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The diagram below shows the process of making olive oil. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the process of making olive oil. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The image describes the production of olive oil, with various stages from harvesting to packaging. Overall, it is clear that the process is divided into eight main steps, beginning with collecting the olives and ending with transportation of oil bottles.
The initial steps in collection of olives, which use a rake to ensure efficiency. Following this, the olives are stored in vat for two to three days, allowing for the natural ripening process to occur. Subsequently, the olives undergo washing with cold water, removing dirt left on the surface. The next step involves crushing the olives with the hammers, which results in an olive paste while separating the olive stones.
After that, this paste is transferred to a container for the pressing and filtering process, which is then utilized with a hydraulic press. This stage is a crucial procedure aimed at producing olives oils. Following this phase, a centrifuge is operated for spinning and
separating the liquid components, particularly isolating the oil from the water. The final step of the process is pouring the oils into various bottles, following by the transportation to retail outlets, thereby ensuring the quality to consumers' hands.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the image describes" -> "the image illustrates"
    Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise term in academic writing, indicating that the image provides a visual representation of the process.

  2. "the process is divided into eight main steps" -> "the process consists of eight primary steps"
    Explanation: "Consists of" is a more formal phrase than "is divided into," and "primary" conveys a stronger sense of importance than "main."

  3. "collecting the olives" -> "harvesting the olives"
    Explanation: "Harvesting" is a more precise term that specifically refers to the act of gathering crops, which is appropriate in the context of olive oil production.

  4. "in collection of olives" -> "in the collection of olives"
    Explanation: Adding "the" improves grammatical accuracy and clarity in this phrase.

  5. "which use a rake to ensure efficiency" -> "which utilizes a rake to enhance efficiency"
    Explanation: "Utilizes" is a more formal alternative to "use," and "enhance" conveys a stronger sense of improvement than "ensure."

  6. "stored in vat" -> "stored in a vat"
    Explanation: The addition of "a" improves grammatical correctness by specifying that it refers to a single vat.

  7. "allowing for the natural ripening process to occur" -> "facilitating the natural ripening process"
    Explanation: "Facilitating" is a more concise and formal term that conveys the same meaning without unnecessary words.

  8. "washing with cold water" -> "washed with cold water"
    Explanation: Changing to the passive voice ("washed") aligns better with the formal tone of the essay and maintains consistency in verb tense.

  9. "removing dirt left on the surface" -> "removing residual dirt from the surface"
    Explanation: "Residual" specifies that the dirt is what remains after harvesting, improving clarity and precision.

  10. "the hammers" -> "hammers"
    Explanation: Removing "the" makes the phrase more general and aligns with academic writing conventions.

  11. "which results in an olive paste while separating the olive stones" -> "resulting in an olive paste and separating the olive stones"
    Explanation: Changing "which results in" to "resulting in" creates a more concise and fluid sentence structure.

  12. "this paste is transferred to a container for the pressing and filtering process, which is then utilized with a hydraulic press" -> "this paste is transferred to a container for pressing and filtering, utilizing a hydraulic press"
    Explanation: Streamlining the phrase improves clarity and reduces redundancy.

  13. "is a crucial procedure aimed at producing olives oils" -> "is a crucial procedure aimed at producing olive oil"
    Explanation: "Olive oil" is the correct term, as "olives oils" is grammatically incorrect.

  14. "Following this phase, a centrifuge is operated for spinning and separating the liquid components" -> "Subsequently, a centrifuge is employed to spin and separate the liquid components"
    Explanation: "Employed" is a more formal term than "operated," and "to spin and separate" improves clarity and conciseness.

  15. "particularly isolating the oil from the water" -> "particularly isolating the oil from the aqueous phase"
    Explanation: "Aqueous phase" is a more precise term used in scientific contexts, enhancing the academic tone.

  16. "the final step of the process is pouring the oils into various bottles, following by the transportation to retail outlets" -> "the final step of the process involves pouring the oil into various bottles, followed by transportation to retail outlets"
    Explanation: "Involves" is a more formal choice than "is," and correcting "following by" to "followed by" improves grammatical accuracy.

  17. "thereby ensuring the quality to consumers’ hands" -> "thereby ensuring quality for consumers"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase enhances clarity and maintains an academic tone without losing meaning.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process of making olive oil, identifying the main stages and providing some details. However, the essay does not fully cover all the key features of the process. For example, the essay does not mention the use of a rake in the harvesting process, and it does not provide any information about the purpose of the filters in the pressing and filtering stage.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more details about each stage of the process, including the purpose of each step. The essay could also be improved by making more comparisons between the different stages of the process. For example, the essay could compare the methods used to collect the olives with the methods used to transport the oil bottles.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, outlining the steps involved in the olive oil production process. There is a clear overall progression from one step to the next, which helps the reader to follow the process. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the transitions between sentences could be smoother. For example, phrases like "Following this" and "After that" are used repetitively, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the writing. Additionally, while the essay attempts to use paragraphing, it does not clearly separate different stages of the process into distinct paragraphs, leading to some confusion.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on varying the cohesive devices used to connect ideas and sentences. Incorporating more sophisticated linking words and phrases can improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, organizing the information into clear paragraphs—each dedicated to a specific stage of the process—would help clarify the structure and progression of ideas. Finally, ensuring that referencing is clear and accurate will further strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it describes the olive oil production process, the vocabulary used is basic and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "utilized with a hydraulic press" which could be more accurately expressed, and "pouring the oils into various bottles, following by the transportation" which contains grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "olives oils" instead of "olive oil." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting overall clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct word forms will help convey ideas more clearly. Practicing the use of synonyms and varied expressions can also contribute to a more sophisticated and precise writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the grammatical errors present (e.g., "the initial steps in collection of olives, which use a rake to ensure efficiency" lacks a main verb and is awkwardly phrased) detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that occasionally hinder communication, such as "following by the transportation to retail outlets," which should be "followed by the transportation to retail outlets."

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by ensuring that all sentences are complete and correctly structured. Increasing the variety of sentence structures and reducing errors in punctuation will also enhance clarity. Practicing complex sentence forms and ensuring that they are used accurately will contribute to a more sophisticated writing style. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors can help in achieving a more polished final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

The image illustrates the production of olive oil, detailing various stages from harvesting to packaging. Overall, the process is divided into eight main steps, beginning with the collection of olives and concluding with the transportation of oil bottles.

The initial steps involve the collection of olives, utilizing a rake to ensure efficiency. Following this, the olives are stored in a vat for two to three days, allowing for the natural ripening process to occur. Subsequently, the olives are washed with cold water, effectively removing any dirt left on the surface. The next step involves crushing the olives with hammers, resulting in an olive paste while separating the olive stones.

After that, this paste is transferred to a container for the pressing and filtering process, which is carried out using a hydraulic press. This stage is crucial for producing olive oil. Following this phase, a centrifuge is operated to spin and separate the liquid components, particularly isolating the oil from the water. The final step of the process involves pouring the oil into various bottles, followed by transportation to retail outlets, thereby ensuring the quality reaches consumers’ hands.

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