The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949 -2008. Write a 150 word report for a university lecturer identifying the main trends and making comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below figures for the percentage of people in three countries – USA, Canada and Mexico who used the Internet between 1999 and 2009.

Overall, Mexicans spend less time on the computer during the period shown; however, the diagram compares all countries increase in Internet users over the 10 years. This is due to breakthroughs in science and technology, especially smart devices, as well as the popularity of social networks.

In 1999, the number of people using the Internet in America was around 40 percent, while Canada and Mexico were about 20% and 5% respectively. In 2003, Canada skyrocketed, leading with about 70% of the population, US users were behind Canada, slower than the period 1999 – 2001 with 50%, last was Mexico, but still increased steadily after that.

By 2009, the percentage of Internet users was highest in Canada, almost 100% of Canadians using Inter, America illustrate the rise with stability, and the period from 2005 to 2009 saw an enormous, nearly 85% and reaching over 40% in Mexico. Using too many smart devices is not good, but it cannot be denied that the Internet is creeping into every corner of life today and gradually becoming an indispensable part of our daily lives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"figures for the percentage" -> "illustrates the percentage"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "figures for," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"people in three countries – USA, Canada and Mexico" -> "residents of the United States, Canada, and Mexico"
Explanation: Using "residents" instead of "people" provides a more specific and formal term, and including the full country names avoids the informal use of abbreviations.
"used the Internet" -> "accessed the Internet"
Explanation: "Accessed" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating the act of using the Internet, which is more specific than the broader term "used."
"the diagram compares all countries increase in Internet users" -> "the graph compares the increase in Internet users across all countries"
Explanation: "Graph" is the correct term for a visual representation of data, and "across all countries" clarifies the scope of the comparison.
"breakthroughs in science and technology, especially smart devices" -> "advancements in science and technology, particularly in smart devices"
Explanation: "Advancements" is a more specific term than "breakthroughs," and "particularly" is more formal than "especially."
"the popularity of social networks" -> "the growing popularity of social media"
Explanation: "Social media" is a more specific term than "social networks," and "growing" indicates an ongoing trend, which is more precise than "the."
"skyrocketed" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Skyrocketed" is an informal and colloquial term; "experienced a significant increase" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"slower than the period 1999 – 2001" -> "at a slower rate than during the period 1999-2001"
Explanation: "At a slower rate than during" is a more precise and formal way to describe the comparison.
"last was Mexico" -> "Mexico trailed behind"
Explanation: "Trailing behind" is a more formal and precise way to describe the relative position of Mexico compared to the other countries.
"illustrate the rise with stability" -> "demonstrate a steady increase"
Explanation: "Demonstrate a steady increase" is more formal and precise than "illustrate the rise with stability," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"enormous, nearly 85%" -> "a significant increase of nearly 85%"
Explanation: "A significant increase of nearly 85%" is more formal and avoids the informal use of "enormous."
"Using too many smart devices is not good" -> "Excessive use of smart devices is not advisable"
Explanation: "Excessive use of smart devices is not advisable" is more formal and avoids the casual tone of "Using too many smart devices is not good."
"creeping into every corner of life" -> "penetrating various aspects of life"
Explanation: "Penetrating various aspects of life" is more formal and precise than "creeping into every corner of life," which is colloquial.
"gradually becoming an indispensable part of our daily lives" -> "increasingly becoming an essential component of daily life"
Explanation: "Increasingly becoming an essential component of daily life" is more formal and precise, replacing the more casual "gradually becoming an indispensable part of our daily lives."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation: The essay does not address the task. The essay is about internet usage in three countries, not renewable energy consumption in the USA. The essay also does not follow the instructions of the task prompt. The essay is over 150 words and does not identify the main trends or make comparisons.

How to improve: The essay needs to be rewritten to address the task prompt. The essay should focus on the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008. The essay should identify the main trends and make comparisons where relevant. The essay should also be written in a clear and concise style, and it should be no more than 150 words.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents some organization of information regarding Internet usage in the USA, Canada, and Mexico; however, it lacks a clear overall progression and coherence. There are instances of inadequate referencing and substitution, leading to some repetition and confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, with some phrases appearing mechanical or inaccurate. Additionally, the paragraphing is not well-structured, making it difficult for the reader to follow the main ideas clearly.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding redundancy will improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next will help create a more cohesive overall structure. Finally, revising the essay for clarity and accuracy in referencing will strengthen the overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "skyrocketed," "breakthroughs"), the overall lexical resource is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "Inter" instead of "Internet") and word formation (e.g., "illustrate the rise" is awkwardly phrased). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message clearly. The use of vocabulary does not sufficiently convey precise meanings, and the essay lacks the flexibility and sophistication expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and varied terms. They should also focus on improving accuracy in word choice and collocation to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed clearly. Additionally, practicing spelling and word formation will help reduce errors that can impede communication. Reading more academic texts and incorporating new vocabulary into writing practice can also be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "the diagram compares all countries increase" are grammatically incorrect and can confuse the reader. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "Inter" instead of "Internet"). These issues can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences accurately. Practicing the correct use of punctuation and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can help improve overall accuracy and coherence in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the percentage of Internet users in three countries—USA, Canada, and Mexico—between 1999 and 2009.

Overall, Mexicans spent less time on the computer during the period shown; however, the diagram highlights the increase in Internet users across all three countries over the 10 years. This growth can be attributed to breakthroughs in science and technology, particularly smart devices, as well as the rising popularity of social networks.

In 1999, the proportion of people using the Internet in the USA was around 40 percent, while Canada and Mexico had approximately 20% and 5%, respectively. By 2003, Canada experienced significant growth, leading with about 70% of its population online, while US users lagged behind Canada, increasing to 50% during the period from 1999 to 2001. Mexico, although last, also showed a steady increase.

By 2009, the percentage of Internet users was highest in Canada, with nearly 100% of Canadians online. The USA demonstrated a stable rise, with the period from 2005 to 2009 witnessing a substantial increase to nearly 85%. Mexico reached over 40% of Internet users. While excessive use of smart devices may have drawbacks, it is undeniable that the Internet has permeated every aspect of life today, gradually becoming an indispensable part of our daily routines.