The diagram below show a small local museum and its surroundings in 1957 and 2007

The pictures depict the transformation of a small local museum configuration with its neighborhood in the period of 50 years, from 1957 to 2007.
Overall, the museum underwent a remarkable renovation, with the removal of almost all surrounding trees and the construction of new facilities, nearly doubling the size of the museum.
Previously, the museum was located in a small area in the middle right of the neighborhood, surrounded by a vast garden in the remaining space.
Visitors entered the area via small path leading from the main road to the entrance hall. It was located in the central front of the museum, from which, visitors could access to the local history room on the corner left, and a museum store room on the opposite.
It was located in the central front of the museum, allowing visitors to access the local history room on the left corner and a museum storage room on the opposite side."
A large room at the southern end of the museum was devoted for national history exhibition.
Over the next 50 years the front garden within the small path was replaced by a large car park.
A new construction was erected in the place adjacent on to the left side of the former museum. It housed a new entrance in the front and a new museum shop behind it, as the old museum was relocated to make space for a new café.
As visitors passed through the museum shop, they entered to main exhibition space. A new reception room was positioned on the bottom left corner, occupied where local history once stood.
This caused the latter facility to expand towards the centerward, encompassing the entire area of the former exhibition of natural history.
Moreover, the development included the introduction of new amenities, featuring special exhibitions positioned at the top left and an education center situated at the top right of the new museum.
Notably, as trees were being cut down to make way for the expansion, a much small garden was positioned in the northwest of the layout, with a very few trees.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"configuration" -> "layout"
Explanation: While "configuration" can refer to the arrangement of elements, "layout" is more commonly used in the context of describing the arrangement or design of a space, which fits better in this context.
"the removal of almost all surrounding trees" -> "the clearance of nearly all surrounding trees"
Explanation: "Clearance" conveys a more deliberate and systematic removal, fitting the context of a planned renovation better than just "removal."
"small area" -> "compact space"
Explanation: "Compact space" adds a nuanced description, emphasizing the limited size in a more sophisticated manner than simply "small area."
"via small path leading from the main road" -> "via a narrow path extending from the main road"
Explanation: "Narrow path" provides a more vivid description, evoking a clearer image of the pathway.
"access to the local history room on the left corner" -> "access to the local history room situated in the left corner"
Explanation: Adding "situated in" provides a clearer indication of the location of the local history room.
"store room" -> "storage room"
Explanation: "Storage room" is a more precise term for a room used for storing items than "store room," which could imply a retail space.
"a large room at the southern end of the museum was devoted for national history exhibition" -> "a spacious room at the southern end of the museum was dedicated to a national history exhibition"
Explanation: "Spacious" conveys a sense of size more effectively than "large," and "dedicated to" emphasizes the purpose of the room.
"over the next 50 years" -> "over the subsequent 50 years"
Explanation: "Subsequent" adds a layer of temporal precision, indicating the following 50 years more precisely.
"adjacent on to" -> "adjacent to"
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is the correct phrase to denote something being next to or adjoining another thing.
"housed a new entrance in the front" -> "contained a new front entrance"
Explanation: "Contained" is a more formal alternative to "housed" and "front entrance" is clearer and more concise than "entrance in the front."
"the old museum was relocated" -> "the former museum was relocated"
Explanation: "Former" is more appropriate than "old" in this context as it refers to the previous museum that was relocated.
"as visitors passed through the museum shop, they entered to main exhibition space" -> "as visitors passed through the museum shop, they entered the main exhibition space"
Explanation: Removing "to" after "entered" corrects the preposition usage, making the sentence grammatically accurate.
"positioned on the bottom left corner" -> "positioned in the bottom left corner"
Explanation: "In" is the appropriate preposition to indicate location within a corner.
"occupying where local history once stood" -> "occupying the space where the local history exhibit once stood"
Explanation: "Space" adds clarity to what is being occupied, and "exhibit" specifies what aspect of local history was previously there.
"centerward" -> "toward the center"
Explanation: "Toward the center" is a more standard and clear way to express movement toward the center.
"the introduction of new amenities" -> "the addition of new amenities"
Explanation: "Addition" is more precise and commonly used when referring to bringing something new into a space.
"featuring special exhibitions positioned at the top left" -> "including special exhibitions situated in the top left"
Explanation: "Situated in" provides a clearer indication of the location of the special exhibitions.
"as trees were being cut down" -> "as trees were being cleared"
Explanation: "Cleared" conveys the idea of deliberate removal more effectively than "cut down."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the transformation of the museum and its surroundings from 1957 to 2007. Key features such as the relocation of facilities, construction of new buildings, and changes in the landscape are presented and highlighted. However, some details could be further extended for a more comprehensive analysis.
How to improve: To improve, consider providing more specific details and explanations about the impact of the changes on the museum and its surroundings. Additionally, ensure consistency in the presentation of information and avoid repetition.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, indicating the transformation of the museum and its surroundings over a 50-year period. There is a basic progression from describing the initial museum layout to its changes over time. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks overall progression as it jumps between different aspects of the museum without a clear structure. There is also repetition, such as describing the museum’s location twice. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the essay more clearly. Start with a clear introduction outlining the main changes observed, then proceed to describe each change chronologically or thematically. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. Avoid repetitive information and refine sentence structure for clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "renovation," "adjacent," "encompassing," and "amenities," but with some inaccuracy and repetition ("museum" and "area" are repeated). The essay presents a clear progression of ideas, describing the changes in the museum and its surroundings over the given period. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "small local museum configuration" (awkward phrasing) and repetitive phrases like "from which, visitors could access." Some errors in spelling and word formation, like "store room" instead of "storage room," are present, but they do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, strive for more varied and precise word choices, avoiding repetition and awkward phrasing. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is essential to enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary related to the museum context and urban development could enrich the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing a range of structures. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which occasionally affect clarity but do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on proofreading for errors in subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. Additionally, strive for clearer expression and coherence in ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate the evolution of a local museum and its surroundings over a span of five decades, from 1957 to 2007.

Initially, the museum occupied a modest space in the middle right of its neighborhood, surrounded by an expansive garden. Accessible via a narrow pathway leading from the main road, the entrance hall served as the focal point for visitors. From there, one could explore the local history room situated in the left corner and a museum storage room on the opposite side. Adjacent to the museum, a sizable room at the southern end was designated for national history exhibitions.

Over the ensuing half-century, significant changes unfolded. The once verdant front garden was replaced by a spacious car park, catering to the increasing influx of visitors. A new construction emerged adjacent to the original museum, accommodating a fresh entrance and a revamped museum shop, necessitating the relocation of the former museum to accommodate a new café.

Upon entering the museum shop, visitors were ushered into the main exhibition space. A newly established reception room now occupied the bottom left corner, encroaching upon the previous location of the local history exhibit. Consequently, the latter facility expanded towards the center, absorbing the former area dedicated to natural history exhibitions.

Moreover, the renovation project introduced additional amenities. Special exhibitions found their place at the top left, while an education center was established at the museum’s top right corner. Notably, as part of the expansion, the removal of trees resulted in the creation of a smaller garden in the northwest corner, adorned with a sparse collection of trees.

In summary, the transformation of the local museum and its environs over five decades is evident, marked by extensive renovations and the introduction of new facilities and features.