The diagram below shows how one type of coal is used to produce electricity

The drawing given illustrates the process by which coal is utilized to generate electricity.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the process involves essentially seven steps, commencing with coal being mined and culminating with the distribution of electricity.

At the first stage of the process, the coal is extracted from the coal mine. After that, it was taken to a crusher where it is crushed into a powder form and transported by vehicles into the gasifier. In the gasifier, gas is produced and sent to a cooler, where it is cooled and separated from waste heat. Next, the gas is transferred to the cleaning for further processing. At the following stage, it was sent to the gas power plant, where electricity was produced along with the removal of further waste from the plant. To wrap up the process, the electricity, after being generated carefully, is delivered to homes and industries for use.

Overall, it can be seen that the process of making electricity from coal is a long and complex process involving many steps.

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Errors and Improvements:

"From an overall perspective" -> "From a holistic perspective"
Explanation: "From a holistic perspective" sounds more sophisticated and precise, conveying a comprehensive view of the process.
"it is evident that the process involves essentially seven steps" -> "it is evident that the process comprises seven essential steps"
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal and precise verb choice to describe the components of a process, and "essential" adds clarity by specifying the importance of these steps.
"commencing with coal being mined" -> "beginning with the extraction of coal"
Explanation: "Beginning with the extraction of coal" is a clearer and more active way to describe the initial step in the process.
"culminating with the distribution of electricity" -> "culminating in the distribution of electricity"
Explanation: "Culminating in" is the correct preposition to use with "culminating," as it indicates the final result or conclusion of a process.
"At the first stage of the process" -> "In the initial stage of the process"
Explanation: "In the initial stage of the process" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the first step in the process.
"After that, it was taken to a crusher where it is crushed" -> "Subsequently, it is transported to a crusher where it is crushed"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal and concise transition than "After that," and using the passive voice ("it is transported," "it is crushed") maintains objectivity and clarity.
"into a powder form" -> "into powder form"
Explanation: "Powder form" is a more concise way to describe the state of the coal after being crushed.
"In the gasifier, gas is produced" -> "The gasifier generates gas"
Explanation: Using the active voice ("The gasifier generates gas") makes the sentence more direct and engaging.
"where it is cooled and separated from waste heat" -> "where it is cooled and waste heat is separated"
Explanation: This change clarifies that the waste heat is being separated from the gas, not the cooling process itself.
"Next, the gas is transferred to the cleaning for further processing." -> "Next, the gas is transferred to the cleaning process for further purification."
Explanation: "Cleaning process" is a more specific term for the step where the gas is purified, and "purification" is a more formal term than "processing."
"At the following stage, it was sent to the gas power plant" -> "In the subsequent stage, it is sent to the gas power plant"
Explanation: "In the subsequent stage" is a more formal and concise way to introduce the next step in the process, and using the passive voice ("it is sent") maintains objectivity.
"where electricity was produced along with the removal of further waste from the plant" -> "where electricity is generated and additional waste is removed"
Explanation: Using the present tense ("electricity is generated") maintains consistency and clarity, and specifying "additional waste" clarifies that waste removal continues in this step.
"To wrap up the process" -> "Finally, to complete the process"
Explanation: "Finally, to complete the process" is a more formal and concise way to introduce the final step in the process.
"is delivered to homes and industries for use" -> "is distributed to residential and industrial sectors for consumption"
Explanation: "Distributed" is a more precise term for the delivery of electricity, and "residential and industrial sectors" specifies the recipients more clearly than "homes and industries."
"Overall, it can be seen that the process of making electricity from coal is a long and complex process involving many steps." -> "Overall, it is evident that the process of coal-to-electricity conversion is intricate and multi-faceted."
Explanation: "Coal-to-electricity conversion" is a more concise and specific term for the process, and "intricate and multi-faceted" conveys a more nuanced understanding of its complexity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the process of generating electricity from coal. It covers the main stages involved in the process, such as coal extraction, crushing, gas production, electricity generation, and distribution. Key features of the process are highlighted, though some details could be more fully extended to provide a clearer understanding.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific details about each stage of the process, such as quantities involved, equipment used, or environmental considerations. Additionally, enhancing the clarity and coherence of the explanation would further strengthen the response. Consider organizing the information in a more structured manner to enhance readability and comprehension. Ensure that all information provided directly relates to the process of generating electricity from coal.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates clear coherence and cohesion throughout. There is a logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the process, from coal extraction to electricity distribution. The use of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("commencing with," "after that," "next," "to wrap up"), aids in connecting the stages of the process smoothly. Additionally, the essay maintains a clear central topic within each paragraph, effectively organizing the information.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that the relationship between ideas within and between sentences is consistently clear. Avoid any potential overuse or underuse of cohesive devices, striving for a balanced and natural flow of information. Additionally, continue to refine paragraphing to ensure logical sequencing and coherence at both the micro and macro levels of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the steps involved in coal-based electricity production using varied terminology such as "extracted," "crushed," "gasifier," "distribution," etc. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "gasifier," which adds depth to the lexical resource. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as "gas is transferred to the cleaning for further processing," where "cleaning" should likely be replaced with a more specific term like "gas cleaning unit." Additionally, the use of "it was" instead of "it is" in several instances affects clarity and precision.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary throughout the essay. Avoid repetitive phrases like "it was" and strive for more fluid and accurate expression. Consider using specific terminology related to electricity production processes to enhance clarity and precision. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and consistency in verb tense usage would also enhance the overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with a generally coherent description of the process. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses ("was taken," "was sent"), which impact the accuracy of the text. Additionally, some awkward phrases ("the cleaning for further processing") and redundancies ("is delivered to homes and industries for use") can affect clarity. Despite these issues, the majority of the sentences still effectively communicate the intended meaning without significant distortion.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, you could:

Correct verb tense errors to ensure consistency and accuracy in time reference.
Vary sentence structures more to avoid repetitive patterns and improve the overall readability.
Use more precise vocabulary and avoid redundant expressions to maintain clarity.
Carefully proofread to catch and correct minor errors before final submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram delineates the sequence of actions involved in harnessing coal to generate electricity.

Broadly, the process encompasses seven distinct stages, commencing with the extraction of coal from mines and culminating in the distribution of electricity.

Initially, coal is excavated from mines. Subsequently, it undergoes crushing into powder form at a crusher before being conveyed by vehicles to the gasifier. Within the gasifier, coal undergoes a transformation into gas, which is then channeled to a cooler for the removal of waste heat and subsequent separation. The resultant gas proceeds to a cleaning facility for further refinement. Following this, it is directed to a gas power plant where electricity generation occurs concurrently with the extraction of additional waste from the plant. Finally, the electricity generated is meticulously distributed to residences and industries for consumption.

In summary, the process of converting coal into electricity entails a multifaceted sequence of steps.