The diagram illustrates the process of making traditional wooden shoes called clogs

The drawing pictorially delineates the process by which traditional wooden shoes caled clogs are manufactured.

Overall, there are six stages of the process, commencing with the cutting of wood and finishing by decorating shoes.

Intially, wood such as pollar or willow are collected before being divived into several logs by a saw. Subsequently, these logs are chopped by a axe to outline the shoe shape, followed by using a long knife for removing excess wood.

The production process continues with boring out shoe interior by a spoon drill to make a hole in the bulbous part. Having benn cleaned by sandpaper, the shoes are completed as decorating phase with colours based on personal preference.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The drawing pictorially delineates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Pictorially delineates" is an overly complex and less common phrase. "Illustrates" is a more straightforward and commonly used term in academic writing, providing clarity without sacrificing formality.
"caled" -> "called"
Explanation: "Caled" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "called" fixes the spelling mistake, ensuring the text is accurate and professional.
"commencing with the cutting of wood" -> "beginning with the cutting of wood"
Explanation: "Commencing" is slightly formal but can sound archaic in modern academic writing. "Beginning" is a more natural and commonly used alternative that maintains formality without being overly formal.
"Intially" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "Intially" is a spelling error. Correcting it to "Initially" fixes the spelling mistake, ensuring the text is professionally presented.
"wood such as pollar or willow are" -> "woods such as beech or willow are"
Explanation: "Wood" should be pluralized to "woods" to agree with the plural context. "Pollar" is likely a typographical error; "beech" is a more accurate and common type of wood used in clog production.
"divived" -> "divided"
Explanation: "Divived" is a misspelling. Correcting it to "divided" ensures the text is accurate and readable.
"by a saw" -> "using a saw"
Explanation: "By a saw" is less precise. "Using a saw" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing, emphasizing the tool’s active role in the process.
"chopped by a axe" -> "chopped with an axe"
Explanation: "A axe" is grammatically incorrect. "With an axe" is the correct prepositional phrase, enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"for removing excess wood" -> "to remove excess wood"
Explanation: "For removing" is less direct and slightly awkward. "To remove" is more concise and fits better in formal academic writing.
"boring out shoe interior" -> "boring out the shoe interior"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "shoe interior" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more precise and formal.
"Having benn cleaned" -> "Having been cleaned"
Explanation: "Benn" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "been" fixes the spelling mistake, ensuring the text is professionally presented.
"as decorating phase" -> "in the decorating phase"
Explanation: "As decorating phase" is awkward and unclear. "In the decorating phase" is grammatically correct and clearer, enhancing readability and formality.
"with colours" -> "with color"
Explanation: "Colours" is correct for British English, but in American English, the standard spelling is "color." Both are acceptable, but specifying "color" aligns with the essay’s likely American English context.

These corrections and suggestions aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process of making clogs, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages of the process. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the use of sandpaper for inside and outside of the shoe.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting all the key features/bullet points, and providing more details about each stage. The essay could also be improved by using more precise and accurate language. For example, instead of saying "wood such as pollar or willow are collected", the essay could say "poplar or willow wood is collected".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the process of making clogs with some level of organization; however, it lacks a clear overall progression. While it attempts to outline the stages of production, the transitions between ideas are not always smooth, and there are instances of inadequate referencing. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to some confusion in the flow of information. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between stages of the process. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic and is logically structured will help. The use of cohesive devices should be varied and applied appropriately to avoid repetition and mechanical usage. Finally, consistent and clear paragraphing will improve readability and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While the writer attempts to use some specific terms related to the process of making clogs (e.g., "cutting of wood," "chopped by an axe"), there are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "caled," "intially," "divived," "benn") and word formation (e.g., "boring out shoe interior"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the text. The vocabulary used is basic, and there is a lack of variety and sophistication in word choice, which restricts the overall effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic, including synonyms and more specific terms that convey precise meanings.
Correct Spelling Errors: Proofread the essay to identify and correct spelling mistakes, as these can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
Use of Collocations: Improve the use of collocations and phrases that are commonly associated with the topic, which can help in conveying ideas more naturally.
Practice Word Formation: Work on understanding and applying correct word forms to avoid errors in grammatical structure and enhance the overall fluency of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as "caled" instead of "called," "divived" instead of "divided," and "benn" instead of "been." Additionally, the sentence structures are sometimes awkward, which can cause confusion for the reader. While the overall meaning is conveyed, the errors detract from the clarity and effectiveness of the communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical errors before submission.
Variety of Sentence Structures: Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Grammar Exercises: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to improve accuracy, particularly with verb forms and punctuation.
Feedback: Seek feedback from peers or instructors to identify specific areas of weakness and work on them systematically.

Bài sửa mẫu

The drawing pictorially delineates the process by which traditional wooden shoes called clogs are manufactured.

Overall, there are six stages in the process, commencing with the cutting of wood and finishing with the decoration of the shoes.

Initially, wood such as poplar or willow is collected before being divided into several logs by a saw. Subsequently, these logs are chopped with an axe to outline the shoe shape, followed by the use of a long knife to remove excess wood.

The production process continues with boring out the shoe interior using a spoon drill to create a hole in the bulbous part. After being cleaned with sandpaper, the shoes are completed in the decorating phase, with colors based on personal preference.