The diagram below shows the process of making soft cheese. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates how soft cheese is produced. Overall, the process comprises a number of steps, commencing with a mixture of water and milk and culminating with the final products all set to be consumed.

At the beginning of the process, two ingredients, namely water and milk, are mixed together in a mixer using a whisk. Subsequently, the mixture is ready for the second step in which it is stored in a cooling equipment to be chilled at 5 celsius degrees. After 2 hours, salt is added to the mixture before being heated at 35 celsius degree for 6 hours ready for fermentation. Once the mixture is heated, it turns to a liquid.

The process continues with the liquid being heated at a higher temperature, at 100 celsius degrees for 8 hours. The liquid then becomes thicker, and steam is let off via evaporation. In the last stage, the mixture is moved to the cooling equipment again, and is cooled at 5 celsius degrees for 6 hours. After that, the mixture turns in to thick liquid, waste water is filtered through a specialized tools, and soft cheese is produced through a filtering outlet.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"all set to be consumed" -> "ready for consumption"
Explanation: Replacing "all set to be consumed" with "ready for consumption" uses a more formal and precise phrase that fits better in technical writing.
"cooling equipment" -> "refrigeration unit"
Explanation: The term "refrigeration unit" is more specific and technically appropriate than the generic "cooling equipment", enhancing the accuracy of the description.
"5 celsius degrees" -> "5 degrees Celsius"
Explanation: The correct scientific notation for temperature is "degrees Celsius" rather than "celsius degrees".
"35 celsius degree" -> "35 degrees Celsius"
Explanation: Similarly, "degrees Celsius" should be used for consistency and correctness in scientific and technical contexts.
"heated at 35 celsius degree" -> "heated to 35 degrees Celsius"
Explanation: The preposition "to" is conventionally used with temperatures to indicate the target temperature in a heating process, rather than "at".
"ready for fermentation" -> "prepared for fermentation"
Explanation: "Prepared" is a more specific term that implies active readiness and suitability for the next step in a process, enhancing the technical tone.
"it turns to a liquid" -> "it becomes liquid"
Explanation: The phrase "becomes liquid" is grammatically correct and more concise, improving clarity and flow.
"heated at a higher temperature" -> "heated to a higher temperature"
Explanation: The preposition "to" should be used to describe the action of achieving a higher temperature, rather than "at".
"100 celsius degrees" -> "100 degrees Celsius"
Explanation: Correcting to "100 degrees Celsius" for consistency and proper scientific notation.
"let off via evaporation" -> "released by evaporation"
Explanation: "Released by evaporation" is a clearer and more accurate way to describe the process of steam leaving the liquid.
"is cooled at 5 celsius degrees" -> "is cooled to 5 degrees Celsius"
Explanation: Changing "at" to "to" to maintain consistency with the correct usage of temperature settings.
"turns in to thick liquid" -> "turns into a thick liquid"
Explanation: "Turns into a thick liquid" corrects the grammar by using "into" as a single preposition indicating transformation, and "a" provides the necessary article for the countable noun "liquid".
"waste water is filtered through a specialized tools" -> "wastewater is filtered through specialized tools"
Explanation: "Wastewater" is one word when referring to the byproduct of processes. Using "specialized tools" instead of "a specialized tools" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the technical accuracy.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the process of making soft cheese. It presents an overview with information appropriately selected, covering the main steps involved. Key features are adequately highlighted, such as mixing water and milk, chilling, adding salt, heating for fermentation, heating at higher temperature, evaporation, cooling, and filtering. However, some details may be inaccurate or lacking, such as the mention of waste water being filtered through specialized tools, which is not a key feature of the process.

How to improve: To improve, ensure all details are accurate and relevant to the process of making soft cheese. Provide more specific details about each step, such as time durations and temperatures, and avoid including irrelevant information. Additionally, consider enhancing the clarity and organization of the essay for better coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing a clear overall progression of the cheese-making process. Each step is presented in a logical sequence, from the initial mixing of water and milk to the final production of soft cheese. However, there are some instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For example, transitions between steps could be smoother to enhance coherence. Additionally, while cohesive devices are used effectively in some parts, there are areas where the use of referencing and substitution could be clearer. Paragraphing is used, but there is room for improvement in logical organization within paragraphs.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on refining transitions between steps to create a smoother flow of information. Ensure that cohesive devices are consistently used throughout the essay to maintain coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the clarity and appropriateness of referencing and substitution to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay. Work on organizing paragraphs more logically to enhance the structure of the response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of cheese production. It utilizes terms such as "mixture," "fermentation," "evaporation," and "filtering outlet," which are appropriate for describing the process. Additionally, the essay attempts to incorporate some less common vocabulary, such as "culminating" and "specialized tools." However, there are instances of inaccuracy and imprecision in word choice, such as "heated at 35 celsius degree for 6 hours ready for fermentation," where the phrase "ready for fermentation" seems misplaced, as fermentation typically occurs after the addition of the salt. Overall, while the vocabulary is suitable for the task, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that slightly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for greater accuracy and precision in word choice. Ensure that less common vocabulary is used appropriately and in context. Review the sequence of events in the cheese-making process to accurately describe each step and avoid confusion or inaccuracies in the essay’s content. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical structures to maintain clarity and coherence in conveying information.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of structures such as compound sentences and conditional clauses. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, though they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, there are minor errors such as "at 5 celsius degrees" which should be "at 5 degrees Celsius". Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "Subsequently, the mixture is ready for the second step in which it is stored in a cooling equipment," where "cooling equipment" should be "cooling unit". Overall, while the essay effectively conveys the main features of the process, the errors slightly detract from its clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining grammatical accuracy and punctuation usage. Proofreading the essay carefully to correct errors and ensure clarity of expression would enhance its overall effectiveness. Additionally, strive for more varied and precise vocabulary choices to further enrich the essay’s quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram delineates the sequential process involved in the production of soft cheese. In essence, the procedure encompasses several stages, beginning with the amalgamation of water and milk and concluding with the attainment of the final consumable products.

Initially, water and milk are combined in a mixer using a whisk. Following this, the resultant mixture undergoes refrigeration at a temperature of 5 degrees Celsius. After a span of 2 hours, salt is introduced into the mixture, which is then subjected to heating at 35 degrees Celsius for a duration of 6 hours, facilitating the fermentation process. Subsequent to heating, the mixture transitions into a liquid state.

The progression continues with the application of higher heat, reaching 100 degrees Celsius, sustained over a period of 8 hours. This induces a thickening of the liquid, with steam being released through evaporation. In the final phase, the mixture is returned to the cooling apparatus, where it is cooled to 5 degrees Celsius for 6 hours. Consequently, the mixture transforms into a viscous liquid, with wastewater being filtered using specialized equipment, ultimately resulting in the production of soft cheese through a dedicated outlet.