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The diagram shows how electricity is generated by a hydroelectric dam. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows how electricity is generated by a hydroelectric dam. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The picture illustrates the process of electricity generation by a hydroelectric dam.
Overall, The process involves six stages beginning with the reservoir and ending with electricity transformation to consumption.

Firstly, water from the stream will be restored in the large reservoir which is connected with a large dam. After that, water is intaken in a penstock and leads directly to a turbine system. At this stage, the water enforcement makes the turbine move multiple circles with high speed. At this stage, there are two processes happening at the same time.
The first is that water enforcement generates the electricity through a generator in a powerhouse due to this repetitive mechanism. In addition, at the turbine system, water flow is through the turbine and continues leaking to the exit pipe to lead directly to the river.
The next stage is that electricity will be transferred by power lines. It takes a long distance to transfer to the families so the power lines will be held by huge concrete pillars. Finally, the electricity is distributed for consumption purposes.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "The picture illustrates" -> "The illustration depicts"
    Explanation: "Illustrates" is commonly used but replacing it with "depicts" adds sophistication and variety to the language.

  2. "process of electricity generation" -> "electricity generation process"
    Explanation: Placing "electricity generation" before "process" creates a smoother and more concise expression of the concept.

  3. "beginning with the reservoir" -> "commencing at the reservoir"
    Explanation: "Commencing" is a more formal alternative to "beginning," enhancing the formality of the description.

  4. "ending with electricity transformation to consumption" -> "culminating in the transformation of electricity for consumption"
    Explanation: By restructuring the phrase, the sentence becomes more precise and detailed, conveying the process more effectively.

  5. "water from the stream will be restored" -> "water from the stream is redirected"
    Explanation: "Restored" suggests returning something to its original state, which is not the case here. "Redirected" accurately describes the movement of water.

  6. "connected with a large dam" -> "connected to a large dam"
    Explanation: "Connected to" is the correct preposition to use when describing the relationship between the reservoir and the dam.

  7. "water is intaken" -> "water is taken"
    Explanation: "Intaken" is not commonly used in this context. "Taken" is simpler and clearer.

  8. "water enforcement" -> "water pressure"
    Explanation: "Water pressure" accurately describes the force exerted by the water, whereas "water enforcement" is not a standard term.

  9. "makes the turbine move multiple circles with high speed" -> "rotates the turbine rapidly"
    Explanation: "Move multiple circles with high speed" is awkward and imprecise. "Rotates the turbine rapidly" is clearer and more concise.

  10. "electricity through a generator in a powerhouse" -> "electricity via a generator housed in a powerhouse"
    Explanation: "Via" is a more sophisticated way to express the transfer of electricity, and "housed in a powerhouse" provides additional detail.

  11. "repetitive mechanism" -> "repetitive process"
    Explanation: "Mechanism" refers to a physical part, while "process" is more appropriate here to describe the repetitive nature of electricity generation.

  12. "continues leaking" -> "continuously flows"
    Explanation: "Continues leaking" implies an unintended release of water, whereas "continuously flows" accurately describes the ongoing movement.

  13. "will be transferred" -> "is transmitted"
    Explanation: "Is transmitted" is a more active and direct way to describe the transfer of electricity.

  14. "takes a long distance" -> "covers a long distance"
    Explanation: "Covers a long distance" is a clearer and more idiomatic way to express the idea of distance traveled.

  15. "huge concrete pillars" -> "massive concrete pylons"
    Explanation: "Pylons" is a more specific term for structures used to support power lines, and "massive" adds emphasis to their size.

  16. "distributed for consumption purposes" -> "distributed for consumption"
    Explanation: "Purposes" is redundant in this context. "Distributed for consumption" is concise and clear.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the electricity generation process by a hydroelectric dam. It covers the six stages involved in the process, beginning with the reservoir and ending with electricity distribution for consumption. Key features such as water intake, turbine movement, electricity generation, and power line transmission are presented. However, some details may be inaccurate or lacking clarity, such as the description of water flow through the turbine and the use of terminology like "water enforcement." Additionally, the essay could benefit from a clearer organization of ideas and more precise language.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure accuracy and clarity of technical terms and descriptions related to the hydroelectric process.
  2. Organize the essay with clear transitions between stages to improve coherence.
  3. Provide more detailed explanations where necessary to enhance the reader’s understanding of the process.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization by presenting the main stages of electricity generation from a hydroelectric dam, albeit with some confusion and lack of clarity. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between stages without a clear flow. Cohesive devices are used inconsistently and sometimes inaccurately, which affects the clarity of the essay. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks logical coherence. Repetition occurs, particularly in the description of the turbine system.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a clearer structure with a logical progression from one stage to the next. Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for more precise and varied language. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the process, enhancing overall organization and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "reservoir," "penstock," "powerhouse," and "turbine system." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "water enforcement" instead of "water pressure" or "water force." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, like "intaken" instead of "taken in" and "leads" instead of "leading." Despite these errors, the vocabulary used effectively conveys the process of electricity generation by a hydroelectric dam.

How to improve: To improve, focus on using precise vocabulary and accurate word choice. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will enhance clarity and fluency. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary while ensuring accuracy will elevate the lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with Band 6 criteria. There is an attempt to vary sentence structure and use complex constructions, such as "After that, water is intaken in a penstock and leads directly to a turbine system" and "At this stage, there are two processes happening at the same time." However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay that slightly hinder communication. For instance, "water enforcement" should be "water pressure," "intaken" should be "intaken in," and "make the turbine move multiple circles with high speed" could be more clearly expressed. These errors, though noticeable, do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring precision in language use. Reviewing and editing for grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word choice, will help to improve clarity and coherence. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures to showcase greater flexibility in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process of electricity generation via a hydroelectric dam. The process comprises six stages, commencing with the reservoir and culminating in the transmission of electricity for consumption.

Initially, water from the stream is collected in a sizable reservoir, connected to a substantial dam. Subsequently, the water is conveyed through a penstock and directed to a turbine system. During this phase, the force of the water propels the turbine to rotate swiftly. Simultaneously, two processes occur: the water force drives electricity generation via a generator in a powerhouse, and the water, post-turbine passage, exits through an exit pipe, returning to the river.

Following this, the generated electricity is conveyed via power lines, necessitating long-distance transmission to reach households. To support these lines, massive concrete pillars are employed. Ultimately, the electricity is disseminated for consumption.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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