The cultures of many countries around the world become more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?

These days, it is recognizable that cultural borders between numerous nations around the world have gradually diminished. From my perspective, this phenomenon is driven by several factors and ultimately brings out several drawbacks, all of which will be pointed out in this essay.

There are various reasons behind the rise of cultural similarities among countries, with the most significant being the advent of the Internet. Thanks to the online platforms’ popularity, people tend to be exposed to different cultures and traditions, creating long-lasting memories and interests in individuals' minds. Therefore, more and more citizens possibly desire to gain deeper insights and apply new cultural rules that they have encountered online into their daily lives. As time passes by, these activities will blend different cultures together, making them become one.

On the other hand, cultural fusion has the ability to pose great challenges to many aspects, especially to cultural diversity. Specifically, as the erosion of cultures become more prevalent, countries all around the world face the risk of cultural identities’ extinction. The loss of cultural diversity generates the lack of connection to the heritage, resulting in a sense of cultural monotony as well as depriving future generations of their cultural roots. Moreover, there is an undeniable fact that the diversity of cultures around the world fosters innovation by bringing together different ideas, so if the cultural homogenization is generalized, people lose their opportunities to approach diverse ways of thinking and problem-solving, resulting in the lack of creativity globally.

In conclusion, the similarity of cultures is notably contributed by the ubiquitousness of the Internet in today's world and by spreading this trend, people may deal with the disappearance of cultural disparity in the globe at the same time as the creation of monotonous thinking.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."
"recognizable" -> "apparent"
Explanation: "Apparent" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "recognizable," which can imply a subjective perception rather than an objective fact.
"numerous nations" -> "many countries"
Explanation: "Many countries" is a more natural and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "numerous nations," which can sound slightly archaic.
"driven by" -> "attributed to"
Explanation: "Attributed to" is a more formal and precise term that fits better in academic contexts, indicating causality more clearly than "driven by."
"ultimately brings out" -> "ultimately results in"
Explanation: "Results in" is a more direct and formal expression, enhancing the clarity and precision of the sentence.
"all of which will be pointed out" -> "which will be discussed"
Explanation: "Which will be discussed" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, avoiding the colloquial tone of "pointed out."
"Thanks to the online platforms’ popularity" -> "owing to the popularity of online platforms"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal preposition than "thanks to," and rephrasing the phrase improves the flow and formality of the sentence.
"more and more citizens possibly desire" -> "an increasing number of citizens may desire"
Explanation: "An increasing number of citizens may desire" is more precise and formal, avoiding the repetitive and informal "more and more."
"As time passes by" -> "As time progresses"
Explanation: "As time progresses" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "As time passes by."
"making them become one" -> "resulting in their integration"
Explanation: "Resulting in their integration" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "making them become one."
"pose great challenges" -> "pose significant challenges"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more precise and formal adjective than "great," which can be seen as overly colloquial in academic writing.
"erosion of cultures become more prevalent" -> "erosion of cultures becomes more prevalent"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "become" to "becomes" to match the singular subject "erosion."
"cultural identities’ extinction" -> "the extinction of cultural identities"
Explanation: "The extinction of cultural identities" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving clarity and precision.
"generates the lack of connection" -> "leads to a lack of connection"
Explanation: "Leads to" is a more direct and formal causal connector than "generates," which can be less commonly used in this context.
"undeniable fact" -> "undeniable truth"
Explanation: "Truth" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "fact," which can be seen as too simplistic.
"notably contributed by" -> "notably contributed to"
Explanation: "Contributed to" is the correct preposition to use in this context, indicating contribution to a process or phenomenon.
"spreading this trend" -> "the spread of this trend"
Explanation: "The spread of this trend" is a more formal and precise way to describe the ongoing process of cultural homogenization.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the trend of cultural similarities and evaluating its implications. The author identifies the Internet as a significant factor in cultural convergence and mentions the negative consequences of this trend, such as the erosion of cultural diversity and the potential loss of creativity. However, while the reasons are articulated, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both positive and negative aspects, particularly in the conclusion where the positive implications are not sufficiently addressed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly mention any positive outcomes of cultural similarities, such as increased global understanding or cooperation. Including a more nuanced discussion that weighs both sides of the argument would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that cultural similarities are primarily negative, as indicated by phrases like "brings out several drawbacks" and "risk of cultural identities’ extinction." However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the transition between discussing the reasons and the drawbacks could be smoother to maintain the focus on the negative aspects without losing sight of the initial discussion on reasons.
- How to improve: The author should ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument. This can be achieved by using linking phrases that connect the reasons for cultural similarities directly to their negative consequences, thus creating a more cohesive narrative.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly around the impact of the Internet on cultural convergence and the implications for cultural diversity. However, some points, such as the idea of "cultural monotony," could be further developed with examples or elaboration. The argument about the loss of creativity is compelling but lacks specific instances or evidence to support it, which weakens the overall impact.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should include specific examples or case studies that illustrate how cultural homogenization has led to a loss of diversity or creativity. This could involve referencing specific cultural phenomena or trends that exemplify the points made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for cultural similarities and their implications. However, there are moments where the discussion could veer slightly off-topic, particularly in the conclusion, where the phrasing "the creation of monotonous thinking" could be clearer and more directly tied to the main argument about cultural similarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all concluding statements directly reflect the main points discussed in the essay. A more precise summary of the key arguments made in the body paragraphs would help reinforce the topic and provide a clearer closure to the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides of the issue, greater development of ideas with supporting examples, and a more cohesive structure that reinforces the main position throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and consequences, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the phenomenon and hinting at the drawbacks. The body paragraphs logically follow this structure, with the first paragraph addressing the reasons for cultural similarities and the second discussing the negative implications. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from discussing reasons to consequences feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in focus. For example, at the beginning of the second body paragraph, a phrase like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could help signal the transition from discussing reasons to discussing the drawbacks of cultural homogenization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, with the first focusing on the reasons for cultural similarities and the second on the negative consequences. However, the paragraphs could be further strengthened by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For instance, the first body paragraph could begin with, "One of the primary reasons for the increasing similarity of cultures is the widespread use of the Internet." This would provide clarity and set the tone for the details that follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "on the other hand," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "As time passes by" could be replaced with a more cohesive device that indicates a cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Additionally" to introduce new points, "Consequently" to show results, or "Furthermore" to add information. This will enhance the fluidity of the essay and make the relationships between ideas clearer.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical organization, there are areas for improvement. Enhancing transitions between paragraphs, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay overall.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "cultural borders," "cultural fusion," "cultural diversity," and "cultural monotony" are effectively employed to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "cultural similarities" is repeated, which could be substituted with synonyms like "cultural convergence" or "cultural homogeneity" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help identify alternative expressions. Additionally, practicing writing essays on similar topics can help in developing a richer vocabulary base.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a good level of precision, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the erosion of cultures become more prevalent" could be more accurately expressed as "the erosion of cultural identities becomes more prevalent," which clarifies the subject matter. Additionally, the term "monotonous thinking" may not fully capture the intended meaning; "homogeneous thinking" or "uniform thinking" might be more precise.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that each term accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and considering the context in which specific words are used. Engaging in exercises that focus on word choice and context can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "recognizable," "significant," "heritage," and "ubiquitousness" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While the spelling is generally correct, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially with more complex or less frequently used words. Regular reading and writing can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can catch any inadvertent errors that may arise.

In summary, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of vocabulary, though there is room for improvement in variety and precision. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing word choice for precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "Thanks to the online platforms’ popularity" and "As time passes by, these activities will blend different cultures together" showcases an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "there are" or "the loss of," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "there are," the writer could use alternatives like "One significant factor is…" or "Another aspect to consider is…". Additionally, using more varied transition words and phrases can help to create smoother connections between ideas and enhance the flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammatical accuracy is quite strong, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the erosion of cultures become more prevalent" should be corrected to "the erosion of cultures becomes more prevalent" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the use of punctuation is generally effective, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as in the sentence "Moreover, there is an undeniable fact that the diversity of cultures around the world fosters innovation by bringing together different ideas," which could benefit from a comma before "which" to separate the clauses more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that all verbs correctly correspond to their subjects. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help clarify meaning and improve readability. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also aid in identifying and correcting these common errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, it is apparent that cultural borders between numerous nations around the world have gradually diminished. From my perspective, this phenomenon is driven by several factors and ultimately results in several drawbacks, all of which will be discussed in this essay.

There are various reasons behind the rise of cultural similarities among countries, with the most significant being the advent of the Internet. Owing to the popularity of online platforms, people tend to be exposed to different cultures and traditions, creating long-lasting memories and interests in individuals’ minds. Therefore, an increasing number of citizens may desire to gain deeper insights and apply new cultural rules that they have encountered online into their daily lives. As time progresses, these activities will blend different cultures together, resulting in their integration.

On the other hand, cultural fusion has the ability to pose significant challenges to many aspects, especially cultural diversity. Specifically, as the erosion of cultures becomes more prevalent, countries all around the world face the risk of the extinction of cultural identities. The loss of cultural diversity leads to a lack of connection to heritage, resulting in a sense of cultural monotony and depriving future generations of their cultural roots. Moreover, there is an undeniable truth that the diversity of cultures around the world fosters innovation by bringing together different ideas. If cultural homogenization becomes generalized, people lose their opportunities to approach diverse ways of thinking and problem-solving, ultimately resulting in a lack of creativity globally.

In conclusion, the similarity of cultures is notably attributed to the ubiquitousness of the Internet in today’s world, and with the spread of this trend, people may face the disappearance of cultural disparity in the globe alongside the creation of monotonous thinking.