The diagram below shows the process of growing and preparing pineapples and pineapple products. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the process of growing and preparing pineapples and pineapple products.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the culminating of pineapples and how it use to produce beverages, canned fruit and exports.

Overall, the process involves two main stages, includes the harvesting of pineapples and the production of it.

In the first stage of the process, pineapples are grown in a field with there crown space 26cm apart under the the weather ranging from 23 to 30 degree Celsius. After aa period of 7 months, these pineapples are sprayed ethylene and have to wait for the next 5 years until it reached 30cm in height and 2kg in weight.

The process proceeds with the production of pineapples to produce three distinct products. Those harvested pineapples are then washed to cleaned all the impurities and dirt. Once this purify process has done, pineapples are categorized due its size with the small and medium are cut down the crowns and peeled the skin. While the former are put into an extractor to produce pineapples juice, the latter are sliced into a ring shapes or cut into a small chunks and canned. The largest pineapples on the other hand, are coated by was and stored into crates, ready to shipped overseas.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"culminating of pineapples" -> "cultivation of pineapples"
Explanation: "Culminating" is incorrectly used here, as it refers to the culmination or climax of something, not the process of growing. "Cultivation" is the correct term for the process of growing plants, making it a precise and appropriate choice for academic writing.
"how it use to produce" -> "how it is used to produce"
Explanation: "Use" should be "used" to maintain grammatical correctness, and the phrase should be restructured to "how it is used to produce" to correctly express the purpose of the process.
"includes the harvesting of it" -> "includes harvesting"
Explanation: The pronoun "it" is unnecessary and redundant when referring to the process of harvesting. Simplifying to "includes harvesting" improves clarity and avoids redundancy.
"there crown space 26cm apart" -> "with a spacing of 26cm between the crowns"
Explanation: "There crown space" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised phrase clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"under the the weather" -> "under the weather conditions"
Explanation: The repeated "the" is an error. "Under the weather conditions" is the correct phrase for describing environmental conditions.
"After aa period of 7 months" -> "After a period of 7 months"
Explanation: "Aa" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "a" fixes the spelling mistake.
"have to wait for the next 5 years" -> "must wait for five years"
Explanation: "Have to" is somewhat informal and vague; "must" is more precise and formal. Also, "five" should not be written as "5" in formal writing.
"until it reached 30cm in height and 2kg in weight" -> "until it reaches 30cm in height and 2 kg in weight"
Explanation: "Reached" should be "reaches" to maintain the future tense consistency, and "kg" should be written as "kilograms" for clarity and formality.
"Those harvested pineapples are then washed to cleaned all the impurities and dirt." -> "The harvested pineapples are then washed to remove all impurities and dirt."
Explanation: "To cleaned" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "To remove" is the correct verb form, and the phrase is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"Once this purify process has done" -> "Once this purification process is complete"
Explanation: "Purify" is not the correct term here; "purification" is the noun form needed. Also, "has done" is incorrect; "is complete" is the correct expression.
"due its size" -> "according to its size"
Explanation: "Due" is incorrectly used here; "according to" is the correct preposition for indicating a basis for classification.
"cut down the crowns" -> "cut off the crowns"
Explanation: "Cut down" typically means to reduce something in size or height, which is not the intended meaning here. "Cut off" is more appropriate for removing the crowns.
"coated by was" -> "coated with wax"
Explanation: "Was" is a verb and does not fit in this context. "Wax" is the correct noun needed to describe the coating material.
"shipped overseas" -> "exported"
Explanation: "Shipped" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Exported" is the precise term for the formal description of goods being sent to another country.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and it does not adequately highlight the key features of the process. For example, the essay does not mention the use of ethylene to ripen the pineapples, and it does not mention the different sizes of pineapples that are used to produce different products.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process and by highlighting the key features of the process. The essay could also be improved by using more accurate and precise language. For example, the essay states that the pineapples are "sprayed ethylene," but the diagram shows that the pineapples are sprayed with ethylene gas. The essay could also be improved by using more appropriate vocabulary. For example, the essay states that the pineapples are "categorized due its size," but it would be more appropriate to say that the pineapples are "sorted by size."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the process of growing and preparing pineapples, the logical flow is disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to confusion in some areas. For example, phrases like "the former are put into an extractor" lack clarity, and the transition between stages is not smooth. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate the stages of the process.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between stages of the process. This can be achieved by using cohesive devices more effectively and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, addressing grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will help improve clarity. Finally, organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs for each stage of the process will enhance readability and overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of growing and preparing pineapples, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "culminating" instead of "cultivation," and "coated by was" instead of "coated with wax." These errors, along with issues in spelling and grammar, may cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay does not effectively convey precise meanings due to inaccuracies in word choice and a lack of variety in vocabulary.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and specific terms related to the topic. Additionally, practicing the correct usage of less common lexical items and ensuring accurate word forms would improve clarity. Paying attention to spelling and grammatical structures will also help in reducing errors that impede communication. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and synonyms can further elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("use" instead of "used"), incorrect prepositions ("due its size" instead of "due to their size"), and issues with punctuation and article usage. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the text, which aligns with the characteristics of Band 5.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate more complex sentence forms and ensure that they are used accurately. This can include using subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions.
Proofreading: Carefully check for common grammatical errors, particularly in verb tense, prepositions, and articles. Reading the essay aloud may help identify awkward phrases and errors.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on specific grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, to build confidence and accuracy in usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the cultivation of pineapples and how they are used to produce beverages, canned fruit, and exports.

Overall, the process involves two main stages: the harvesting of pineapples and their subsequent production.

In the first stage of the process, pineapples are grown in a field with their crowns spaced 26 cm apart, under weather conditions ranging from 23 to 30 degrees Celsius. After a period of 7 months, these pineapples are sprayed with ethylene and must wait for an additional 5 years until they reach 30 cm in height and 2 kg in weight.

The process then proceeds with the production of pineapples to create three distinct products. The harvested pineapples are first washed to remove all impurities and dirt. Once this purification process is complete, the pineapples are categorized by size, with the small and medium ones having their crowns cut off and their skins peeled. The smaller pineapples are then placed into an extractor to produce pineapple juice, while the medium ones are sliced into ring shapes or cut into small chunks and canned. The largest pineapples, on the other hand, are coated with wax and stored in crates, ready to be shipped overseas.