The diagram below shows how drinking water is made using solar power. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The diagram below shows how drinking water is made using solar power.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The picture delineates the process in which drinking water is made by using solar energy.

Overall, there are six main steps in the process, which can be grouped into three main stages. These include absorbing the sunlight, making usable drinking water with machinery and finally filling into movable container.

In the initial stage, the sunlight is absorbed by a solar panel before being transferred to a converter. After that, the energy undergo a transforming phase to become electricity. The generated electricity then piped into the pump, which assists the amount of water flow into a tank.

The process continues with the storage of water in the tank, followed by pushing it to a faucet. Finally, the tap is turned to deliver water into the movable container.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The picture delineates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Delineates" is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic contexts. "Illustrates" is more precise and widely accepted in formal writing.
"drinking water is made" -> "drinking water is produced"
Explanation: "Made" can be seen as too informal for academic writing. "Produced" is more formal and appropriate for describing the process of manufacturing or creating something.
"using solar energy" -> "utilizing solar energy"
Explanation: "Using" is straightforward but can be too casual for academic writing. "Utilizing" is more formal and precise, fitting the context better.
"making usable drinking water with machinery" -> "producing potable water through machinery"
Explanation: "Usable drinking water" is redundant and informal. "Potable water" is the standard term in academic and scientific contexts, and "producing" is more precise than "making" in describing the process.
"filling into movable container" -> "filling a portable container"
Explanation: "Movable" is less specific and can be confused with "movable" as an adjective. "Portable" clearly indicates the container’s ability to be carried, which is more precise.
"the sunlight is absorbed" -> "solar radiation is absorbed"
Explanation: "Sunlight" is a less formal term; "solar radiation" is scientifically precise and more appropriate for an academic description of the process.
"energy undergo a transforming phase" -> "energy undergoes a transformation"
Explanation: "Undergo a transforming phase" is awkward and incorrect grammatically. "Undergoes a transformation" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.
"piped into the pump" -> "fed into the pump"
Explanation: "Piped" is less formal and can be vague; "fed" is more precise and commonly used in technical descriptions of fluid flow.
"amount of water flow" -> "volume of water flow"
Explanation: "Amount" is vague and less specific in this context. "Volume" is the correct term for describing the quantity of fluid flow.
"pushing it to a faucet" -> "pumping it to a faucet"
Explanation: "Pushing" is informal and less precise. "Pumping" is the correct term for describing the action of moving fluids through a system.
"tap is turned" -> "tap is turned on"
Explanation: "Tap" can be ambiguous; "tap is turned on" clarifies that the valve is being activated, which is more specific and contextually accurate.
"deliver water into the movable container" -> "supply water to the portable container"
Explanation: "Deliver" is slightly informal and less specific. "Supply" is more formal and appropriate for describing the provision of goods or services, including water. "Portable" is also more precise than "movable" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay does not adequately cover all the key features of the process, and there is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the key features of the process, and providing more relevant details. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that the process involves absorbing sunlight, converting it to electricity, using the electricity to pump water from an underground well, storing the water in a tank, and then delivering the water to a movable container. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the process, such as the type of solar panel used, the capacity of the water tank, and the size of the movable container.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents a coherent overview of the process of making drinking water using solar energy. It arranges information and ideas in a logical sequence, with a clear overall progression from the absorption of sunlight to the delivery of water into a movable container. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. Additionally, paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. Improving the logical flow between sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic would also strengthen the overall coherence. Furthermore, refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid any mechanical feel would elevate the essay’s quality.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "delineates," "transforming phase," and "movable container," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "the energy undergo a transforming phase." Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and grammar, such as "the amount of water flow" which could be more naturally phrased. These issues do not significantly impede communication but do detract from the overall lexical resource.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct subject-verb agreement and refining awkward phrases for clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, while maintaining accuracy in word choice and collocation, would also be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can help improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to describe the process clearly, there are some grammatical errors (e.g., "the energy undergo a transforming phase" should be "the energy undergoes a transforming phase") and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder communication. However, the overall meaning is still conveyed effectively, and the structure is logical.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and enhancing the variety of sentence forms used. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and improving punctuation would contribute to clearer communication and a more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The picture delineates the process by which drinking water is made using solar energy.

Overall, there are six main steps in the process, which can be grouped into three primary stages. These include absorbing sunlight, producing usable drinking water with machinery, and finally filling it into a movable container.

In the initial stage, sunlight is absorbed by a solar panel before being transferred to a converter. After that, the energy undergoes a transformation phase to become electricity. The generated electricity is then piped into a pump, which assists in controlling the flow of water into a tank.

The process continues with the storage of water in the tank, followed by pushing it to a faucet. Finally, the tap is turned to deliver water into the movable container.