The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honeybee.

The picture illustrates life cycle process honeybee
Overview, there are 6 steps in the process. Beginning with female bees lay their egg and ending with It become the adult bees .
First, each egg was laid every 3 days by female bees after that these eggs will develop around 9 or 10 days to become baby bees. After 5 more days babe bee growing up to the first stage with a appearing stinger at the bottom of tail.
In the 5 stages of the process is the development of bees to the second stages. In this stage bees were added wings and increasing in size. The bees continue growing to young adult in 9 next days
In the last step bee completely become adult take only 4 days in their process life which was taken place around 34 to 36 days.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The picture illustrates life cycle process honeybee" -> "The illustration depicts the life cycle of honeybees"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise verb for describing visual representations, and "life cycle of honeybees" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Overview, there are 6 steps in the process." -> "The process consists of six stages."
Explanation: "Overview" is not typically used to introduce a numbered list. "Consists of" is a more precise and formal way to describe the composition of a process.
"Beginning with female bees lay their egg and ending with It become the adult bees." -> "Beginning with female bees laying their eggs and ending with them becoming adult bees."
Explanation: "Lay" should be "laying" to maintain verb tense consistency, and "It become" is grammatically incorrect; "them becoming" is the correct form.
"each egg was laid every 3 days by female bees" -> "each egg is laid every three days by female bees"
Explanation: "Is" should be used for the present continuous tense, and "three" should be numerically written to maintain formality.
"these eggs will develop around 9 or 10 days to become baby bees." -> "these eggs develop within 9-10 days to become baby bees."
Explanation: "Will develop" is unnecessary and less formal; "develop within" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context.
"babe bee growing up to the first stage with a appearing stinger at the bottom of tail." -> "the babe bee grows to the first stage, characterized by the emergence of a stinger at the end of the tail."
Explanation: "Growing up" is informal and vague; "grows" is more precise. Also, "appearing stinger" is awkward; "emergence of a stinger" is clearer and more formal.
"In the 5 stages of the process is the development of bees to the second stages." -> "The five stages of this process involve the development of bees into the second stage."
Explanation: "In the 5 stages of the process is" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Involve the development of bees into the second stage" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"bees were added wings and increasing in size." -> "bees acquire wings and increase in size."
Explanation: "Were added wings" is incorrect; "acquire wings" is the correct verb form. "Increasing" should be "increase" for subject-verb agreement.
"The bees continue growing to young adult in 9 next days" -> "The bees continue growing to become young adults over the next nine days"
Explanation: "To young adult" is grammatically incorrect; "to become young adults" is correct. "Nine" should be written numerically for formality.
"bee completely become adult take only 4 days in their process life which was taken place around 34 to 36 days." -> "the bees become fully adult in just four days, a process that takes approximately 34 to 36 days."
Explanation: "Completely become adult" is awkward and incorrect; "become fully adult" is more natural. "Take only 4 days" is incorrect; "takes approximately 34 to 36 days" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the life cycle of the honeybee. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clear overview of the life cycle of the honeybee. The essay should also focus on the key features of the life cycle, rather than on details. The essay should be written in a more formal and academic style. The essay should also be more concise and to the point. The essay should be organized in a logical way, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The essay should also use correct grammar and punctuation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the life cycle of a honeybee, but it lacks coherent organization and clear progression. The ideas are not arranged logically, and there is no clear structure to guide the reader through the stages of the life cycle. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, as it does not effectively separate different stages of the life cycle, which further detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information in a logical sequence, clearly delineating each stage of the honeybee’s life cycle into separate paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will improve clarity and readability. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will strengthen the overall presentation of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, primarily using basic terms related to the life cycle of honeybees. There are several instances of repetitive language and inappropriate word choices, such as "babe bee" instead of "baby bee" and "added wings" instead of "developed wings." The control of word formation is weak, with errors like "It become" instead of "it becomes" and "was laid every 3 days" instead of "are laid every 3 days." These errors cause strain for the reader and impede clear communication of the process.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary, including more precise and contextually appropriate terms. Additionally, practicing correct verb forms and sentence structures would help improve clarity. Incorporating less common vocabulary related to the topic and ensuring accurate spelling and word formation would also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. There are several grammatical errors present, such as incorrect verb forms ("was laid" should be "are laid," "babe bee" should be "baby bee," "were added" should be "add"), and issues with sentence structure that hinder clarity ("In the 5 stages of the process is the development of bees to the second stages"). Punctuation is often faulty, and the overall coherence of the text is affected by these errors, making it difficult for the reader to follow the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct verb forms and punctuation errors is essential. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence, as well as expanding vocabulary, will also contribute to better grammatical performance in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The picture illustrates the life cycle process of the honeybee. Overall, there are six steps in this process, beginning with female bees laying their eggs and ending with the emergence of adult bees.

First, each egg is laid every three days by female bees. After that, these eggs will develop for around 9 to 10 days to become baby bees. After an additional five days, the baby bees grow to the first stage, developing a stinger at the bottom of their tails.

In the fifth stage of the process, the bees undergo development into the second stage. In this stage, the bees grow wings and increase in size. The bees continue to grow into young adults over the next nine days.

In the final step, the bees completely become adults, taking only four days in this life process, which occurs over a total of approximately 34 to 36 days.