The charts detail the number of participants at the Olympics every 30 years from 1924 to 2014 in total and by gender.

The charts detail the number of participants at the Olympics every 30 years from
1924 to 2014 in total and by gender.

The charts demonstrate the quantity of participants at the Olympics during a period of 9 decades from 1924 in total and via gender. Overall, it is evident that while the totals increased steadily, the number of female participants saw a tremendous growth with a fair male elevation at the end of the period.
Strikingly, both genders followed similar trends. At the beginning, the gender discrepancy was encountered with a little more than 100 women and exactly 3000 men. After 30 years, females more than doubled to around 500, while males rose to 4500. In the next 3 decades, women witnessed a spectacular growth to 1800, while men observed a minimal increase over 5000. Finally, the gender gap stopped in 2014 with under 6000 men and over 4500 women.
At the totals one, the statistics began at around 3000 in 1924 and steadily elevated over the next 90 years and reached a final of more than 1000 in 2014.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "demonstrate the quantity of participants" -> "depict the number of participants"
   Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise verb for visual representations like charts, and "number" is typically used instead of "quantity" when referring to countable items such as participants.

2. "during a period of 9 decades" -> "over a period of nine decades"
   Explanation: Using the word form of numbers in formal writing enhances readability and formality. Additionally, "over" is more commonly used than "during" to describe the duration of time in historical contexts.

3. "in total and via gender" -> "both overall and by gender"
   Explanation: "Both overall and by gender" clarifies that the data is presented in two different ways: a total count and a segregated count by gender, which is more specific than "in total and via."

4. "the totals increased steadily" -> "the total numbers increased steadily"
   Explanation: Specifying "total numbers" clarifies that the reference is to the quantities being discussed, improving precision in the description.

5. "a fair male elevation" -> "a considerable increase in male participants"
   Explanation: "Considerable increase" is more specific and formal than "fair elevation," which could be ambiguous and is less commonly used in this context.

6. "Strikingly, both genders followed similar trends." -> "Notably, both genders exhibited similar trends."
   Explanation: "Notably" is a more formal and appropriate adverb in an analytical context compared to "Strikingly," which might imply a more sudden or unexpected observation.

7. "was encountered with a little more than 100 women" -> "was marked by slightly more than 100 women"
   Explanation: "Was marked by" is more formal and precise than "was encountered with," which is not typically used to describe numerical data.

8. "males rose to 4500" -> "male participants increased to 4500"
   Explanation: Adding "participants" specifies the subject, and "increased" is a more formal term than "rose" in the context of numerical data.

9. "women witnessed" -> "female participants experienced"
   Explanation: "Experienced" is a more suitable verb for describing changes affecting a group, as "witnessed" implies passive observation rather than direct involvement.

10. "men observed" -> "male participants saw"
    Explanation: "Saw" is more commonly used in this context to mean "experienced" or "underwent," making it a better choice than "observed," which can imply passive watching.

11. "the gender gap stopped" -> "the gender gap narrowed"
    Explanation: "Narrowed" is more accurate for describing a reduction in differences, whereas "stopped" could incorrectly imply the total elimination of the gap.

12. "At the totals one" -> "In the total count"
    Explanation: "In the total count" more clearly indicates the subject of the sentence, referring to the aggregate data.

13. "steadily elevated" -> "steadily increased"
    Explanation: "Increased" is the standard and more appropriate term for describing a rise in numbers, whereas "elevated" is less commonly used in this context and may sound unnatural.

14. "reached a final of more than 1000 in 2014" -> "culminated in more than 11000 in 2014"
    Explanation: "Culminated in" properly conveys the idea of reaching a final point, and correcting "1000" to "11000" is necessary for accuracy if referring to total counts given the previous figures mentioned.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in participant numbers at the Olympics from 1924 to 2014, both in total and by gender. It describes the increase in total participants and the growth in the number of female participants, with some reference to male participation as well. Key features, such as the initial gender discrepancy and the final convergence of male and female participant numbers, are highlighted.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more specific and accurate data, such as exact participant numbers at key points in time. Additionally, the essay could be more clearly structured, with distinct paragraphs for each decade or significant change in participant numbers. Finally, the language could be more formal and academic, avoiding phrases like "spectacular growth" and "fair male elevation" which are more suitable for informal speech.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay presents information in a generally coherent manner, with a clear overall progression. It effectively outlines the trends in the number of participants at the Olympics over the specified time period and by gender. The essay uses cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases ("Overall," "Strikingly," "Finally") to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there are some instances of faulty cohesion within sentences, such as "with a fair male elevation at the end of the period," which could be clearer. Additionally, the paragraphing is somewhat logical but could be improved for better organization and clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that the relationships between ideas within and between sentences are consistently clear. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay. Focus on improving paragraphing to create clearer divisions between ideas and improve overall organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, utilizing terms such as "quantity," "participants," "gender," "discrepancy," "spectacular," and "elevation." Attempts are made to use less common vocabulary, such as "encountered," "minimal increase," and "spectacular growth," although there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "fair male elevation" could be better expressed. Additionally, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as "elevation" instead of "increase," and in word formation, such as "females more than doubled" instead of "female participation more than doubled."

How to improve: To improve, aim for more precise and accurate word choices and expressions. Try to maintain consistency in vocabulary usage throughout the essay. Proofreading for minor errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation will enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence structures, with a combination of compound and complex sentences. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay, such as inconsistent verb tense usage ("the statistics began" should be "the statistics begin") and awkward phrasing ("with under 6000 men and over 4500 women" could be improved for clarity). Despite these errors, the overall communication remains clear, and the essay effectively conveys the main trends presented in the charts.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on consistent and appropriate use of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structures. Proofreading for grammatical errors and refining complex sentences for clarity can enhance the overall coherence and precision of the essay. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation can further improve the readability of the text.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts depict the number of participants at the Olympics over a span of nine decades from 1924, categorized by gender. Overall, there was a consistent increase in total participants, with a significant surge in female participation towards the latter years.

Notably, both genders experienced similar trends throughout the period. Initially, there was a noticeable gender disparity, with just over 100 female participants compared to exactly 3000 male participants in 1924. By the following three decades, the number of female participants more than doubled to approximately 500, while male participation increased to around 4500. Subsequently, over the next three decades, female participation saw remarkable growth, reaching around 1800, while male participation exhibited a modest increase to over 5000. The gender gap began to diminish by 2014, with just under 6000 male participants and over 4500 female participants.

In terms of total participants, the figures commenced at around 3000 in 1924 and steadily rose over the subsequent 90 years, reaching a peak of over 10000 by 2014.