The diagram shows how concentrated apple juice is produced.

The process below illustrates steps to produce concentrated apple juice. There are three phase of manufacture include harvesting andpreliminary processing to juice and packing.
In the first phase, the best apples are harvested and selected carefully by farmers. Then, they put them on receiving belt to move to the washing and sorting area. After being cleaned, they are put into an apple grinder to grind them into to smaller spieces.
Go to the second phase these apples they pour apples into a setup to separate water and pulp from concentration. Next, aroma is added into the liquid which will be filtered to remove residue. After that they pasteurize the filtered liquid at 80 degrees Celsius.
Coming to the last phase, juice is filled into a bottle and packing into a box then deliver to customers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"steps to produce concentrated apple juice" -> "steps for the production of concentrated apple juice"
Explanation: Adding "for the production of" enhances the formality and specificity of the phrase, aligning it better with academic style.
"There are three phase of manufacture include harvesting andpreliminary processing to juice and packing." -> "The process involves three phases: harvesting, preliminary processing, and packaging."
Explanation: Correcting "phase" to "phases" for plural agreement and replacing "include" with "involves" for a more formal tone. Also, "to juice and packing" is incorrect; "packaging" is the correct term.
"the best apples are harvested and selected carefully by farmers" -> "the finest apples are carefully selected by farmers"
Explanation: Simplifying "the best apples are harvested and selected" to "the finest apples are carefully selected" removes redundancy and enhances clarity.
"Then, they put them on receiving belt to move to the washing and sorting area." -> "They are then placed on a receiving belt to proceed to the washing and sorting area."
Explanation: Changing "Then, they put them on receiving belt" to "They are then placed on a receiving belt" corrects the grammatical structure and adds specificity with "a."
"After being cleaned, they are put into an apple grinder to grind them into to smaller spieces." -> "After cleaning, they are fed into an apple grinder to grind them into smaller pieces."
Explanation: Correcting "to grind them into to smaller spieces" to "to grind them into smaller pieces" fixes grammatical errors and uses the correct term "pieces" instead of "spieces."
"Go to the second phase these apples they pour apples into a setup to separate water and pulp from concentration." -> "In the second phase, the apples are poured into a setup to separate water and pulp from the concentrate."
Explanation: Correcting "Go to the second phase these apples they pour" to "In the second phase, the apples are poured" fixes awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Also, "concentration" should be "the concentrate" for clarity and correctness.
"Next, aroma is added into the liquid which will be filtered to remove residue." -> "Next, an aroma is added to the liquid, which will be filtered to remove residue."
Explanation: Adding "an" before "aroma" corrects the article usage, and changing "into" to "to" corrects the preposition for the purpose of adding.
"After that they pasteurize the filtered liquid at 80 degrees Celsius." -> "Subsequently, the filtered liquid is pasteurized at 80 degrees Celsius."
Explanation: Changing "After that they pasteurize" to "Subsequently, the filtered liquid is pasteurized" improves formality and clarity.
"juice is filled into a bottle and packing into a box then deliver to customers." -> "the juice is filled into bottles and packaged in boxes before being delivered to customers."
Explanation: Correcting "juice is filled into a bottle and packing into a box then deliver to customers" to "the juice is filled into bottles and packaged in boxes before being delivered to customers" corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay also does not adequately cover all of the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the use of a centrifuge to separate water from apple concentration.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the key features/bullet points, and providing more detail about each stage. The essay could also be improved by using more appropriate language and grammar. For example, the essay could use more precise vocabulary to describe the process, and it could avoid using informal language.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the process of producing concentrated apple juice, but it lacks clear overall progression and logical organization. While there are attempts to describe the phases of production, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to confusion in understanding the sequence of steps. Additionally, paragraphing is inadequate, as the essay does not clearly delineate between the different phases of the process.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clear paragraphs for each phase of the process, ensuring that each paragraph has a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more logically. Additionally, improving sentence structure and clarity will aid in presenting information in a more organized manner.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of producing concentrated apple juice, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "phase" instead of "phases," "spieces" instead of "pieces," and "packing into a box" which should be "packed into a box." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the process clearly. Additionally, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks the variety needed to convey precise meanings effectively.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and specific terms related to the topic. This includes using synonyms and less common lexical items to avoid repetition. Furthermore, attention should be paid to spelling and grammatical accuracy to ensure that errors do not impede communication. Practicing the use of collocations and phrases commonly associated with food processing could also improve clarity and sophistication in writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily utilizing simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("to grind them into to smaller spieces"), missing articles ("the best apples"), and awkward phrasing ("Go to the second phase these apples they pour apples"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the process being described. Overall, while the essay conveys the general idea of the process, the grammatical inaccuracies and limitations in sentence variety hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of structures.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and sentence construction, to ensure clarity and correctness.
Use of Articles: Pay attention to the use of definite and indefinite articles to improve the overall grammatical accuracy.
Clarity in Transitions: Use clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through the different phases of the process, which will also help in structuring complex sentences more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The process below illustrates the steps to produce concentrated apple juice. There are three phases of manufacture, which include harvesting, preliminary processing to juice, and packing.

In the first phase, the best apples are carefully harvested and selected by farmers. Then, they are placed on a receiving belt to move to the washing and sorting area. After being cleaned, the apples are put into an apple grinder to grind them into smaller pieces.

Moving to the second phase, the apples are poured into a setup to separate water and pulp from the concentrate. Next, aroma is added to the liquid, which is then filtered to remove any residue. After that, the filtered liquid is pasteurized at 80 degrees Celsius.

In the final phase, the juice is filled into bottles and packed into boxes before being delivered to customers.