities, aligning with a business or economic context.

  9. "manufactured" -> "produced"
    Explanation: Changing "manufactured" to "produced" maintains clarity while employing a more commonly used term, enhancing overall readability.

  10. "figure" -> "quantity"
    Explanation: Replacing "figure" with "quantity" provides a more specific and formal term, particularly when referring to numerical values in a chart or data presentation.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the production of four dairy products among the top three producers in 2012. The key features and bullet points are generally presented, highlighting the production figures for each product and country. The essay also makes relevant comparisons between the producers and products.

However, the response could benefit from a more comprehensive development. While the main trends are identified, some key features could be more fully extended, providing a deeper analysis of the data. Additionally, the essay lacks some specificity, and details may be more general than necessary.

How to improve:
To improve, consider expanding on the key features by providing more specific details and analysis. Ensure that the information is presented accurately and avoid general statements. Provide a more in-depth exploration of the data to enhance the overall development of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. There is effective use of cohesive devices, although there is a slight underuse in some instances. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, and paragraphing is mostly logical. The comparisons between the countries and products are well-structured.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay. Ensure that referencing and substitution are clear and appropriate. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure it is consistently logical and aids the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision. The writer successfully uses less common lexical items, such as "constituted," "dominant," and "manufacturing," contributing to a relatively sophisticated level of expression. There is an attempt to convey precise meanings, especially in comparing the production figures between different countries. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the data of" which could be improved to "data on" or "data regarding."

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary with even more natural and precise expressions. Carefully proofread to eliminate minor errors in word choice and collocation, ensuring a seamless and sophisticated control of lexical features. For instance, rephrase "the data of" to "data on" for better accuracy. Additionally, be mindful of consistency in expression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a variety of complex structures. There is effective use of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. The essay is generally error-free, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly impact communication. Punctuation and grammar are mostly well-controlled, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there are some instances where sentence structures could be refined for better coherence.

How to Improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of verb tenses throughout the essay. Ensure that transitions between ideas are seamless for improved coherence. Review the use of articles and prepositions to further refine accuracy. Overall, continue to strive for precision in language use while maintaining the current level of grammatical control.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly, here’s an improved version of the provided IELTS Task 1 report:


The given bar charts delineate the production statistics for four distinct dairy products by the top three producers globally in the year 2012.

In general, the European Union emerged as the primary producer of milk and cheese, whereas India and China led in butter and milk powder production, respectively.

To begin with, the European Union spearheaded milk production, yielding approximately 142,970 tons, surpassing India’s output by 15,970 tons, which stood at 127,000 tons. The United States followed with a notably lower production of 90,038 tons.

Shifting focus to cheese production, the European Union maintained its dominance, manufacturing 7,120 tons, a figure nearly ten times greater than Brazil’s production of 725 tons and substantially higher than the United States’ 4,925 tons.

Regarding butter, India held the highest production at 7,500 tons, three times the quantity produced by the European Union (2,040 tons). Conversely, the United States recorded the lowest production at 810 tons.

Lastly, in milk powder production, China and New Zealand closely shared production figures, standing at 1,200 and 1,110 tons, respectively. However, the European Union lagged behind with a production output of 770 tons.

In summary, the European Union dominated in milk and cheese production, while India and China excelled in butter and milk powder, respectively, in the year 2012.


This revised version maintains the original data while enhancing the clarity of information, grammar, and structure, aligning with the IELTS Task 1 requirements.

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