The charts below show the bookings for a leisure centre made by different groups in 2018 and 2022 and the different times of day it was booked for in 2022.

The bar chart illustrates monthly bookings for an amusement center in two years 2018 and 2022. While the pie chart shows the proportion of total bookings in different day in 2022.

Overall, it can be seen that compared to 2018, all groups which booked rooms in this center experienced an upward trend except the live music group. The biggest group in 2018 was the live music, meanwhile, 2022 had dance group as the biggest costumer. Regarding the total number of bookings of day, the most popular option was 1800-2100 bookings while the opposite was true for 900-1200 bookings.

In 2018, the language class, the book club, the quizzes and the other groups started under 10 bookings a month. After 6 years, all these 4 groups increased their frequency of meeting here, respectively 25bookings, 17 bookings, 13 bookings and 20 bookings. Moreover, groups that had the number of bookings exceeded 10 bookings was the live music with 26 bookings and the dance group with 25 bookings. However, while the figure of the dance group rose by 5 bookings, the ones for former group declined for one third compared with the data in 2018. Finally, the yoga & fitness club witnessed a stability in both years at 15 bookings.

Moving to the figure of daily bookings, 900 – 1200 bookings had the smallest proportion of bookings with only 5%. In the second and third positions were 600-900 and 1200-1500 bookings which at 9% and 16%, namely. In addition, accounted for a quarter of the pie chart was 1500 – 1800 bookings while the percentage of 1800 – 2100 bookings made up almost half of the chart.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"amusement center" -> "amusement facility"
Explanation: "Amusement facility" is a more precise and formal term than "amusement center," aligning better with academic style by avoiding colloquial language.
"day in 2022" -> "days in 2022"
Explanation: The original phrase "day in 2022" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Days in 2022" corrects this and clarifies that the information refers to multiple days, not a single day.
"the biggest costumer" -> "the largest customer"
Explanation: "Costumer" is a misspelling and incorrect usage. "Customer" is the correct term, and "largest" is more appropriate than "biggest" in formal academic writing.
"Regarding the total number of bookings of day" -> "Regarding daily bookings"
Explanation: "Bookings of day" is awkward and unclear. "Daily bookings" is a more natural and precise way to refer to the frequency of bookings by day.
"the most popular option was 1800-2100 bookings" -> "the most frequent booking period was 1800-2100"
Explanation: "Most popular option" is vague and informal. "Most frequent booking period" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context, focusing on the frequency rather than the popularity.
"the opposite was true for 900-1200 bookings" -> "the opposite was true for the 900-1200 booking period"
Explanation: Adding "the booking period" clarifies that the statement refers to the time frame, enhancing clarity and formality.
"started under 10 bookings a month" -> "commenced with fewer than 10 bookings per month"
Explanation: "Started under 10 bookings a month" is informal and imprecise. "Commenced with fewer than 10 bookings per month" is more formal and precise, suitable for an academic essay.
"After 6 years" -> "Six years later"
Explanation: "After 6 years" is informal and slightly awkward. "Six years later" is a more formal and clear way to express the passage of time.
"the number of bookings exceeded 10 bookings" -> "the number of bookings exceeded 10"
Explanation: Removing "bookings" after "10" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, as "exceeded 10" is sufficient to convey the meaning without redundancy.
"the figure of the dance group rose by 5 bookings" -> "the number of bookings for the dance group increased by 5"
Explanation: "The figure of the dance group rose by 5 bookings" is awkward and unclear. "The number of bookings for the dance group increased by 5" is clearer and more formal.
"the ones for former group" -> "those for the former group"
Explanation: "The ones for former group" is grammatically incorrect. "Those for the former group" corrects this and maintains a formal tone.
"accounted for a quarter of the pie chart" -> "accounted for a quarter of the chart"
Explanation: "Pie chart" is redundant in this context, as "chart" already implies a visual representation. Removing "pie" simplifies and clarifies the statement.
"the percentage of 1800 – 2100 bookings made up almost half of the chart" -> "the percentage of bookings between 1800-2100 accounted for nearly half of the chart"
Explanation: "Made up" is informal and less precise. "Accounted for" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, and specifying "between 1800-2100" clarifies the range more clearly.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay does not mention that the dance group was the most popular group in 2022.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the data more effectively. For example, the essay could mention that the dance group was the most popular group in 2022. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the data. For example, the essay could mention that the live music group’s bookings declined by one third from 2018 to 2022.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, with a clear overall progression. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. For example, phrases like "the ones for former group declined" could be expressed more clearly. While paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the clarity and variety of cohesive devices used, ensuring that they enhance the flow of ideas rather than disrupt it. Additionally, organizing paragraphs more logically by grouping related ideas together would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. Finally, refining sentence structures to avoid mechanical phrasing will contribute to a more fluid reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, which is sufficient for the task. However, it attempts to use less common vocabulary with some inaccuracies, such as "costumer" instead of "customer" and "witnessed a stability" instead of "witnessed stability." There are also several errors in word formation and spelling, such as "25bookings" (should be "25 bookings") and "the ones for former group" (should be "the ones for the former group"). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms and collocations. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of synonyms and avoiding repetition would improve the essay’s lexical variety. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the biggest costumer" should be "the biggest customer," and "the ones for former group declined for one third" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, affect the overall readability.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation to reduce errors that may confuse the reader.
Clarity and Cohesion: Work on phrasing to enhance clarity. For instance, rephrasing sentences for better flow and coherence can improve overall communication.
Proofreading: Regularly review and edit the essay to catch minor errors and awkward constructions before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates monthly bookings for a leisure centre in the years 2018 and 2022, while the pie chart shows the proportion of total bookings made during different times of the day in 2022.

Overall, it is evident that, compared to 2018, all groups that booked rooms in this centre experienced an upward trend, except for the live music group. The largest group in 2018 was the live music group, whereas in 2022, the dance group became the biggest customer. Regarding the total number of bookings by time of day, the most popular option was the 1800-2100 bookings, while the least popular was the 900-1200 bookings.

In 2018, the language class, book club, quizzes, and other groups started with fewer than 10 bookings per month. After four years, all four groups increased their frequency of meetings, with respective bookings of 25, 17, 13, and 20. Moreover, the groups that exceeded 10 bookings included the live music group with 26 bookings and the dance group with 25 bookings. However, while the number of bookings for the dance group rose by 5, the figure for the live music group declined by one-third compared to the data from 2018. Finally, the yoga and fitness club maintained stability in both years with 15 bookings.

Turning to the daily bookings, the 900-1200 time slot had the smallest proportion of bookings, accounting for only 5%. The second and third positions were held by the 600-900 and 1200-1500 bookings, which represented 9% and 16%, respectively. Additionally, 1500-1800 bookings comprised a quarter of the pie chart, while the 1800-2100 bookings made up almost half of the chart.