The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The images depict the manufacturing process of bricks used in industrial construction.
The process typically involves eight distinct steps, divided into two primary stages: forming the bricks and controlling temperature variations.
The initial stage involves the accumulation of clay. Diggers are employed to extract clay from the designated site. Afterwards, metal grids and large stones are removed from the collected clay. before placing the purified material in the roller. The clay is subsequently combined with sand and water. There are two major ways to shape bricks, both of which use the mixture in the previous step. Bricks may be molded into the desired shape or formed into long bars before being cut using a wire cutter.
The bricks are then placed in a drying oven for 24 to 48 hours. Subsequently, they are transferred to the kiln at a moderate temperature of 200 to 980°C. The temperature then increases significantly, ranging from 870 to 1300°C. The bricks are then cooled for 48-72 hours before being packaged and prepared for delivery.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The images depict" -> "The photographs illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a more precise term than "depict" in this context, as it specifically suggests that the images are used to explain or demonstrate the process, which aligns better with the academic tone of the essay.
"used in industrial construction" -> "employed in industrial construction"
Explanation: "Employed" is more formal and precise than "used," which sounds slightly informal and vague in this context.
"divided into two primary stages" -> "comprising two primary stages"
Explanation: "Comprising" is a more formal and precise term than "divided into," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe the organization of processes or components.
"accumulation of clay" -> "collection of clay"
Explanation: "Collection" is a more specific term than "accumulation" in this context, as it directly implies gathering or bringing together, which is more accurate for describing the process of gathering clay.
"Diggers are employed to extract" -> "excavation equipment is used to extract"
Explanation: "Excavation equipment" is a more specific and technical term than "diggers," which is too informal and vague. "Used" is also more appropriate than "employed" in this context.
"metal grids and large stones" -> "metal grids and large rocks"
Explanation: "Rocks" is a more precise term than "stones," which is too general and informal for academic writing.
"before placing the purified material in the roller" -> "prior to placing the purified material in the roller"
Explanation: "Prior to" is a more formal temporal indicator than "before," which is suitable for academic writing.
"The clay is subsequently combined with sand and water." -> "The clay is subsequently mixed with sand and water."
Explanation: "Mixed" is more precise than "combined" in this context, as it specifically implies blending or combining substances in a particular order or ratio.
"Bricks may be molded into the desired shape or formed into long bars" -> "Bricks can be molded into the desired shape or formed into long bars"
Explanation: "Can be" is more formal and less definitive than "may be," which is more speculative and less precise.
"cut using a wire cutter" -> "cut using a wire cutter."
Explanation: Adding a period after "cutter" corrects the punctuation, aligning with formal writing standards.
"placed in a drying oven for 24 to 48 hours" -> "placed in a drying oven for a period of 24 to 48 hours"
Explanation: "A period of" is more formal and precise than "for," which is too informal and vague in this context.
"Subsequently, they are transferred to the kiln at a moderate temperature of 200 to 980°C." -> "Subsequently, they are transferred to the kiln at temperatures ranging from 200 to 980°C."
Explanation: "Ranging from" is more precise and formal than "at a moderate temperature of," which is vague and less specific.
"The temperature then increases significantly, ranging from 870 to 1300°C." -> "The temperature subsequently increases significantly, ranging from 870 to 1300°C."
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal and appropriate for describing the sequence of events in an academic text.
"The bricks are then cooled for 48-72 hours" -> "The bricks are then cooled for a period of 48-72 hours"
Explanation: "A period of" is more formal and precise than "for," which is too informal for this context.
"before being packaged and prepared for delivery" -> "before being packaged and prepared for shipment"
Explanation: "Shipment" is a more formal term than "delivery," which is slightly informal and less specific in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the process, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay could have compared the two methods of shaping bricks.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making comparisons between the two methods of shaping bricks. The essay could also be improved by providing more detail about the process, such as the specific types of clay used or the specific temperatures used in the kiln.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the description of the brick manufacturing process. Each step is clearly delineated, and there is a coherent flow from one stage to the next. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are moments where the connection between ideas could be more fluid or varied. The paragraphs are structured to present a clear central topic, but there is some room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall cohesion of the text.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to avoid any mechanical or repetitive patterns. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next would enhance the overall coherence. More explicit referencing to previous ideas could also strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Finally, refining the paragraph structure to ensure that each one focuses on a single aspect of the process would improve clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing the brick manufacturing process. It uses terms such as "accumulation," "purified material," "molded," and "drying oven," which are appropriate for the context. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "before placing the purified material in the roller," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some errors in punctuation and sentence structure that detract from the overall clarity, such as the missing capitalization in "before placing" and the awkward phrasing in "the temperature then increases significantly." While the vocabulary used is adequate, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of less common vocabulary and ensure precise word choices. Additionally, focusing on sentence structure and punctuation will improve clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence lengths can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation will help to minimize inaccuracies that can impact the overall impression of lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces a number of error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, although there are a few grammatical errors present, such as the incorrect use of "before" at the beginning of a sentence and a missing conjunction in "the purified material in the roller." These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but they indicate that the essay does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on reducing grammatical errors and ensuring that all sentences are correctly structured. This could involve proofreading for minor mistakes and practicing more complex sentence forms to enhance grammatical range. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and structures could further demonstrate flexibility and accuracy in grammar.

Bài sửa mẫu

The images depict the manufacturing process of bricks used in the building industry. The process typically involves eight distinct steps, divided into two primary stages: forming the bricks and controlling temperature variations.

The initial stage involves the accumulation of clay. Diggers are employed to extract clay from the designated site. Afterward, metal grids and large stones are removed from the collected clay before placing the purified material in the roller. The clay is subsequently combined with sand and water. There are two major methods to shape the bricks, both of which utilize the mixture from the previous step. Bricks may be molded into the desired shape or formed into long bars before being cut using a wire cutter.

The bricks are then placed in a drying oven for 24 to 48 hours. Subsequently, they are transferred to the kiln at a moderate temperature of 200 to 980°C. The temperature then increases significantly, ranging from 870 to 1300°C. Finally, the bricks are cooled for 48 to 72 hours before being packaged and prepared for delivery.