The diagram describes the process of making cherry jam. Describe the process.

The diagram illustrates the process of cherry jam production. There are nine steps in total, beginning with harvesting cherries and ending with product labelling.
In the first stage of collecting and sorting, cherries are picked up from a tall tree by using a big rubber band and shaking it until all of cherries fall. Cherries then are loaded into a specialized truck for transporting them to a factory. After that, there is an automatic machine that can categorize cherries into two main types, including good-quality and low-quality ones.
Subsequently, the good cherries are washed with water in another machine to remove impurities and chemicals substances, ensuring that they are safe enough for the following step. Next, a series of metal spikes are activated to assist in stone removal by pressing the cherries against a stone tablet, after which it is cooked in a giant pot with several ingredients such as lemon juice, sugar and pectin to enhance its flavor.
In the final stage, cherry jam is checked for the quality. If it meets the required standards, it is placed on a conveyor belt and filled into jars. Lastly, each jar is labeled with its brand name before being delivered to markets, which makes it easily accessible to consumers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"picked up from a tall tree by using a big rubber band" -> "harvested from a tall tree using a large rubber band"
Explanation: "Harvested" is a more formal and precise term than "picked up," and "large" is a more appropriate adjective than "big" in an academic context.
"until all of cherries fall" -> "until all the cherries fall"
Explanation: The inclusion of "the" clarifies that it refers to specific cherries, improving grammatical accuracy.
"are loaded into a specialized truck for transporting them to a factory" -> "are loaded into a specialized truck for transport to a factory"
Explanation: "Transport" is a more concise and formal term than "transporting them," enhancing clarity and flow.
"there is an automatic machine that can categorize cherries into two main types, including good-quality and low-quality ones" -> "an automatic machine categorizes cherries into two main types: high-quality and low-quality"
Explanation: Removing "there is" makes the sentence more direct. "High-quality" is a more precise term than "good-quality," and the use of a colon improves clarity.
"to remove impurities and chemicals substances" -> "to remove impurities and chemical substances"
Explanation: "Chemical substances" is the correct term; "chemicals" should be in the adjective form to modify "substances."
"ensuring that they are safe enough for the following step" -> "ensuring their safety for the subsequent step"
Explanation: "Ensuring their safety" is more concise and formal than "ensuring that they are safe enough," and "subsequent" is a more precise term than "following."
"a series of metal spikes are activated to assist in stone removal by pressing the cherries against a stone tablet" -> "a series of metal spikes are activated to facilitate stone removal by pressing the cherries against a stone tablet"
Explanation: "Facilitate" is a more formal and precise term than "assist in," enhancing the academic tone.
"after which it is cooked in a giant pot with several ingredients such as lemon juice, sugar and pectin to enhance its flavor" -> "after which they are cooked in a large pot with several ingredients, including lemon juice, sugar, and pectin, to enhance flavor"
Explanation: "They" clarifies that the cherries are being cooked, and "large" is a more appropriate term than "giant." The addition of commas improves readability.
"is checked for the quality" -> "is assessed for quality"
Explanation: "Assessed" is a more formal and precise term than "checked," improving the academic tone.
"which makes it easily accessible to consumers" -> "thereby making it easily accessible to consumers"
Explanation: "Thereby" provides a clearer connection between the actions and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main stages of the process. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more detail about the specific types of chemicals that are removed during the washing stage.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail about the specific steps involved in the process. For example, the essay could describe the specific types of equipment used in each stage of the process. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific information about the ingredients used in the jam.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the description of the cherry jam production process. Each step is detailed sequentially, allowing the reader to follow the process easily. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, though there are instances where the connection between sentences could be smoother. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, but there is some room for improvement in the overall flow and linking of ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next would strengthen the overall coherence. More explicit referencing and substitution could also help reduce repetition and improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common terms, such as "specialized truck" and "metal spikes." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice, such as "good-quality" and "low-quality," which could be expressed more naturally as "high-quality" and "low-quality." Additionally, there are minor errors in phrasing, such as "all of cherries fall," which should be "all the cherries fall." These inaccuracies and occasional errors in word formation affect the overall clarity and precision of the communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and fewer inaccuracies. Incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary, while ensuring correct collocations and expressions, would strengthen the essay. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can help improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6. There are some grammatical errors, such as "all of cherries" (should be "all of the cherries") and "chemicals substances" (should be "chemical substances"), but these errors do not significantly impede communication. The use of structures is adequate, but the essay lacks the variety and complexity needed to achieve a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of complex sentence structures and ensure that all sentences are error-free. This can be achieved by proofreading for common grammatical mistakes and expanding the use of subordinate clauses. Additionally, incorporating more varied vocabulary and sentence beginnings can improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process of cherry jam production. There are nine steps in total, beginning with the harvesting of cherries and ending with product labeling.

In the first stage of collecting and sorting, cherries are picked from a tall tree using a large rubber band, which is shaken until all the cherries fall. The cherries are then loaded into a specialized truck for transportation to the factory. After that, an automatic machine categorizes the cherries into two main types: good-quality and low-quality ones.

Subsequently, the good cherries are washed with water in another machine to remove impurities and chemical substances, ensuring that they are safe for the next step. Next, a series of metal spikes are activated to assist in stone removal by pressing the cherries against a stone tablet. After this, the cherries are cooked in a giant pot with several ingredients, such as lemon juice, sugar, and pectin, to enhance their flavor.

In the final stage, the cherry jam is checked for quality. If it meets the required standards, it is placed on a conveyor belt and filled into jars. Lastly, each jar is labeled with its brand name before being delivered to markets, making it easily accessible to consumers.