The diagram below shows how bricks are made. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The diagram below shows how bricks are made.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The linear diagram presents the manufacturing process of bricks, which is divided into three main stages. These include mining and keeping clay in a specific facility, then processing and culminating in the final products which are packed for consumption.
First, clay stored in an inventory is dug for production brinks. Following this, the raw material is rolled and reduced in size by the clay breaker so that preparing for the next step. After the fragments are blended with water, it is formed and cut into the raw shape of the bricks. In the next step, they are covered by a sprayer on the assembly line. Once it’s finished, these bricks are dried in an open space before they are heated and cooled it through a furnace by adjusting the temperature for an amount of time. The resulting products are finally ready to be packed and delivered in the final main stage.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"manufacturing process of bricks" -> "brick manufacturing process"
Explanation: Using the term "brick manufacturing process" is more concise and specific, avoiding unnecessary repetition.
"mining and keeping clay" -> "extracting and storing clay"
Explanation: "Mining" implies extracting minerals from the ground, while "extracting" is more appropriate for clay. Additionally, "keeping" can be replaced with "storing" for clarity and precision.
"production brinks" -> "brick production"
Explanation: "Production brinks" is incorrect; "brick production" is the correct term to describe the process of making bricks.
"reduced in size by the clay breaker so that preparing for the next step" -> "reduced in size by the clay breaker in preparation for the next step"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"it is formed and cut into the raw shape of the bricks" -> "they are formed and cut into the initial shape of bricks"
Explanation: Clarifying that "they" refers to the clay fragments, not just the process.
"they are covered by a sprayer on the assembly line" -> "a sprayer covers them on the assembly line"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and coherence.
"Once it’s finished" -> "Once they are finished"
Explanation: Ensuring agreement in number; "it" should be replaced with "they" to refer to the plural noun "bricks."
"before they are heated and cooled it through a furnace" -> "before they undergo heating and cooling in a furnace"
Explanation: Improving clarity and removing redundancy.
"for an amount of time" -> "for a specified duration"
Explanation: Enhancing precision and formality by replacing the vague phrase "amount of time" with "specified duration."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the Task 1 diagram and presents an overview of the manufacturing process of bricks. The candidate has attempted to organize the essay into clear stages, highlighting the key features of the brick manufacturing process, which aligns with the descriptor for Band 6. The essay identifies stages and key elements like mining, processing, and the final product preparation, thereby acknowledging the main requirements of the task. However, there are some issues that prevent the essay from achieving a higher band. The details provided occasionally include minor errors or ambiguities ("it is formed and cut into the raw shape of the bricks" could be more precise). Additionally, the transitions between stages could be smoother, and the language use shows room for improvement to convey the process more accurately and effectively.

How to improve:

Ensure all key features of the process are highlighted clearly and described accurately. Avoid ambiguities or general statements that do not add clarity to the description of the process.
Improve the logical flow between stages of the process by using transitional phrases that better connect each step, enhancing the reader’s understanding of the sequence.
Refine the language to be more precise and specific in describing the technical aspects of brick manufacturing, such as the role and function of machinery and the conditions in each stage.
Enhance the overall structure of the essay by dedicating a clear, distinct paragraph to each major stage of the process, improving readability and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, outlining the three main stages of brick production. There is a clear overall progression from mining clay to the final packing stage. Cohesive devices such as "first," "following this," and "in the next step" help in guiding the reader through the process. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as the abrupt transition between the second and third stages. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections, affecting the flow of ideas.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between stages. Use transitional phrases or words to link ideas more effectively. Also, pay attention to maintaining a consistent flow of information throughout the essay. Finally, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and logical progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "culminating," "fragments," and "inventory." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "production brinks" instead of "production bricks" and "it is formed and cut into the raw shape of the bricks" could be more succinctly expressed. Additionally, there are errors in word formation and spelling, such as "brinks" instead of "bricks," "it" instead of "they" in the sentence "Once it’s finished," and "furnace by adjusting the temperature for an amount of time" could be better structured. Despite these errors, they do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary more accurately and precisely. Review word choice and collocation to ensure they are appropriate for the context. Additionally, pay attention to word formation and spelling to minimize errors that could affect clarity. Strive for more clarity and conciseness in expressions to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing some variety in structures. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary and shows an understanding of the task by summarizing the main features of the brick-making process.

How to improve:
To improve, focus on enhancing the variety of sentence structures further. Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving punctuation accuracy. Ensure that complex sentences are used accurately, as errors in these can impact the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to word choice and clarity to further enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided linear diagram illustrates the sequential process involved in the production of bricks, delineated into three primary stages: clay extraction and storage, processing, and packaging for distribution.

Initially, the clay, held in reserve, is excavated for brick production. Subsequently, the raw material undergoes reduction in size through a clay breaker, preparing it for the subsequent phases. Following this, the fragments are mixed with water, shaped, and cut into the initial form of bricks. In the subsequent step, a sprayer coats them on the assembly line. Once this process is completed, the bricks are left to dry in an open area before being subjected to heating and cooling in a furnace, where temperature adjustments are made over a specific duration. Finally, the resultant products are packaged and dispatched in the concluding stage for distribution.

Overall, the diagram delineates a systematic progression from raw material extraction to the final stage of product packaging, encapsulating the essential stages of brick manufacturing.