The Diagram below shows the production of ethanol oil from grain. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The picture illustrates hơ ethanol oil is produced from grain.

Overall, the process comprises a number of steps, beggining with the grain storage and ending with two kinds of productions purchased to fuel market or feed market.

At the beggining of the process, grain stored in a large storage is millied, then cooking it into liquid and stored in the oil drum barrel. Subsequently, the liquid resulting from liquefaction is pumped into a large champer in order to fement the grain liquid by specialized equipments. After the liquid fermentation process is finished, the fuel ethanol oil acquires from the procedure of distillation.
the process continues with two kinds of producing. In the first production type, the fuel ethanol oil is stored in particular barrels and then shipping to fuel markets. Turing to the other features, the fuel ethanol converted into solid , after which it is dried by a stove. Finally, those dry distillers grain are moved to feed market to sell for customers or breeders.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"hơ" -> "how"
Explanation: "hơ" is likely a typographical error and should be corrected to "how" to ensure readability and accuracy.
"ethanol oil" -> "ethanol"
Explanation: "Ethanol oil" is redundant as ethanol is already a type of oil. Removing "oil" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone.
"begginning" -> "beginning"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "beginning" for grammatical accuracy.
"beggining" -> "beginning"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "beginning" for grammatical accuracy.
"fuel market or feed market" -> "fuel and feed markets"
Explanation: Changing "fuel market or feed market" to "fuel and feed markets" corrects the awkward phrasing and aligns with more formal academic style by using plural forms.
"millied" -> "milled"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "milled" for grammatical accuracy.
"cooking it into liquid" -> "converting it into a liquid"
Explanation: "Converting it into a liquid" is a more precise and formal way of describing the process, replacing the colloquial "cooking."
"stored in the oil drum barrel" -> "stored in oil drums"
Explanation: "Oil drums" is a more precise term than "oil drum barrel," and it avoids redundancy by not specifying "barrel" twice.
"fement" -> "ferment"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "ferment" for grammatical accuracy.
"specialized equipments" -> "specialized equipment"
Explanation: "Equipment" should be singular to match the singular form "specialized," as it refers to a single unit of equipment.
"After the liquid fermentation process is finished" -> "After the liquid fermentation process is complete"
Explanation: "Complete" is a more formal and precise term than "finished" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"acquires from the procedure of distillation" -> "is produced through distillation"
Explanation: "Is produced through distillation" is clearer and more direct, avoiding the awkward construction of "acquires from the procedure of."
"fuel ethanol oil" -> "fuel ethanol"
Explanation: Again, "fuel ethanol oil" is redundant; "fuel ethanol" is sufficient and more concise.
"Turing" -> "Turning"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "Turning" for grammatical accuracy.
"fuel ethanol converted into solid" -> "the fuel ethanol is converted into a solid"
Explanation: Adding "the" and "a" corrects the grammatical structure and clarity of the sentence.
"dry distillers grain" -> "dry distiller’s grains"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form to "distiller’s" and pluralizes "grain" to "grains" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"moved to feed market to sell for customers or breeders" -> "transferred to the feed market for sale to customers and breeders"
Explanation: "Transferred to the feed market for sale" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and informal "moved to feed market to sell."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay needs to provide a clear overview of the process, highlighting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary detail. For example, the essay could be improved by combining the sentences about the storage and shipping of fuel ethanol oil. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the liquid resulting from liquefaction is pumped into a large chamber," the essay could say "the liquefied grain is pumped into a fermentation tank."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, outlining the steps in the ethanol oil production process. However, there is a lack of overall progression, as the transitions between steps are not always clear, which can confuse the reader. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to a disjointed flow. For example, phrases like "the process continues with two kinds of producing" are vague and do not effectively link the ideas. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing, as the essay does not clearly separate different stages of the process into distinct paragraphs, which detracts from coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs that each address a specific part of the process. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each step logically follows the previous one, with clear transitions, will improve the overall flow of the essay. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will enhance clarity and professionalism.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of ethanol oil production, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "hơ," "beggining," "millied," "champer," "fement," "acquires," "Turing," "converted"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the content. The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking the variety and sophistication expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors is essential. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocations would also contribute to a higher score. Engaging with a wider range of reading materials can help in acquiring more sophisticated vocabulary and understanding its appropriate usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like "the grain stored in a large storage is millied" contain errors such as "millied" (which should be "milled") and awkward constructions. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as the lack of capitalization at the beginning of sentences. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the overall process described.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are grammatically correct. Proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors is essential, as these can detract from the clarity of the writing. Additionally, practicing the use of transitional phrases and conjunctions can help in creating smoother and more coherent sentences. Engaging with grammar exercises or seeking feedback on writing can also aid in improving overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The picture illustrates how ethanol oil is produced from grain.

Overall, the process comprises several steps, beginning with grain storage and ending with two types of products delivered to the fuel market or the feed market.

At the beginning of the process, grain stored in a large facility is milled, then cooked into a liquid and stored in an oil drum barrel. Subsequently, the liquid resulting from liquefaction is pumped into a large chamber in order to ferment the grain liquid using specialized equipment. After the liquid fermentation process is completed, the fuel ethanol oil is obtained through the procedure of distillation.

The process continues with the production of two types of products. In the first production type, the fuel ethanol oil is stored in specific barrels and then shipped to fuel markets. Turning to the other product, the fuel ethanol is converted into a solid, after which it is dried by a stove. Finally, the dried distillers’ grains are moved to the feed market to be sold to customers or breeders.