the diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now

The maps compare a central library 20 years ago and now after the developments were carried out

Overall, it is clear that almost all sectors in the library were demolished to make way for the construction of other new sectors. Noticeably, the sitting area in the middle of the library had been removed

In the left of the entrance, reading room, which. contained newspapers and magazines 20 years ago, was replaced with a modern computer room. Besides, in the right side of the entrance, a new cafe was set up at the expense of the previous enquiry desk. Aldult fiction books sector was moved to the opposite side while its previous location is now all reference books sector. Moreover, new facilities such as: information desk and self-machines were recently developed to serve the customers' needs.

In the northwest corner of the library, the area for CDs, videos, computer games was reconstructed to make a whole new children's fiction books secto, comprising of 2 sofas as well as becoming a place for storytelling events.In the opposite corner, the children's books sector was changed to create a lecture room

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a central library 20 years ago and now after the developments were carried out" -> "a central library 20 years ago and now after the developments were implemented"
Explanation: Replacing "carried out" with "implemented" provides a more precise term that is commonly used in formal and academic contexts to describe the execution of plans or projects.
"almost all sectors in the library were demolished" -> "almost all areas of the library were renovated"
Explanation: "Renovated" is more accurate than "demolished" as it implies a transformation or improvement of existing structures rather than complete destruction.
"Noticeably, the sitting area in the middle of the library had been removed" -> "Notably, the seating area in the center of the library was removed"
Explanation: "Notably" is a more formal adverb than "Noticeably," and "seating area" is a more precise term than "sitting area." Additionally, "center" is more formal than "middle."
"reading room, which. contained newspapers and magazines" -> "reading room, which previously contained newspapers and magazines"
Explanation: Adding "previously" clarifies the time frame, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"was replaced with a modern computer room" -> "was replaced by a modern computer room"
Explanation: "By" is more grammatically correct than "with" in this context, indicating replacement rather than association.
"a new cafe was set up at the expense of the previous enquiry desk" -> "a new café was established at the expense of the former enquiry desk"
Explanation: "Established" is more formal than "set up," and "former" is more precise than "previous" in this context.
"Aldult fiction books sector" -> "Adult fiction book sector"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "Aldult" to "Adult" and "books" to "book" to agree with the singular noun "sector."
"its previous location is now all reference books sector" -> "its former location is now the reference books sector"
Explanation: "Former" is more formal than "previous," and the article "the" is necessary before "reference books sector" to clarify that it is a specific sector.
"new facilities such as: information desk and self-machines" -> "new facilities such as the information desk and self-service machines"
Explanation: "Self-service machines" is a more precise term than "self-machines," and "the" is added before "information desk" for grammatical correctness.
"to serve the customers’ needs" -> "to meet the customers’ needs"
Explanation: "Meet" is a more formal synonym for "serve" in this context, fitting the academic style better.
"reconstructed to make a whole new children’s fiction books secto" -> "reconstructed to create a new children’s fiction book section"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "secto" to "section" and changes "make" to "create" for a more formal tone.
"comprising of 2 sofas" -> "featuring two sofas"
Explanation: "Featuring" is more formal and precise than "comprising of," which is grammatically incorrect in this context.
"becoming a place for storytelling events" -> "now serving as a venue for storytelling events"
Explanation: "Serving as a venue" is more formal and precise than "becoming a place," which is vague and less formal.
"the children’s books sector was changed to create a lecture room" -> "the children’s book section was converted into a lecture room"
Explanation: "Converted into" is a more precise verb phrase than "changed to," and "book section" is grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the library, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences between the two floor plans. The essay also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the removal of the tables and chairs in the middle of the library.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends or differences between the two floor plans. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention the removal of the tables and chairs in the middle of the library. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes that have been made to the library. For example, the essay could mention the specific types of computers that are now available in the computer room.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes made to the library, the structure is somewhat disjointed, and the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, but they are often inadequate or inaccurately applied, leading to confusion. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some sentences could be better grouped to enhance clarity.

How to improve:

Enhance Logical Flow: Organize the information in a more logical sequence. For instance, start with a general overview of the changes before detailing specific areas.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Improve the use of cohesive devices to link ideas more clearly. For example, using phrases like "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Conversely" can help clarify relationships between different parts of the text.
Clarify Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that related ideas are grouped together. This will help improve coherence and make the essay easier to follow.
Avoid Repetition: Work on reducing redundancy in phrasing and ideas to maintain reader engagement and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the library, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "Aldult" instead of "Adult," "secto" instead of "sector") and word formation (e.g., "self-machines" instead of "self-service machines"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay lacks the use of less common lexical items and shows limited control over word choice and collocation. Overall, while the message is communicated, the lexical resource is insufficient to achieve a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common and more precise terms related to library features and functions. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and word formation is crucial. The use of synonyms and varied sentence structures can also help to avoid repetition and improve fluency. Finally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions relevant to the topic can elevate the overall quality of the vocabulary used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect article usage ("the left of the entrance" should be "to the left of the entrance"), and punctuation issues, particularly with the use of commas and periods. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While the overall message is communicated, the inaccuracies detract from the clarity and fluency of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are grammatically correct.
Punctuation: Review the rules of punctuation to ensure proper use of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks to improve clarity.
Grammar Review: Conduct a thorough review of common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, to reduce mistakes.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for any grammatical or punctuation errors before submission, as this can help catch and correct mistakes that may have been overlooked.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps compare a central library 20 years ago and its current layout after recent developments.

Overall, it is clear that almost all sectors in the library were demolished to make way for the construction of new areas. Notably, the sitting area in the middle of the library has been removed.

To the left of the entrance, the reading room, which contained newspapers and magazines 20 years ago, has been replaced with a modern computer room. Additionally, on the right side of the entrance, a new café was established at the expense of the previous enquiry desk. The adult fiction books sector was relocated to the opposite side, while its former location is now occupied by the reference books sector. Moreover, new facilities such as an information desk and self-service machines have been developed to meet customers’ needs.

In the northwest corner of the library, the area for CDs, videos, and computer games was reconstructed to create a new children’s fiction books sector, which includes two sofas and serves as a venue for storytelling events. In the opposite corner, the children’s books sector was transformed into a lecture room.