The diagram below shows the process of growing and preparing pineapples and pineapple products. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram delineates the intricate process of pineapple cultivation and subsequent product preparation, encompassing a multifaceted journey from initial planting to final export.
Overall, the process is bifurcated into two distinct phases: a meticulous year-long cultivation period and a diversified processing stage that yields three primary product categories.
The cultivation phase commences with the planting of a 26cm pineapple crown, which undergoes a meticulous 12-month maturation period. This comprises 7 months of natural growth followed by 5 months of ethaline exposure, culminating in a plant standing 30cm tall and weighing 2kg. Crucially, a consistent temperature range of 23-30°C is maintained throughout this period to ensure optimal development.
Post-harvest, the pineapples are strategically sorted into three distinct processing streams. The first involves minimal intervention, with whole fruits being waxed for preservation before export. The second stream focuses on producing sliced pineapple products, either fresh-packed or canned for extended shelf life. The third stream is dedicated to juice extraction, resulting in bottled or packaged pineapple juice.
Notably, the diagram illustrates the industry's commitment to resource efficiency, with various parts of the fruit being utilized across different product lines. This approach not only minimizes waste but also maximizes the economic value derived from each pineapple.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram delineates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic writing to describe the depiction of a process or system, making it more suitable for formal contexts.
"encompassing a multifaceted journey" -> "comprising a complex process"
Explanation: "Comprising a complex process" is more specific and academically appropriate, as it accurately describes the detailed steps involved in the pineapple cultivation and product preparation process.
"meticulous year-long cultivation period" -> "carefully managed 12-month cultivation period"
Explanation: "Carefully managed" is a more precise term that conveys the deliberate and controlled nature of the cultivation process, enhancing the academic tone.
"a diversified processing stage" -> "a diverse processing stage"
Explanation: "Diverse" is more commonly used to describe a range of products or processes, making it a more natural choice in this context.
"culminating in a plant standing 30cm tall and weighing 2kg" -> "resulting in a plant reaching 30cm in height and weighing 2kg"
Explanation: "Reaching" is a more precise verb for describing the plant’s growth, and specifying "in height" clarifies the measurement.
"Crucially, a consistent temperature range of 23-30°C is maintained" -> "It is essential to maintain a consistent temperature range of 23-30°C"
Explanation: "It is essential to maintain" elevates the formality and emphasizes the importance of the temperature control, which is crucial for the process.
"Post-harvest, the pineapples are strategically sorted" -> "Following harvesting, the pineapples are strategically sorted"
Explanation: "Following harvesting" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the action of harvesting, aligning better with academic style.
"whole fruits being waxed for preservation" -> "whole fruits are waxed for preservation"
Explanation: Removing "being" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"either fresh-packed or canned for extended shelf life" -> "either fresh-packed or canned for longer shelf life"
Explanation: "Longer shelf life" is a more precise and formal term than "extended shelf life," which is somewhat redundant.
"Notably, the diagram illustrates the industry’s commitment to resource efficiency" -> "Notably, the diagram demonstrates the industry’s commitment to resource efficiency"
Explanation: "Demonstrates" is a more academically appropriate verb than "illustrates" in this context, as it directly implies showing or proving something through evidence or data.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main stages of the process, including the cultivation phase and the processing phase. It also highlights key features, such as the use of ethaline and the different processing methods. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detail about the specific stages of the process. For example, the essay could provide more information about the different types of pineapple products that are produced.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail about the specific stages of the process. For example, the essay could provide more information about the different types of pineapple products that are produced. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific examples of how the process is efficient. For example, the essay could mention that the pineapple leaves are used to make compost.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical sequence of information and ideas, effectively managing cohesion throughout the text. The introduction clearly outlines the two main phases of the process, while each subsequent paragraph presents a distinct aspect of the cultivation and processing stages. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate and varied, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is sufficient and appropriate, with each paragraph focusing on a specific topic related to the process described.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could enhance the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices used, ensuring that they do not draw attention to themselves. Additionally, further refinement in the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs could be beneficial, perhaps by integrating more transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. Finally, providing more explicit comparisons or contrasts between the different product streams could strengthen the overall coherence and depth of the analysis.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary, effectively conveying precise meanings related to the process of pineapple cultivation and product preparation. The use of terms such as "delineates," "meticulous," "bifurcated," and "resource efficiency" showcases a strong command of less common lexical items. While the vocabulary is generally used accurately, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for even greater precision, such as the phrase "culminating in a plant standing 30cm tall," which could be more clearly expressed. Overall, the essay is fluent and flexible, with only rare minor errors that do not impede understanding.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer could focus on enhancing the precision of word choice and ensuring that all lexical items are used in the most appropriate context. Additionally, incorporating a few more sophisticated synonyms or phrases could further elevate the lexical range. Lastly, minimizing any minor inaccuracies in collocation or word formation would help in reaching a Band 9 level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of grammatical structures and the majority of sentences are error-free. The writer effectively employs complex sentence forms, such as "This comprises 7 months of natural growth followed by 5 months of ethaline exposure," showcasing good control over grammar and punctuation. Although there are a few minor errors, they do not impede understanding. The use of varied vocabulary and sentence structures contributes to a clear and coherent presentation of the information.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer could focus on reducing the frequency of minor errors and enhancing the complexity of sentence structures even further. Incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions could also improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that all sentences maintain a high level of accuracy would help in reaching the criteria for Band 9.

Bài sửa mẫu

The cultivation phase commences with the planting of a 26 cm pineapple crown, which undergoes a careful 12-month maturation period. This comprises 7 months of natural growth followed by 5 months of ethylene exposure, culminating in a plant that stands 30 cm tall and weighs 2 kg. Crucially, a consistent temperature range of 23-30°C is maintained throughout this period to ensure optimal development.

Post-harvest, the pineapples are strategically sorted into three distinct processing streams. The first involves minimal intervention, with whole fruits being waxed for preservation before export. The second stream focuses on producing sliced pineapple products, either fresh-packed or canned for extended shelf life. The third stream is dedicated to juice extraction, resulting in bottled or packaged pineapple juice.

Notably, the diagram illustrates the industry’s commitment to resource efficiency, with various parts of the fruit being utilized across different product lines. This approach not only minimizes waste but also maximizes the economic value derived from each pineapple.