the diagram below shows the floor plan of the public library 20 years ago and how it looks now

The aforementioned maps depict the development of the public library’s planned layout over the last two decades.
Generally, the construction of the library has seen a significant transformation throughout the period. There has been a huge transaction in the main hall, making it more accessible to the public, and the rooms have changed due to their new purpose of use.
Twenty years ago, the main hall had a table and chairs used for reading books in the middle, to the two sides were the bookshelves made the adults interested in fiction and non-fiction books. However, over the span of 20 years, the hall has been made more accessible to the public, including the construction of the information desk and self-service machines on the right side along with fiction books for adults. All reference books have been installed on the left of the hall while the tables and chairs have been removed from the middle of the room.
In the past 2 decades, on the top two corners were the rooms for entertainment and children’s books constructed, which witnessed considerable changes through the span. The video games room has transformed into the children’s fiction books room where sofas and storytelling events are held while the other room is now the lecture room for the public. The rest of the library also underwent some development; the reading room is now the computer room and the café has replaced the old enquiry desk.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The aforementioned maps" -> "The maps depicted"
Explanation: "The aforementioned" is somewhat formal but can be simplified to "The" for a more direct and clear reference, aligning better with academic style.
"huge transaction" -> "significant changes"
Explanation: "Huge transaction" is incorrect and unclear. "Significant changes" is the correct term to describe the alterations in the library’s layout.
"making it more accessible to the public" -> "enhancing public accessibility"
Explanation: "Enhancing public accessibility" is more precise and formal, focusing directly on the improvement in accessibility rather than the process.
"the rooms have changed due to their new purpose of use" -> "the rooms have been repurposed"
Explanation: "Been repurposed" is a more concise and academically appropriate term that directly indicates the change in function.
"to the two sides were the bookshelves made the adults interested in fiction and non-fiction books" -> "on both sides, bookshelves were arranged to cater to adult readers of fiction and non-fiction"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and purpose of the bookshelves, improving readability and formality.
"over the span of 20 years" -> "over the past 20 years"
Explanation: "Over the past 20 years" is a more standard and formal way to express the time period.
"the construction of the information desk and self-service machines on the right side along with fiction books for adults" -> "the installation of an information desk and self-service machines on the right side, alongside fiction books for adults"
Explanation: "Installation" is more precise than "construction" for describing the placement of these items, and "alongside" is more formal than "along with."
"All reference books have been installed on the left of the hall" -> "All reference materials have been relocated to the left side of the hall"
Explanation: "Relocated" is more specific than "installed" for describing the movement of books, and "materials" is a broader term that encompasses books and other resources.
"the tables and chairs have been removed from the middle of the room" -> "the seating has been removed from the central area"
Explanation: "Seating" is a more formal term than "tables and chairs," and "central area" is a more precise description than "middle of the room."
"on the top two corners were the rooms for entertainment and children’s books constructed" -> "the upper corners housed rooms for entertainment and children’s literature"
Explanation: "Housed" is more formal than "constructed," and "children’s literature" is a more academic term than "children’s books."
"which witnessed considerable changes through the span" -> "which underwent significant transformations over the period"
Explanation: "Underwent significant transformations" is more formal and precise than "witnessed considerable changes," and "over the period" is a clearer temporal reference than "through the span."
"The video games room has transformed into the children’s fiction books room" -> "The video games room has been converted into a children’s fiction section"
Explanation: "Been converted into a children’s fiction section" is more specific and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "room" and "books."
"sofas and storytelling events are held" -> "sofas and storytelling sessions are conducted"
Explanation: "Conducted" is more formal than "held," and "sessions" is a more precise term than "events" in this context.
"the other room is now the lecture room for the public" -> "the adjacent room has been converted into a public lecture space"
Explanation: "Adjacent room" is more precise, and "public lecture space" is a more formal and comprehensive term than "lecture room for the public."
"the reading room is now the computer room and the café has replaced the old enquiry desk" -> "the reading area has been repurposed as a computer space, and the café has replaced the former information desk"
Explanation: "Reading area" is a more specific term than "reading room," and "computer space" is more formal than "computer room." "Former information desk" is more precise than "old enquiry desk."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes in the library’s layout. It presents information appropriately selected, highlighting key features such as the transformation of the main hall and the changes in the rooms. However, the essay lacks clarity in some areas, with details being irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the statement "The video games room has transformed into the children’s fiction books room where sofas and storytelling events are held" is inaccurate, as the image shows that the storytelling events are held in a separate room.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the diagrams and providing more accurate information. The writer should also avoid using vague language and ensure that all details are relevant to the task. For example, instead of saying "The rest of the library also underwent some development," the writer could specify which areas underwent development and what those changes were.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the past layout of the library to its current state. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, such as "however" and "in the past 2 decades," which helps to connect ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some mechanical use of cohesion, particularly in the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. The paragraphing is present but lacks a clear logical structure at times, which affects the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. Additionally, organizing the information into clearer, more distinct paragraphs that each focus on a single aspect of the library’s transformation would strengthen the overall structure. Lastly, refining sentence construction to avoid awkward phrasing would improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "huge transaction" instead of "huge transformation," and "made the adults interested" which is awkwardly phrased. There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "enquiry desk" which is less common in this context compared to "information desk." These issues do not severely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, reviewing and correcting spelling and word formation errors will help improve clarity. Expanding the range of vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and more sophisticated phrases can also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms, which occasionally hinder clarity but do not completely obstruct communication. For example, phrases like "made the adults interested in fiction and non-fiction books" are awkwardly constructed and could be clearer.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of complex sentence structures, ensuring that they are grammatically correct and clear.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review common grammatical rules and punctuation usage to minimize errors. Proofreading the essay for mistakes can help catch errors before submission.
Clarity and Conciseness: Aim for clearer expression of ideas. For instance, rephrasing awkward sentences can improve readability and coherence.
Variety in Vocabulary: Incorporate a broader range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely, which can also contribute to the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The aforementioned maps depict the development of the public library’s layout over the last two decades. Generally, the library has undergone a significant transformation during this period. There has been a substantial change in the main hall, making it more accessible to the public, and the rooms have been repurposed for new uses.

Twenty years ago, the main hall featured a table and chairs in the middle for reading books, with bookshelves on either side that catered to adults interested in fiction and non-fiction. However, over the span of 20 years, the hall has become more accessible, incorporating an information desk and self-service machines on the right side, along with fiction books for adults. All reference books have been relocated to the left side of the hall, while the tables and chairs have been removed from the center of the room.

In the past two decades, the top two corners housed rooms for entertainment and children’s books, which have undergone considerable changes. The video games room has been transformed into a children’s fiction room, where sofas and storytelling events are now held, while the other room has become a lecture room for the public. The rest of the library has also seen development; the reading room is now a computer room, and the café has replaced the old enquiry desk.