The charts below show the average bed use in three typical hospitals internationally and the proportion of hospital budgets allocated to in-patient care before and after day-surgery was introduced in 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average bed use in three typical hospitals internationally and the proportion of hospital budgets allocated to in-patient care before and after day-surgery was introduced in 2003.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two diagrams provided data regarding the average use of beds in hospitals of China, Ukraina and France, as well as the allocation of in-patient care funding for the year 2002 and 2006. It is also noteworthy that the introduction of day-surgery happened in the year 2003. Overall, hospitals in China used the most beds. For Ukraina and France, the figures are lower, especially after 2003. Meanwhile, fund rate dedicated to in-patient care are smaller in proportion compared to other expenses both in 2002 and 2006.

The typical hospitals in all three countries witnessed constant increases in their bed usage before 2003 arrived. Chinese was highest with 70 beds started in 1997, and reached a peak of around 90 before undergoing a stabilization in 2003. Their figure continued to rise, but to only a small amount, and finished at about 92 beds in 2006. Ukraina and France used 55 and 40 beds in 1997, respectively. Their rates then both rose to around 70 in 2003, with France being merely lower. After that, both countries underwent a sharp fall. Ukraina reached the rate of around 65 in 2006, while France stood at below 54 in the same period.

Funding allocation for in-patient care dropped from 35% in 2002 down to 27% in 2006. While for other costs in hospitals, this proportion experienced a rise from 65% to 73%, as for the same milestones. It can be noted that due to the presence of day-surgery, less patients stayed in the hospitals and thus resulted in less amount of money being allocated for in-patient care.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "hospitals of China, Ukraina and France" -> "hospitals in China, Ukraine, and France"
   Explanation: Using "in" instead of "of" creates a more natural and grammatically correct phrase when referring to locations or countries.
2. "Ukraina" -> "Ukraine"
   Explanation: The correct English name for the country is "Ukraine," so using the proper spelling enhances clarity and correctness.
3. "allocation of in-patient care funding" -> "allocation of funding for in-patient care"
   Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "allocation of funding for in-patient care" improves readability and maintains clarity by placing the object ("funding") closer to the action ("allocation").
4. "Meanwhile, fund rate dedicated to in-patient care are smaller" -> "Meanwhile, the proportion of funds dedicated to in-patient care is smaller"
   Explanation: Replacing "fund rate" with "proportion of funds" and correcting the subject-verb agreement ("are" to "is") enhances clarity and correctness.
5. "witnessed constant increases" -> "experienced continual increases"
   Explanation: "Experienced continual increases" is a more sophisticated phrase that adds variety to the language and avoids repetition.
6. "Chinese was highest with 70 beds" -> "China had the highest number of beds"
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and correctness, "China had the highest number of beds" is more grammatically accurate and clear.
7. "Their figure continued to rise" -> "The figure continued to increase"
   Explanation: Using "increase" instead of "rise" maintains precision in language and avoids repetition of the word "rise."
8. "Ukraina" -> "Ukraine"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "Ukraine" maintains accuracy and professionalism.
9. "their rates then both rose" -> "their rates both then rose"
   Explanation: Adjusting the word order for clarity and correctness, "their rates both then rose" flows more smoothly.
10. "sharp fall" -> "sharp decline"
    Explanation: "Sharp decline" is a more sophisticated alternative that adds variety to the language and conveys the same meaning more effectively.
11. "Funding allocation for in-patient care dropped" -> "The allocation of funding for in-patient care dropped"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "allocation" clarifies which allocation is being referred to, enhancing precision in language.
12. "less patients" -> "fewer patients"
    Explanation: "Fewer patients" is the grammatically correct phrase to use when referring to a smaller number of people, while "less" is used for uncountable nouns.
13. "less amount of money" -> "a smaller amount of money"
    Explanation: "A smaller amount of money" is more precise and grammatically correct than "less amount of money."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the provided charts. It covers the average bed use in hospitals of China, Ukraine, and France, as well as the allocation of in-patient care funding for the years 2002 and 2006. The essay presents an overview with information appropriately selected, such as the introduction of day-surgery in 2003 and the subsequent changes in bed usage and funding allocation.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed descriptions of the trends observed in the data. It should aim to extend its analysis beyond mere reporting of the figures, providing deeper insights into the implications of the trends observed. Additionally, ensuring clarity and precision in language usage would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure with clear overall progression of ideas. It follows a logical sequence, describing the trends in hospital bed usage and funding allocation. The use of cohesive devices is mostly effective, with transitions between different points made adequately. However, there are instances where cohesion feels slightly mechanical, and some sentences lack clear internal connections. Although the essay uses paragraphing, the logical organization could be improved for smoother transitions and more refined structure. Additionally, there is some ambiguity in referencing, with the terms "typical hospitals" and "other costs" not being clearly defined or consistently used, which may cause confusion.

How to improve: To improve the band score for Coherence and Cohesion, consider these steps:

• Refine Transitions: Use more varied and natural transitional phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive structures or mechanical linking.
• Enhance Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically flows from one to the next. Consider using introductory and concluding sentences within each paragraph to guide the reader.
• Clarify References: Ensure that terms and references are clearly defined and used consistently throughout the essay to avoid confusion. Provide more context when introducing new terms or ideas.
• Check for Ambiguity: Review the essay for any vague or ambiguous phrases, and revise them to be more precise. This will help maintain a coherent flow throughout the essay.
  ]

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including terms related to hospital statistics such as "bed usage," "fund rate," "in-patient care," and "day-surgery." Attempts are made to use less common vocabulary, although some inaccuracies are present, such as "Ukraina" instead of "Ukraine." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "Ukraina" instead of "Ukraine" and "fund rate" instead of "funding rate." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can help enhance clarity and professionalism. Additionally, strive for consistency in terminology usage and ensure accuracy in referencing specific countries.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. The essay attempts to use a range of structures, but there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally affect clarity and precision. For instance, "Ukraina" should be "Ukraine," and there are minor issues with verb tense consistency and sentence structure throughout the essay. However, these errors do not significantly impede understanding.

The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the charts, highlighting key trends such as bed usage and changes in funding allocation before and after the introduction of day-surgery. The writer effectively compares the data across the three countries and discusses trends over time.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy of the essay, focus on the following areas:

1. Grammar and Verb Tense: Ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and avoid unnecessary shifts in tense.
2. Punctuation: Review the use of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks to enhance clarity and readability.
3. Sentence Structure: Aim for more variety in sentence structures, including complex sentences, to showcase a wider range of language skills.
4. Spelling and Word Choice: Double-check spellings of words and use appropriate terminology (e.g., "Ukraine" instead of "Ukraina") to maintain accuracy.

By addressing these areas, you can elevate the essay’s grammatical precision and range, potentially improving its band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate data concerning the average bed utilization in hospitals across China, Ukraine, and France, alongside the distribution of funding for in-patient care in the years 2002 and 2006. Notably, the introduction of day-surgery occurred in 2003. Overall, Chinese hospitals exhibited the highest bed usage, followed by Ukraine and France, particularly post-2003. Additionally, the allocation of funds for in-patient care remained proportionally lower compared to other expenditures in both 2002 and 2006.

In all three countries, hospitals experienced steady increases in bed usage leading up to 2003. Chinese hospitals began with 70 beds in 1997, peaking at around 90 before stabilizing in 2003, with a slight subsequent increase to approximately 92 beds by 2006. Ukrainian and French hospitals started with 55 and 40 beds, respectively, in 1997, both reaching around 70 beds by 2003, albeit with France marginally lower. Subsequently, both countries witnessed a notable decline, with Ukraine reaching around 65 beds by 2006 and France falling below 54 beds during the same period.

The allocation of funds for in-patient care declined from 35% in 2002 to 27% in 2006, while other expenses in hospitals saw an increase from 65% to 73% during the same timeframe. This shift can be attributed to the decreased length of patient stays resulting from the implementation of day-surgery, consequently leading to a reduced allocation of funds for in-patient care.