the diagram below shows how electricity is generated in a hydroelectric power station

The picture illustrates the process of electricity generation in a hydroelectric power station.

Overall, the process comprises a number of stages, commencing with the river flowing to the front of the dam, through the different mixing stages, culminating in the electricity made up and distributed to the network of a certain region.

At the beginning of the process, water from certain rivers at the high-level reservoir is pumped into the dam by opening the dam gates during the daytime and closing at night. Subsequently, the water continues to flow to the power station by a pipe to produce electrical power throughout the day but when it is dark out, the water will be pumped back into the conduit.

The process continues with the flow of water making the reversible turbines operational by the way arrive at the low-level reservoir in the daytime, and then it pushes the water back into the high-level reservoir in the nighttime. Once the reversible turbines operate, electricity will be created and brought to the country’s grid.

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Errors and Improvements:

"electricity made up" -> "electricity generated"
Explanation: "Generated" is a more precise and commonly used term in the context of electricity production, conveying the idea of creating electricity from a source.
"network of a certain region" -> "local grid"
Explanation: "Local grid" is a more specific and concise term referring to the interconnected system for distributing electricity within a particular area.
"water from certain rivers" -> "water from specific rivers"
Explanation: "Specific" provides a clearer description, indicating particular rivers rather than merely "certain" ones.
"the way arrive at" -> "reaching"
Explanation: "Reaching" is a more direct and grammatically correct alternative to "the way arrive at," improving the clarity and flow of the sentence.
"making the reversible turbines operational" -> "activating the reversible turbines"
Explanation: "Activating" conveys the action of starting or making something operational in a more precise and active voice than "making operational."
"brought to the country’s grid" -> "fed into the national grid"
Explanation: "Fed into" is a commonly used phrase in the context of electricity distribution, indicating the process of supplying electricity to the national grid for wider distribution.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the Task 1 prompt by describing the process of electricity generation in a hydroelectric power station. It presents an overview and attempts to highlight key features of the process such as the flow of water, the operation of reversible turbines, and the generation of electricity. However, the essay includes details that may be considered irrelevant or inappropriate for the task. For instance, the mention of pumping water back into the conduit at night is not clearly linked to the main process of electricity generation and may confuse the reader. Additionally, the overview provided does not clearly differentiate between main trends or stages, and it lacks precision in the explanation of the process.

How to improve:
To improve the score, the writer should focus on presenting a clearer and more logical overview of the process, ensuring that all stages are accurately and succinctly described. The explanation of each stage should be directly relevant to the electricity generation process, avoiding any unnecessary details that do not contribute to understanding the main task. Clarity and precision in describing each key feature are crucial to meet higher band descriptors. Additionally, using more precise language and ensuring that all information presented directly relates to the diagram and the prompt will help in achieving a higher band score.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent structure overall, with clear progression through the stages of the process. Each paragraph focuses on a different stage, providing a logical flow of information from the initial reservoir to the electricity distribution. However, there are some areas where cohesion could be improved. While the essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences, there are instances where the cohesion may be somewhat mechanical, such as repetitive use of certain phrases like "at the beginning of the process" and "the process continues". Additionally, there is room for improvement in paragraphing, as the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer can vary sentence structures and transition phrases to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs by providing clearer topic sentences and using cohesive devices more strategically can further improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some basic technical terms related to electricity generation in a hydroelectric power station. The writer attempts to describe the process, but there is a lack of variety and depth in the vocabulary used. Some terms like "high-level reservoir," "dam gates," "power station," and "reversible turbines" are appropriate for the topic but are used repetitively. Additionally, there are some noticeable errors in word choice and word formation, such as "electricity made up" (which is unclear) and "the way arrive at" (which lacks clarity and precision).

How to improve:

Expand your vocabulary to include a wider range of technical terms related to hydroelectric power generation, such as "turbine blades," "generator," "transmission lines," etc.
Use more precise and specific language to describe each stage of the process.
Pay attention to word choice and avoid using phrases that may confuse the reader.
Proofread the essay carefully to correct errors in word formation and spelling, ensuring clarity and accuracy in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures but lacks full accuracy, especially in complex sentences. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, "throughout the day but when it is dark out, the water will be pumped back into the conduit" could be improved for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, some sentences could be more complex and varied for a higher score.
How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of complex structures with more accuracy. Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation to reduce errors and improve overall clarity. Aim for more complex sentences that are accurate and effectively convey the meaning.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram delineates the sequential steps involved in generating electricity at a hydroelectric power station.

Overall, the process encompasses several stages, initiating with the flow of the river towards the dam, passing through various mixing phases, and culminating in the production and distribution of electricity to the regional network.

Commencing the process, water from designated rivers is directed into the high-level reservoir via the opening of dam gates during daylight hours, with closure occurring at night. Subsequently, the water is conveyed through a pipeline to the power station, where it facilitates continuous electrical production during daytime hours. Conversely, during nighttime hours, the water is redirected back into the conduit.

The process advances with the flow of water activating reversible turbines upon reaching the low-level reservoir during the day, followed by its return to the high-level reservoir during the night. Once operational, these reversible turbines facilitate electricity generation, subsequently channeling it into the national grid.