The diagram below shows how one type of coal is used to produce electricity.

The process gives information on how to use a certain type of coal to make power. When you look at the graph as a whole, you can see that there are 11 steps, starting with getting coal from the mine and ending with spreading energy to the buildings.
First, coal is taken out of the pits and broken up into smaller pieces using a certain tool. The coal pellets are crushed and then sent to a gasifier, which heats them up and turns them into gas. When the gas cools down, some of it is used as waste heat, and the rest is sent through a machine that cleans.
After the gas is cleaned, it is sent to a gas power plant to be used as fuel. Because of this process, waste heat is made. The process is finished when the electricity is sent through power lines to homes and businesses to meet their energy need

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"The process gives information on" -> "The process outlines"
Explanation: Replacing "gives information on" with "outlines" maintains clarity while using a more concise and formal verb choice.
"When you look at the graph as a whole" -> "Upon reviewing the graph comprehensively"
Explanation: "When you look at" is colloquial; "Upon reviewing" is more formal and precise. "As a whole" is replaced with "comprehensively" to convey a deeper examination.
"getting coal from the mine" -> "extracting coal from the mine"
Explanation: "Getting" is a simplistic verb choice. "Extracting" is more precise and formal, fitting for a technical context like coal mining.
"broken up into smaller pieces" -> "crushed into smaller particles"
Explanation: "Broken up" is informal. "Crushed into smaller particles" is more precise and formal, suitable for technical descriptions.
"using a certain tool" -> "utilizing specialized equipment"
Explanation: "Certain tool" lacks specificity. "Utilizing specialized equipment" conveys a more technical and formal tone.
"The coal pellets are crushed" -> "The coal pellets undergo crushing"
Explanation: "Are crushed" is passive. "Undergo crushing" is more active and precise, appropriate for technical descriptions.
"sent to a gasifier" -> "transferred to a gasifier"
Explanation: "Sent to" is common but less formal. "Transferred to" is more formal and precise, especially for technical processes.
"When the gas cools down" -> "Upon cooling of the gas"
Explanation: "When" is colloquial. "Upon cooling of the gas" is more formal and precise, fitting for technical descriptions.
"some of it is used as waste heat" -> "a portion of it is utilized as waste heat"
Explanation: "Some of it" is vague. "A portion of it" is more precise. "Utilized" is a more formal synonym for "used."
"spread through power lines" -> "transmitted via power lines"
Explanation: "Spread through" is informal. "Transmitted via" is a more precise and formal term for describing the distribution of electricity.
"to meet their energy need" -> "to meet their energy requirements"
Explanation: "Need" is more colloquial. "Requirements" is more formal and appropriate for technical contexts.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by outlining the process of using coal to produce electricity. It presents an overview of the steps involved, from coal extraction to electricity distribution. Key features of the process, such as crushing coal pellets, gasification, waste heat utilization, and electricity transmission, are highlighted. However, the details provided could be more specific and relevant, and some aspects may lack clarity.
How to improve: To improve, provide more specific details about each step of the process, including quantities, temperatures, and equipment used. Ensure that all information presented directly relates to the process of coal utilization for electricity production. Additionally, enhance clarity by organizing the information in a more structured manner, perhaps using bullet points to clearly delineate each step.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay presents a coherent arrangement of ideas related to the process of using coal to produce electricity. However, the progression from one idea to the next can sometimes feel mechanical due to the somewhat basic use of cohesive devices. While the essay attempts to link stages of the process using terms like "First," "then," and "after," these transitions can be abrupt or unclear, impacting the smooth flow of information.

The essay uses paragraphing, yet the organization within paragraphs could be enhanced for clearer progression and cohesion. There is an attempt to reference steps using phrases such as "when the gas cools down," but these references are not always clear or effectively used to strengthen cohesion between sentences and ideas. The information is generally logically arranged but could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to better link the steps described in the process.

How to Improve:
To improve towards a higher band score, consider employing a wider range of cohesive devices that help to weave ideas together more seamlessly. For instance, using synonyms or pronouns to avoid repetition of terms like "coal" or "process" could enhance readability and cohesion. Additionally, improving the logical flow between steps by adding transitional phrases that indicate sequence (such as "subsequently," "following this," or "finally") would strengthen the cohesion within the text.

Further, refining paragraph structure to ensure each one centers around a clear main idea will help maintain a focused and coherent discussion throughout the essay. This can be achieved by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on this point in detail, thereby ensuring a clear central topic within each paragraph.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It adequately describes the process of coal utilization for electricity generation but lacks variety and sophistication in lexical choices. The essay relies heavily on basic vocabulary and repetitive phrases, such as "coal," "power," and "gas." Additionally, some errors in word formation and spelling are noticeable, such as "pellets" instead of "pieces," and "to make power" instead of "to produce electricity."

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should incorporate a broader range of vocabulary, especially more technical terms related to energy production. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can also add richness to the essay. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors is necessary to improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex sentences. However, there are limitations in the range of structures used. While some complex structures are attempted, such as the use of subordinate clauses ("When the gas cools down, some of it is used as waste heat"), they tend to be less accurate than simpler sentences.

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as issues with subject-verb agreement ("The coal pellets are crushed and then sent to a gasifier, which heats them up and turns them into gas"), missing articles ("the gasifier" instead of "a gasifier"), and awkward phrasing ("to make power" would be more commonly expressed as "to generate electricity"). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas in some places and unnecessary commas in others.

Overall, while the essay attempts to convey the process described in the prompt, the limitations in the range of sentence structures and the frequency of grammatical errors contribute to a Band 5 score.

How to improve:

Expand the range of sentence structures used, incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence forms.
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy, particularly in areas such as subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Review and revise the essay for punctuation errors, ensuring consistency and correctness throughout.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the stages involved in utilizing a specific type of coal to generate electricity. Overall, the process consists of 11 steps, beginning with coal extraction and culminating in the distribution of energy to various buildings.

Initially, coal is extracted from mines and subsequently broken down into smaller fragments using specialized equipment. These coal pellets undergo a crushing process before being directed to a gasifier, where they are heated to produce gas. Upon cooling, a portion of the gas is utilized as waste heat, while the remainder is subjected to a purification process.

Following purification, the gas is conveyed to a gas power plant for use as fuel. This process results in the generation of waste heat. Ultimately, the electricity generated is transmitted through power lines to fulfill the energy requirements of homes and businesses.