The charts below show the percentages of people possessing various qualifications in Science and Arts within an engineering company in 1980 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of people possessing various qualifications in Science and Arts within an engineering company in 1980 and 2008.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below illustrate the proportion of the people than possessing numerous qualification in both Science and Art within an engineering eployer in the period of 28 years starting with the year 1980.
Overall, it can be seen clearly that significant change in the percentage of people possessing in many qualifications of Science of Arts, just have a closer look to 1980 proportion it is a the numerous percentage for Science mostly qualification of this year take a high rate for Science in three main Science qualification is PhD Science, Master Science, First degree Science. More futher, after 28 years, it have been a significantly grow for Art with Masters Arts and PhD Arts, but beside of that the qualification of First degree Arts have been fall slightly a bit.
On our first year of the rating, In 1980 most of human are likely to take the qualification of the master Science within 29% of them, but in this year first degree Art still take interested with a high rate at 25, 19% of people think that it could be sustainable to take part in first degree Science, both the PhD of science and master arts share samely the amount of qualification for each of the is 13% and 12%, the once that have the lowest rate in percentage of people choose this qualification is the PhD Arts with only 2% were attracted.
Look more farther, In 2008 the top tier now is the PhD Science which have a dramatically risen from 13% into 30%. There are no changing in the amount of Master Science which are still 29% , look below we can see the increased of Masters Arts into 13%, beside of other increasing is the decrease of first degree Arts which have left 14% to only 11% of this qualification and also first degree Science have fallen to within 10%, the lowest proportions still PhD Art but how after 28 years the globe increase in to 7%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustrate" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: The subject "chart" is singular, so it requires the singular verb "illustrates" for grammatical agreement.
"the proportion of the people than possessing numerous qualification" -> "the proportion of individuals possessing various qualifications"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "the people," and "various qualifications" is clearer and more precise than "numerous qualification."
"within an engineering eployer" -> "within an engineering employer"
Explanation: "Employer" is the correct spelling, ensuring clarity and professionalism.
"the percentage of people possessing in many qualifications of Science of Arts" -> "the percentage of individuals possessing multiple qualifications in Science and Arts"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "multiple qualifications in Science and Arts" is clearer and more precise.
"just have a closer look to 1980 proportion" -> "upon examining the 1980 proportions"
Explanation: This phrase is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone.
"it is a the numerous percentage for Science mostly qualification of this year take a high rate for Science in three main Science qualification is PhD Science, Master Science, First degree Science." -> "the proportion of qualifications in Science was predominantly high, particularly in three main categories: PhD in Science, Master’s in Science, and Bachelor’s in Science."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and improves grammatical structure, using formal academic language.
"More futher, after 28 years, it have been a significantly grow for Art with Masters Arts and PhD Arts" -> "Furthermore, after 28 years, there has been significant growth in the Arts, particularly in Master’s and PhD qualifications."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is more formal than "More futher," and "there has been significant growth" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"but beside of that the qualification of First degree Arts have been fall slightly a bit." -> "However, the qualification for a Bachelor’s in Arts has declined slightly."
Explanation: "However" is more formal than "but beside of that," and "has declined slightly" is clearer and more concise.
"On our first year of the rating, In 1980 most of human are likely to take the qualification of the master Science within 29% of them" -> "In the first year of the study, 1980, the majority of individuals pursued a Master’s in Science, comprising 29% of the total."
Explanation: This revision improves clarity and formality, replacing "most of human" with "the majority of individuals."
"but in this year first degree Art still take interested with a high rate at 25, 19% of people think that it could be sustainable to take part in first degree Science" -> "However, in that year, the Bachelor’s in Arts maintained a high interest rate of 25%, while 19% of individuals considered pursuing a Bachelor’s in Science."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and improves grammatical structure, enhancing the academic tone.
"both the PhD of science and master arts share samely the amount of qualification for each of the is 13% and 12%" -> "Both the PhD in Science and the Master’s in Arts had similar qualification rates, at 13% and 12%, respectively."
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.
"the once that have the lowest rate in percentage of people choose this qualification is the PhD Arts with only 2% were attracted." -> "The qualification with the lowest percentage was the PhD in Arts, attracting only 2% of individuals."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and improves grammatical structure.
"Look more farther, In 2008 the top tier now is the PhD Science which have a dramatically risen from 13% into 30%." -> "In 2008, the leading qualification was the PhD in Science, which had dramatically increased from 13% to 30%."
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.
"There are no changing in the amount of Master Science which are still 29%" -> "There was no change in the percentage of Master’s in Science, which remained at 29%."
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.
"look below we can see the increased of Masters Arts into 13%" -> "Additionally, the percentage of Master’s in Arts increased to 13%."
Explanation: This revision improves clarity and formality.
"beside of other increasing is the decrease of first degree Arts which have left 14% to only 11% of this qualification" -> "Conversely, the percentage of Bachelor’s in Arts decreased from 14% to 11%."
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal transition, and the revision improves clarity.
"and also first degree Science have fallen to within 10%" -> "Furthermore, the percentage of Bachelor’s in Science fell to 10%."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is more formal, and the revision improves clarity.
"the lowest proportions still PhD Art but how after 28 years the globe increase in to 7%." -> "The lowest proportion remained the PhD in Arts, which increased to 7% after 28 years."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and improves grammatical structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends or differences in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the qualification of First degree Arts have been fall slightly a bit" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than providing irrelevant details. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay states that "the globe increase in to 7%" but does not specify what this refers to. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, leading to a lack of clear progression. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, which detracts from the overall clarity of the response. There are instances of repetition, and the paragraphing is inadequate, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The essay does not effectively manage the structure needed for a clear comparison of the data presented.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help improve the flow of information. Additionally, practicing paragraphing techniques, such as starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensuring that supporting details follow logically, will contribute to a more coherent essay. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help eliminate confusion and improve overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the charts, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "illustrate the proportion of the people than possessing numerous qualification" and "the qualification of First degree Arts have been fall slightly a bit." These inaccuracies hinder clarity and precision. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors, such as "eployer" instead of "employer" and "have been a significantly grow," are present and may cause difficulty for the reader. Overall, the vocabulary used is basic, and there is a lack of sophistication in lexical features.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help improve fluency and flexibility. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors will contribute to clearer communication. Engaging with more complex texts can also help in developing a richer vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "the proportion of the people than possessing numerous qualification" and "it have been a significantly grow" indicate issues with grammatical accuracy. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which can cause confusion for the reader. Overall, while the essay attempts to convey information, the grammatical inaccuracies and limited range of structures hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve fluency and coherence.
Grammar Review: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses to avoid errors like "it have been" and "the proportion of the people than."
Punctuation: Practice correct punctuation usage to clarify meaning and improve readability.
Proofreading: Review the essay for common grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart below illustrates the proportion of people possessing various qualifications in both Science and Arts within an engineering company over a period of 28 years, starting in 1980. Overall, it is evident that there was a significant change in the percentages of people holding qualifications in Science and Arts. A closer look at the 1980 data reveals that the majority of qualifications were in Science, particularly in three main categories: PhD in Science, Master’s in Science, and First Degree in Science. Furthermore, after 28 years, there was a notable increase in qualifications in Arts, specifically for Master’s and PhD in Arts, while the percentage of those holding a First Degree in Arts experienced a slight decline.

In 1980, the most popular qualification among individuals was the Master’s in Science, with 29% of people opting for it. During the same year, the First Degree in Arts attracted a significant interest, accounting for 25%, while 19% of individuals chose to pursue a First Degree in Science. Both the PhD in Science and Master’s in Arts had similar proportions, each representing 13% and 12%, respectively. The least popular qualification was the PhD in Arts, which attracted only 2% of individuals.

Looking ahead to 2008, the leading qualification became the PhD in Science, which dramatically rose from 13% to 30%. There was no change in the proportion of Master’s in Science, which remained at 29%. Additionally, the percentage of individuals with a Master’s in Arts increased to 13%. In contrast, the proportion of those holding a First Degree in Arts decreased from 14% to 11%, while the First Degree in Science also fell to 10%. The lowest proportion continued to be the PhD in Arts, which, after 28 years, increased to 7%.