the crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought holds that there is a decrease in crime rate compared to the past due to the significance of technology, while others believe that it has little impact on preventing crime . From my perspective, I totally believe that technology plays a crucial role in crime prevention.

I agree with the idea that technology is able to mitigate crime issues because technology has created such modern techniques. One compelling example of technology's impact on crime prevention is the widespread use of security cameras. These devices could be seen as a monitoring tool to help police supervise public areas. As a result, it not only contribute to find viable approach to prevent crimes but also act as a deterrent. Because of the perception that their actions are being recorded, people have always been discouraged to violate the regulations, contributing to a decline of crime rate in society.

Furthermore, in today's era of global integration, technological advancement is able to create more career prospects such as software development or data science, which are likely to offer human many lucrative careers in the future. This is mainly because people commit a crime as a way of making a living. Therefore, if technology can guarantee more employment opportunities and offer many compelling reasons for personal growth, the crime rate can probably be easier to control.

In conclusion, although preventing crimes can be difficult to some extent, I still believe that the advancement of technology plays a pivotal role in creating safer and more secure societies.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One school of thought holds that" -> "One perspective suggests that"
Explanation: "One perspective suggests that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "One school of thought holds that," which can sound somewhat colloquial and vague.
"there is a decrease in crime rate" -> "there has been a decline in crime rates"
Explanation: "There has been a decline in crime rates" is more precise and formal, as it correctly uses the past participle "has been" and the plural form "crime rates" to reflect the ongoing nature of the trend.
"I totally believe" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "I firmly believe" is a more formal expression than "I totally believe," which can sound overly emphatic and informal for academic writing.
"technology has created such modern techniques" -> "technology has developed such advanced techniques"
Explanation: "Developed" is more precise than "created" in this context, as it implies a process of improvement and refinement, which is more accurate for describing technological advancements.
"could be seen as a monitoring tool" -> "serves as a monitoring tool"
Explanation: "Serves as" is a more definitive and formal way to describe the function of security cameras, compared to "could be seen as," which is less direct and more speculative.
"it not only contribute to find viable approach to prevent crimes" -> "it not only contributes to finding viable approaches to preventing crimes"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the sentence structure for better readability and formality. "Contributes" should be in the singular form to agree with "it," and "approaches" should be plural to encompass multiple methods.
"act as a deterrent" -> "serves as a deterrent"
Explanation: "Serves as" is more formal and precise than "act as," aligning better with academic style.
"people have always been discouraged to violate the regulations" -> "individuals are consistently discouraged from violating regulations"
Explanation: "Individuals are consistently discouraged from violating regulations" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone and clarity.
"in today’s era of global integration" -> "in the contemporary era of global integration"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more formal synonym for "today’s," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"which are likely to offer human many lucrative careers" -> "which may provide numerous lucrative career opportunities"
Explanation: "May provide numerous lucrative career opportunities" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing and grammatical error in the original.
"people commit a crime as a way of making a living" -> "individuals engage in criminal activities as a means of sustenance"
Explanation: "Engage in criminal activities as a means of sustenance" is a more formal and precise way to describe why people commit crimes, avoiding the colloquial "making a living."
"the advancement of technology plays a pivotal role" -> "technological advancements play a pivotal role"
Explanation: "Technological advancements" is a more precise and formal term than "the advancement of technology," and aligns better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear agreement with the statement that technology contributes to a decrease in crime rates. The introduction outlines the two perspectives, and the writer’s position is clearly stated. The body paragraphs provide relevant examples, such as security cameras and the creation of job opportunities through technology, which support the main argument. However, the essay could have more explicitly acknowledged the opposing viewpoint to strengthen the argument further.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include a brief discussion of the opposing view regarding technology’s limited impact on crime prevention. This could involve acknowledging that while technology has benefits, it may also lead to new forms of crime, such as cybercrime. Including this perspective would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that technology plays a crucial role in crime prevention. The use of phrases like "I totally believe" and "I still believe" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more consistent position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas back to the main argument. For instance, after discussing security cameras, the writer could reiterate how this example supports the overall claim about technology’s effectiveness in crime prevention.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the role of security cameras and the impact of job creation through technology. These ideas are extended with explanations and examples, such as the deterrent effect of surveillance. However, some points, like the connection between job creation and crime reduction, could benefit from further elaboration to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point. For instance, when discussing job creation, the writer could elaborate on how specific technological advancements lead to job opportunities and how this, in turn, reduces crime rates. Including statistics or studies could also enhance the credibility of the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between technology and crime rates. However, the second body paragraph introduces the idea of career prospects, which, while relevant, could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument about crime prevention. The connection between employment and crime could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the main argument about technology’s role in crime prevention. Clarifying the link between job opportunities and crime reduction would help keep the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt. Additionally, the writer could consider limiting the scope of the second body paragraph to focus more on direct technological impacts on crime rather than broader economic implications.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the idea that technology contributes to a decrease in crime rates. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by acknowledging differing viewpoints, which is a strong organizational technique. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, with the first paragraph discussing the impact of technology through security cameras and the second paragraph expanding on the socio-economic benefits of technology that may reduce crime. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother, as the connection between technology’s role in crime prevention and its impact on employment opportunities is somewhat tenuous.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas in each paragraph. For example, after discussing security cameras, a sentence could be added to bridge the discussion to employment opportunities, such as: "In addition to direct crime prevention measures, technology also influences crime rates indirectly by creating job opportunities."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction presents the thesis, the first body paragraph discusses technology’s direct impact on crime prevention, and the second body paragraph explores the socio-economic implications. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that outlines its main idea more explicitly, as it currently feels slightly disconnected from the main argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like: "Moreover, technology’s role in reducing crime extends beyond direct prevention methods to include its influence on employment and economic stability."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "as a result," and "therefore," which effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used in the first body paragraph, and while it is effective, incorporating alternatives like "consequently" or "thus" could add variety.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity. For instance, you might introduce contrasting ideas with phrases like "on the other hand" or "in contrast" when discussing opposing viewpoints, which would further strengthen the argument’s coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "mitigate," "deterrent," and "lucrative careers." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases such as "technology plays a crucial role" and "impact on crime prevention," which appear multiple times. This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "technology plays a crucial role," alternatives like "technology is instrumental" or "technology significantly contributes" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to crime and technology, such as "surveillance," "intervention," or "cybersecurity," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "contribute to find viable approach" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning seems to be that technology helps find viable approaches, but the phrasing detracts from clarity. Similarly, "human many lucrative careers" is grammatically incorrect and confusing.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy when using vocabulary. Phrasing such as "offer many lucrative career opportunities" would be clearer and more precise. Additionally, reviewing the sentence structure and ensuring that subjects and verbs agree will help improve overall precision in vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "contribute" instead of "contributes" in the phrase "it not only contribute to find." This error indicates a lack of attention to subject-verb agreement, which can affect spelling accuracy. However, overall spelling is generally correct, and there are no glaring mistakes that impede understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on common grammatical structures and ensuring that verbs agree with their subjects. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice exercises that emphasize common spelling patterns could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and uses a fair range of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of the complex sentence "Because of the perception that their actions are being recorded, people have always been discouraged to violate the regulations" effectively conveys a causal relationship. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the second paragraph, where many sentences begin with "technology" or "these devices," which can lead to a monotonous rhythm.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "technology," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Moreover," to introduce new ideas. Additionally, using passive voice in some instances could provide a different perspective on the actions being described, such as "Security cameras are widely used as monitoring tools…" This would help to break the pattern and add complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "it not only contribute to find viable approach" should be corrected to "it not only contributes to finding a viable approach." The use of punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some issues, such as the unnecessary space before the period in "impact on preventing crime ."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects take singular verbs, as seen in the previous example. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as spacing and comma usage, would enhance clarity and professionalism. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring could also help the writer become more aware of grammatical rules and their applications in different contexts.

Overall, the essay displays a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in sentence variety and attention to detail in grammar and punctuation. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency in their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that there is a decrease in the crime rate compared to the past due to the significance of technology, while others believe that it has little impact on preventing crime. From my perspective, I firmly believe that technology plays a crucial role in crime prevention.

I agree with the idea that technology is able to mitigate crime issues because it has developed such advanced techniques. One compelling example of technology’s impact on crime prevention is the widespread use of security cameras. These devices serve as a monitoring tool to help police supervise public areas. As a result, it not only contributes to finding viable approaches to preventing crimes but also acts as a deterrent. Because of the perception that their actions are being recorded, people are consistently discouraged from violating regulations, contributing to a decline in the crime rate in society.

Furthermore, in today’s era of global integration, technological advancements are able to create more career prospects such as software development or data science, which are likely to offer individuals numerous lucrative career opportunities in the future. This is mainly because some people engage in criminal activities as a means of sustenance. Therefore, if technology can guarantee more employment opportunities and offer many compelling reasons for personal growth, the crime rate can probably be easier to control.

In conclusion, although preventing crimes can be difficult to some extent, I still believe that the advancement of technology plays a pivotal role in creating safer and more secure societies.