The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram highlights the process by which carbonated drinks are produced.
Overall, the process consists of five distinct stages, starting with the cleaning of water and ending with the packaged carbonated drinks to deliver to the supermarket. In addition, there are three main phases which are how water is cleaned, how people aerate carbonation and add flavour into the drink and fill carbonated drinks into bottles or cans to deliver to supermarkets.
First, to have clean water, raw water from waterworks goes through the filter pump . Then the filtered water flows through the water softener system. This helps remove calcium, magnesium, and some other metal cations in hard water. After having cleaned water, this water continues to flow through the pump and go into the electric heaters. Water is then passed through a cooling pipe in order to ensure the correct temperature for industrial production lines. Next, this water continues to flow into a tank. And at this point, aerate carbon dioxide is earated into the water then the water now becomes carbonated water.
The carbonated water ,which is created at the stage two, then flows through the pipe and flows into the mixing tank, where the worker will add coloring products, syrup and chemical sugar to make the drink have the flavour.
Finally, the carbonated drink will be filtered one more time to make sure there are no sand grits. Then it is poured and filled into the bottles and cans. All of these carbonated drink cans and bottles are packaged to the carton, labeled carefully and delivered to the supermarket for consumption.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"how people aerate carbonation" -> "the process of carbonation"
Explanation: "How people aerate carbonation" is awkward and unclear. "The process of carbonation" is a more concise and accurate description of adding carbon dioxide to create carbonation in the drink.
"fill carbonated drinks into bottles or cans" -> "bottle or can the carbonated drinks"
Explanation: "Fill carbonated drinks into bottles or cans" is grammatically incorrect. "Bottle or can the carbonated drinks" provides a clearer and more active construction of the action.
"to have clean water" -> "to ensure water purity"
Explanation: "To have clean water" is casual; "to ensure water purity" is more formal and precise, fitting the context of a technical description.
"Raw water from waterworks" -> "Untreated water from the water source"
Explanation: "Raw water from waterworks" is redundant. "Untreated water from the water source" is more precise and eliminates redundancy.
"filter pump" -> "filtration pump"
Explanation: "Filter pump" is vague. "Filtration pump" specifies the purpose of the pump more clearly.
"Water softener system" -> "Ion exchange water softening system"
Explanation: "Water softener system" lacks specificity. "Ion exchange water softening system" precisely describes the method used to remove calcium and magnesium ions.
"earate carbon dioxide is earated" -> "carbon dioxide is infused"
Explanation: "Earate carbon dioxide is earated" is redundant and awkward. "Carbon dioxide is infused" is clearer and more concise.
"aerate carbon dioxide" -> "infuse carbon dioxide"
Explanation: "Aerate carbon dioxide" is imprecise. "Infuse carbon dioxide" accurately describes the process of adding carbon dioxide to the water.
"to make the drink have the flavour" -> "to impart flavor to the beverage"
Explanation: "To make the drink have the flavour" is informal. "To impart flavor to the beverage" is more formal and precise.
"the carbonated drink will be filtered one more time" -> "the carbonated beverage undergoes another filtration process"
Explanation: "The carbonated drink will be filtered one more time" is passive and unclear. "The carbonated beverage undergoes another filtration process" is more active and specific.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the process of making carbonated drinks. It presents a clear overview of the main stages involved in the process, including cleaning water, carbonation, flavoring, filtering, and packaging. Key features such as the equipment used and the sequence of steps are highlighted, though some details could be further elaborated for a more thorough understanding.
How to improve:
To enhance the essay, provide more specific details about the equipment used at each stage of the process and elaborate on how each step contributes to the overall production of carbonated drinks. Additionally, ensure clarity in expression and accuracy of information throughout the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information about the process of making carbonated drinks in a somewhat coherent manner, detailing the stages involved. There is a clear attempt at progression, starting from cleaning water to packaging the drinks for delivery. However, there are instances where the cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for better clarity and flow. For example, transitions between stages could be smoother to enhance coherence. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices like sequencing words and phrases to connect ideas, although there are occasional faults and mechanical usage. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically; some paragraphs could be better structured for improved organization.

How to improve:

Logical Organization: Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas from one stage to the next, maintaining a smooth flow throughout the essay.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the usage is accurate and avoids repetition.
Paragraphing: Ensure that paragraphs are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the process. Transition smoothly between paragraphs to enhance coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with basic terms used to describe the process of making carbonated drinks. While some technical terms such as "filter pump" and "water softener system" are used, there is a lack of variety in vocabulary overall. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay, such as "aerate carbonation" instead of "aerate carbon dioxide," and "earated" instead of "aerated." These errors, along with occasional inaccuracies in collocation, contribute to a somewhat limited lexical resource.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, especially more specific technical terms related to the process of making carbonated drinks. Additionally, careful attention to word choice and accuracy in spelling and word formation is necessary to convey ideas more precisely. Proofreading the essay for errors and refining the vocabulary used can enhance the lexical sophistication and overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of structures such as descriptive sequences and procedural steps. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, but they rarely obstruct communication. The writer effectively communicates the main stages of the carbonated drink production process, albeit with some grammatical inaccuracies.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on consistent verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially regarding comma usage and sentence boundaries, would further improve clarity and readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the process involved in the production of carbonated beverages. Overall, this process encompasses five distinct stages, commencing with water purification and culminating in the packaging of the carbonated drinks for distribution to supermarkets. Additionally, there are three primary phases: water purification, carbonation and flavoring, and packaging.

Initially, raw water sourced from waterworks undergoes filtration via a filter pump. Subsequently, the filtered water passes through a water softener system, which serves to eliminate calcium, magnesium, and other metal cations present in hard water. Following this purification stage, the water proceeds through electric heaters and a cooling pipe to attain the optimal temperature required for industrial production lines. It then enters a tank where carbon dioxide is aerated into the water, transforming it into carbonated water.

In the second stage of the process, the carbonated water flows through pipes into a mixing tank, where additives such as coloring products, syrup, and chemical sweeteners are introduced by workers to impart flavor to the beverage.

Lastly, the carbonated drink undergoes a final filtration to ensure the absence of any particulate matter before being filled into bottles and cans. These containers are then packaged into cartons, meticulously labeled, and dispatched to supermarkets for distribution and consumption.