The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided pie charts depict how local governments allocated their funds in the years 2010 and 2015.
Overall, education surpassed other sectors to represent the largest portion of the total expenditure.
Regarding education, despite exhibiting signs of decline in 2015, education still remained a predominant category, with the statistics standing at 24% and 21% in 2010 and 2015, respectively. Moving to healthcare and pensions, each sector accounted for around one fifth of the overall spending throughout the period.
Turning to defense, there was a decline of 3% in the proportion of this group, decreasing from 17% in 2010 to 14% in 2015. On the other hand, welfare experienced an opposite trend, increasing from 8% to 13% over 5 years.
In terms of interest on borrowing, the number of this category witnessed a twofold climb, with the figures ranging from 5% to 10% over a five-year period. Finally, the remaining sectors including transport, culture and leisure, and other groups, each made up under 5% of the whole financial expenses.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"depict" -> "illustrate"
Explanation: Replacing "depict" with "illustrate" adds variety to the vocabulary and maintains clarity while describing the presentation of data in the pie charts.
"expenditure" -> "spending"
Explanation: "Spending" is a more concise and commonly used term to refer to the allocation of funds, fitting well within the context of the essay.
"predominant" -> "dominant"
Explanation: "Dominant" is a slightly more advanced synonym for "predominant," conveying the idea that education holds the highest significance among the categories mentioned.
"Turning to" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "Regarding" is a more formal and precise transition phrase to introduce the discussion of another topic, in this case, healthcare and pensions.
"decline of 3%" -> "decrease of 3%"
Explanation: Adding "decrease of" before the percentage improves clarity and precision in describing the change in proportion.
"opposite trend" -> "contrary trend"
Explanation: "Contrary trend" conveys the idea of a trend moving in the opposite direction more precisely and adds sophistication to the language used.
"witnessed a twofold climb" -> "experienced a twofold increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a twofold increase" is a clearer and more concise way to express the idea of doubling, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"remaining sectors including" -> "remaining sectors, including"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "sectors" improves the flow and readability of the sentence by providing clearer separation between the listed sectors and the inclusive phrase "including."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the information from the charts and making relevant comparisons. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015. Key features, such as the changes in expenditure for education, healthcare, pensions, defense, welfare, and interest on borrowing, are clearly presented and highlighted. The essay provides a sufficient level of detail to meet the criteria for Band 7.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could further extend the analysis by providing more specific data points or comparisons. Additionally, ensuring that all data is accurately represented and avoiding vague language would strengthen the overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("Overall," "Regarding," "Turning to," "Moving to," "On the other hand," "Finally"), to link sentences and paragraphs coherently. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on different aspects of the expenditure analysis.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying sentence structures and employing a wider range of cohesive devices. Additionally, ensure that referencing and substitution are consistently clear and appropriate throughout the essay. Pay close attention to paragraphing to ensure logical organization and coherence within and between paragraphs. Overall, maintaining consistency in the use of cohesive devices and refining paragraph structure will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. The writer uses a variety of lexical items such as "allocated," "expenditure," "predominant," "proportion," and "witnessed," which enhances the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, there is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary, such as "pensions" and "twofold climb," showcasing an awareness of style and collocation. Despite occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the number of this category" instead of "the proportion of this category," the essay effectively conveys the main features and makes relevant comparisons.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, aim for more precise and sophisticated vocabulary choices. Pay close attention to word choice and collocation to minimize occasional errors. Additionally, ensure consistency in expression and avoid awkward phrasing to further enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures and uses complex structures appropriately. There is effective use of transitional phrases to organize information, aiding coherence. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors, such as missing articles ("the") before certain nouns ("the years 2010 and 2015"), which slightly detract from the overall accuracy.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy, ensure consistent and proper use of articles, especially when referring to specific nouns. Additionally, continue practicing complex sentence structures to further elevate the range and fluency of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate the allocation of funds by local governments in the years 2010 and 2015.

In terms of education, it emerges as the predominant category, representing the largest share of expenditure in both years. Despite a slight decline from 24% in 2010 to 21% in 2015, education retained its position as the leading sector.

Healthcare and pensions each accounted for approximately one fifth of the total spending throughout the period. There were no significant fluctuations observed in these sectors between 2010 and 2015.

Defense witnessed a decrease in its proportion from 17% in 2010 to 14% in 2015, indicating a downward trend over the five-year period. Conversely, welfare experienced an upward trend, increasing from 8% to 13% during the same timeframe.

Interest on borrowing saw a notable increase, doubling from 5% in 2010 to 10% in 2015. This suggests an intensified financial commitment to borrowing over the five-year span.

Finally, sectors such as transport, culture and leisure, as well as other groups, each comprised less than 5% of the total financial expenses, indicating their relatively minor significance in the overall allocation of funds by local governments.