The diagram below shows how drinking water is made using solar power. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and made comparison where relevent

The diagram below shows how drinking water is made using solar power.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and made comparison where relevent

The diagram demonstrates the process of producing clean water using solar energy.
Overall, there are six main stages in the process, beginning with sunlight being absorbed by solar panel and finishing with pouring drinking water into a moveable container.
To begin with, radiation from the sun is absorbed by a solar panel, it is then converted into electricity by a square-shaped converter. Following this, the converted electricity is used to power the pump, which is placed at a underground well. The process continues with dirty water being pumped from the ground into a water tank, which is located on a platform made by wood.
In the subsequent stages, dirty water is filter using a tank which has a shape of a square box. In the box, there is a standing and hollow cylinder connected to a pipe; when the water level is higher than the height of the cylinder, water is able to flow down through this pipe to a container due to gravity. Finally, people can move the container to any where they want for drinking purpose.

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Errors and Improvements:

"sunlight being absorbed" -> "solar radiation absorption"
Explanation: "Sunlight being absorbed" is a basic description. "Solar radiation absorption" is a more precise and formal term, emphasizing the scientific aspect of the process.
"finishing with pouring" -> "culminating in the pouring"
Explanation: "Finishing with pouring" is somewhat informal. "Culminating in the pouring" adds a sense of progression and finality to the process.
"it is then converted" -> "which is then converted"
Explanation: The pronoun "it" lacks clear antecedent reference. Using "which" clarifies that it refers to solar radiation.
"a underground well" -> "an underground well"
Explanation: "A" should be replaced with "an" before a word starting with a vowel sound, as in "underground."
"a water tank, which is located on a platform made by wood" -> "a water tank situated on a wooden platform"
Explanation: "Made by wood" is grammatically incorrect. "Situated on a wooden platform" is more concise and grammatically correct.
"filter using a tank" -> "filtered using a tank"
Explanation: "Filter using a tank" lacks proper verb tense. "Filtered using a tank" is the correct past participle form.
"which has a shape of a square box" -> "which is in the shape of a square box"
Explanation: "Has a shape of a square box" is awkward phrasing. "Is in the shape of a square box" is more concise and grammatically correct.
"there is a standing and hollow cylinder connected to a pipe" -> "a vertical hollow cylinder connected to a pipe"
Explanation: "Standing" is vague and redundant. "Vertical" provides a clearer description of the cylinder’s orientation.
"due to gravity" -> "owing to gravity"
Explanation: "Due to" is somewhat informal. "Owing to" is a more formal alternative.
"people can move the container to any where they want" -> "individuals can relocate the container as desired"
Explanation: "Move the container to any where they want" is colloquial. "Relocate the container as desired" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the process of producing clean water using solar power. It presents an overview of the six main stages involved in the process, from solar energy absorption to pouring drinking water into a container. The key features, such as the solar panel, converter, pump, water tank, filtration process, and portable container, are highlighted. However, some details are lacking, and certain parts could be more fully developed for a clearer understanding.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific details about each stage of the process, such as the capacity of the solar panel, the efficiency of the converter, the filtration mechanism, and the portability features of the container. Additionally, ensuring accuracy and relevance of details would enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the response. Further expansion on how each stage contributes to the overall process would strengthen the essay’s coherence and completeness.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an ability to arrange information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the absorption of sunlight to the final stage of pouring water into a movable container. This progression follows the Band 6 descriptor of arranging information and ideas coherently. Cohesive devices such as "Overall," "To begin with," "Following this," and "Finally" are utilized to connect the stages of the process. However, the cohesion within and/or between sentences is occasionally mechanical, and there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved to facilitate a smoother flow of information.

The essay partially meets higher band descriptors with logical sequencing of ideas and the use of cohesive devices, but falls short of Band 7 due to occasional awkwardness in the usage of these devices and sentence structures, which disrupts the seamless flow of information. The paragraphing in the essay is adequate, yet it does not display the skillful management required for a higher band score. There is clear referencing, yet it could be improved to reduce repetition and enhance clarity.

How to improve:

Refine cohesive device usage: The essay would benefit from more varied and accurately applied cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas, avoiding mechanical transitions.
Enhance paragraph management: Developing more distinct paragraphs that encapsulate separate stages of the process could improve the logical flow and readability of the essay. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one or two stages of the process with clearer demarcations.
Improve sentence variety and structure: Employing a range of sentence structures can enhance the readability and coherence of the essay. Avoid overly long sentences and ensure that each sentence clearly conveys a single idea.
Clarify and expand ideas: Some stages in the process could be elaborated upon to provide more detail and clarity. This includes more precise descriptions of how components function and interact within the system.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the key elements of the process effectively. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary such as "converter," "hollow cylinder," and "gravity," which adds depth to the description. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "filter using a tank" (should be "filtered using a tank") and "people can move the container to any where they want" (should be "people can move the container anywhere they want"). Additionally, some phrasing could be smoother for better clarity and precision.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining word choice and phrasing for greater accuracy and clarity. Pay attention to grammar structures and collocations to ensure smooth and natural expression. Expand vocabulary further to include more precise and varied terminology relevant to the topic. Additionally, proofreading for errors in spelling and word formation is recommended to enhance overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It effectively communicates the main stages of the process of producing clean water using solar energy. There is an attempt at using a variety of structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("there are six main stages" should be "there are six main stages"), preposition usage ("with pouring drinking water into a moveable container" could be improved to "by pouring drinking water into a movable container"), and tense consistency ("dirty water is filter" should be "dirty water is filtered"). These errors, while present, do not significantly hinder understanding.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on maintaining consistent verb tense throughout the essay. Additionally, review subject-verb agreement rules to ensure correctness. Pay attention to preposition usage for clarity and accuracy. Proofreading for punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect placement of punctuation marks, would also enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay. Lastly, strive for more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical abilities.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided report outlines the process of producing clean drinking water using solar power, consisting of six main stages. It begins with the absorption of sunlight by a solar panel, which is then converted into electricity by a square-shaped converter. This electricity powers a pump situated in an underground well, which draws up dirty water into a water tank positioned on a wooden platform.

Subsequently, the dirty water is filtered through a square box-shaped tank. Inside this tank, there is a standing, hollow cylinder connected to a pipe. When the water level exceeds the height of the cylinder, gravity causes the water to flow down the pipe into a container. Finally, the clean drinking water can be moved to any desired location for consumption.