The Contribution of Various Economic Sectors to Xcountry Gross Domestic Product in 2016, 2017 and 2018

The table indicates the percentage of GDP from the participation of three distinct categories, namely Agriculture, industry and service to Xcountry's gross domestic product between 2016 and 2018.
From an overall perspective, it is evident that the proportion of service sector has always been the largest contribution to GDP in Xcountry. However, this figure declined significantly, the opposite was true for other categories over the years surveyed.

As is shown, Starting from the highest point of 65%, the rate of GDP from the contribution in Xcountry of servive sector slightly decreased to 64% in 2017, followed by a remarkable drop of 9% after one- year peried.

In contrast, there a dramatic reduction from 13% in 2016 to 11% in 2017 in the participation of industry category to Xcountry's GDP, but later this figure climbed rapidly to 15% in 2018. Likewise, Xcountry experienced a slow rise of 3% from 2016 to 2017, before increasing sharply to 55% in the end of period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table indicates" -> "The table illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "indicates" when referring to the presentation of data in a table, emphasizing the visual representation of the information.
"namely Agriculture, industry and service" -> "namely, agriculture, industry, and service"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "namely" and before the list improves the grammatical structure, adhering to the standard of listing items in formal writing.
"Xcountry’s gross domestic product" -> "Xcountry’s gross domestic product"
Explanation: The term "Xcountry" is likely a placeholder for an actual country name. It is better to use the actual name of the country to maintain professionalism and clarity.
"it is evident that" -> "it is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more formal and precise alternative to "it is evident that," which sounds slightly colloquial.
"this figure declined significantly, the opposite was true for other categories" -> "this figure declined significantly, while the opposite was true for other categories"
Explanation: Adding "while" improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"As is shown" -> "As shown"
Explanation: Removing "is" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with the passive voice used in the sentence.
"the rate of GDP from the contribution in Xcountry of servive sector" -> "the rate of GDP from the contribution of the service sector in Xcountry"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "service" and rearranges the phrase for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"one- year peried" -> "one-year period"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "period" and removes the hyphen, which is unnecessary in this context.
"there a dramatic reduction" -> "there was a dramatic reduction"
Explanation: Adds the necessary verb "was" to correct the grammatical structure.
"Likewise, Xcountry experienced a slow rise of 3% from 2016 to 2017, before increasing sharply to 55% in the end of period."
Explanation: Replaces "Likewise" with "Similarly" for formality and corrects "the end of period" to "the end of the period" for grammatical accuracy. Also, 55% is likely a typographical error and should be corrected to the intended figure.

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and ensure that the language is precise and appropriate for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay focuses on details, rather than providing a clear and concise overview of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the service sector was the largest contributor to GDP in all three years, but that its contribution declined over time. The essay could also state that the industry sector’s contribution to GDP increased over time, while the agriculture sector’s contribution remained relatively stable. The essay should also avoid focusing on details, such as the specific percentage changes in each sector. Instead, the essay should focus on providing a clear and concise overview of the main trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but it lacks overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the contributions of different economic sectors, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which hampers the flow of the essay. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing, as the ideas are not clearly separated into distinct sections.

How to improve:

Enhance Overall Structure: Clearly define paragraphs for each economic sector, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical progression.
Improve Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively and avoid repetition. For example, instead of simply stating "in contrast," consider using phrases that better illustrate the relationship between the sectors.
Clarify Information: Ensure that all data presented is accurate and clearly explained. For instance, clarify the timeline of changes in GDP contributions and ensure that figures are presented in a straightforward manner.
Proofread for Errors: Address grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., "servive" should be "service" and "peried" should be "period") to enhance clarity and professionalism.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the economic sectors contributing to GDP, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "servive" instead of "service," "peried" instead of "period") and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of terms like "dramatic reduction" and "remarkable drop" shows an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but the overall effectiveness is diminished by inaccuracies and a lack of variety.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and sophisticated terms related to economics and data analysis. Paying attention to spelling and ensuring correct word formation is crucial. Additionally, using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition and improve the overall fluency and precision of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, they often lack accuracy, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For example, phrases like "the opposite was true for other categories" and "there a dramatic reduction" indicate issues with sentence structure and verb forms. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, while the essay conveys the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on practicing complex sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Reviewing basic grammar rules and punctuation can help reduce errors. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence types and ensuring that all sentences are error-free will contribute to a higher band score. Regular practice with feedback can also aid in developing a more flexible and accurate use of grammar.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table indicates the percentage of GDP contributed by three distinct categories, namely Agriculture, Industry, and Services, to Xcountry’s gross domestic product between 2016 and 2018.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the proportion of the service sector has consistently made the largest contribution to GDP in Xcountry. However, this figure declined significantly, while the opposite trend was observed for the other categories over the years surveyed.

As shown, starting from the highest point of 65%, the rate of GDP contribution from the service sector in Xcountry slightly decreased to 64% in 2017, followed by a remarkable drop of 9% after one year.

In contrast, there was a dramatic reduction in the participation of the industry category to Xcountry’s GDP, falling from 13% in 2016 to 11% in 2017; however, this figure climbed rapidly to 15% in 2018. Likewise, Xcountry experienced a slow rise of 3% in the agricultural sector from 2016 to 2017, before increasing sharply to 55% by the end of the period.