The diagram shows the manufacture of frozen fish pies

The given picture clearly depicts how frozen fish pies are produced.
Upon closer examination of the process, it becomes evident that the entire process consists of 3 distinct stages namely preparing the ingredients, mixing and wrapping, storing and dispatching.
To begin with the preparation of potatoes, they are deliveried by truck to a place where they are cleaned before being peeled and sliced (in which not only are they cleaned but also peeled and sliced before being boiled and chilled out). After that, they are boiled and chilled, then stored in a particular package to preserve . In terms of the preparatory stage of salmon, after being added lemon juice and salt, fresh salmon is steamed in an oven to be ready for next steps . Subsequently, salmon undergo a stage in which it has its skins and bones eliminated by workers to ensure quality before being inspected. Once salmon is qualified, it is mixed with prepared peas, prepared sauces and previously stored potatoes.
The subsequent steps commence with storing and dispatching. After being mixed, potatoes and fresh salmon are become a complete fusion called “fish pies”. Following that, fish pies are wrapped to serve for freezing which helps products are preserved longer in the lowest temperature. Finally, they are transferred to a specialized buiding to store and dispatch to ready to serve to end users.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"depicts how frozen fish pies are produced" -> "illustrates the production process of frozen fish pies"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Illustrates" is a more formal and precise term in this context.
"the entire process consists of 3 distinct stages namely" -> "comprises three distinct stages: namely"
Explanation: "Consists of" is slightly less formal. "Comprises" is more appropriate for academic writing. Also, "namely" is a more precise term for listing items.
"Upon closer examination of the process" -> "Upon closer examination of the procedure"
Explanation: "Process" is a common term but "procedure" is more specific in this context.
"deliveried by truck" -> "delivered via truck"
Explanation: "Deliveried" is incorrect. "Delivered via truck" is a more precise and formal phrase.
"in which not only are they cleaned but also peeled and sliced before being boiled and chilled out" -> "where they undergo cleaning, peeling, and slicing before being boiled and chilled"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. Simplifying it and using "undergo" makes it clearer and more concise.
"chilled, then stored in a particular package to preserve" -> "chilled, and then packaged to preserve freshness"
Explanation: Clarifying that the packaging preserves freshness enhances clarity.
"In terms of the preparatory stage of salmon" -> "Regarding the preparation of salmon"
Explanation: The original phrase is wordy. Simplifying it maintains clarity and formality.
"after being added lemon juice and salt" -> "after being seasoned with lemon juice and salt"
Explanation: "Added" is less precise. "Seasoned with" is a more accurate term for the process of adding ingredients for flavor.
"to be ready for next steps" -> "to prepare it for subsequent stages"
Explanation: "To be ready for next steps" is too colloquial. "Prepare it for subsequent stages" maintains formality and clarity.
"has its skins and bones eliminated by workers to ensure quality before being inspected" -> "undergoes skinning and boning by workers to ensure quality prior to inspection"
Explanation: "Has its skins and bones eliminated" is passive and less formal. "Undergoes skinning and boning" is clearer and more direct.
"Once salmon is qualified" -> "Once the salmon passes inspection"
Explanation: "Qualified" is ambiguous in this context. "Passes inspection" is clearer and more precise.
"mixed with prepared peas, prepared sauces" -> "combined with pre-prepared peas and sauces"
Explanation: "Mixed with" is less formal. "Combined with" is more appropriate for academic writing.
"products are preserved longer in the lowest temperature" -> "products are preserved for longer periods at low temperatures"
Explanation: "Preserved longer in the lowest temperature" is awkward and imprecise. "Preserved for longer periods at low temperatures" is clearer and more formal.
"transferred to a specialized buiding" -> "transferred to a specialized facility"
Explanation: "Buiding" is misspelled. "Facility" is a more precise and formal term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by outlining the three main stages of the frozen fish pie production process: preparing the ingredients, mixing and wrapping, and storing and dispatching. Each stage is briefly described, covering the key actions involved in producing the pies.
- How to improve: While the essay does address all parts of the question, it could benefit from providing more detailed explanations for each stage of the process. Adding specific details, such as quantities of ingredients, durations of cooking or chilling, or types of packaging used, would enhance the comprehensiveness of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout by focusing solely on describing the process of manufacturing frozen fish pies. There is no ambiguity regarding the essay’s position, as it consistently presents factual information about each stage of production without introducing personal opinions or unrelated content.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity and consistency, the essay could introduce a clear thesis statement at the beginning, explicitly stating the purpose of the essay and the main points it will cover. Additionally, maintaining a consistent level of detail and tone throughout the essay would help reinforce the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the production process clearly, extending them with descriptions of each stage and supporting them with specific actions and details. For example, it describes how potatoes and salmon are prepared before being mixed together to create fish pies, and it explains the purpose of wrapping the pies for freezing.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the essay could provide more elaborate descriptions of each stage, including additional details about the methods and equipment used. Providing examples or statistics related to the efficiency or effectiveness of certain processes could also strengthen the support for the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by focusing on the manufacture of frozen fish pies as depicted in the given diagram. However, there are some instances where the discussion briefly veers off track, such as mentioning the delivery of potatoes by truck without directly relating it to the production process.
- How to improve: To maintain better focus and relevance to the topic, the essay should ensure that all information provided directly contributes to the understanding of the fish pie manufacturing process. Avoiding tangential details or explanations that do not directly relate to the depicted process would help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, ensuring that all information provided is accurate and pertinent to the prompt will further strengthen the relevance of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical sequence, starting with an introduction to the process and then detailing each stage – preparation of potatoes, preparation of salmon, and storing and dispatching. However, the transitions between these stages could be smoother to enhance coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing potato preparation to salmon preparation could be better signaled.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each stage flows seamlessly into the next. Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect the stages more effectively. For example, instead of abruptly transitioning from discussing potato preparation to salmon preparation, you could use phrases like "Following the preparation of potatoes, the process moves on to salmon preparation," to create a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraph breaks, resulting in a dense block of text. Paragraphs help to organize ideas and improve readability. Although there is a distinction between the stages of the process, they are not visually separated into distinct paragraphs.
- How to improve: Break the essay into paragraphs to improve readability and clarity. Each paragraph should focus on one stage of the process, with a clear topic sentence to introduce the stage. For example, one paragraph could discuss the preparation of potatoes, another paragraph could focus on salmon preparation, and a third paragraph could address storing and dispatching.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "To begin with" and "Subsequently". However, there is limited variety, and some transitions could be improved for smoother coherence.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to improve coherence. Consider using a wider range of transition words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition," to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents the manufacturing process of frozen fish pies, there are opportunities for improvement in enhancing the logical organization, incorporating clear paragraph breaks, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to strengthen coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary related to the manufacturing process of frozen fish pies. The writer employs terminology such as "preparing," "mixing," "wrapping," "storing," and "dispatching" to describe the stages of production. Additionally, specific terms like "deliveried," "preparatory stage," "eliminated," "fusion," and "specialized building" contribute to the lexical variety.
- How to improve: While the essay uses a decent range of vocabulary, there is room for enhancement by incorporating more precise and varied terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "preparing," the writer could employ synonyms like "preparing," "processing," or "preparation." Utilizing synonyms and exploring more descriptive language could enrich the vocabulary further and elevate the essay’s lexical resource score.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at precise vocabulary usage, but there are instances where the choice of words could be improved for clarity and accuracy. For example, the term "deliveried" appears to be a typographical error, and "fusion" could be replaced with a more precise term like "mixture" or "blend." Additionally, the phrase "cleaned before being peeled and sliced (in which not only are they cleaned but also peeled and sliced before being boiled and chilled out)" is somewhat convoluted and could benefit from clearer expression.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, proofreading for typographical errors like "deliveried" is essential. Moreover, opting for clearer and more concise expressions can aid in conveying the intended meaning effectively. For instance, instead of using complex phrasing, the writer could simplify sentences for better readability and comprehension.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally accurate spelling throughout, with only minor errors such as "deliveried" (presumably meant to be "delivered") and "buiding" (likely intended as "building"). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, attention to detail in spelling is crucial for maintaining professionalism and clarity in written communication.
- How to improve: Employing spelling and grammar check tools or proofreading thoroughly before submission can help in identifying and correcting minor spelling errors. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and practicing regularly can contribute to improved spelling accuracy over time. Consistent attention to spelling details will ensure that the essay maintains a polished and professional presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using a variety of sentence structures. Simple sentences are predominant, with occasional complex structures such as "To begin with the preparation of potatoes, they are deliveried by truck to a place where they are cleaned before being peeled and sliced" and "Following that, fish pies are wrapped to serve for freezing which helps products are preserved longer in the lowest temperature." However, there’s limited use of more sophisticated structures like compound-complex sentences or conditional constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of sentence types, including compound and complex sentences. This can be achieved by varying sentence length, utilizing subordinate clauses, and employing transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates reasonable grammatical accuracy overall. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the text. For example, "deliveried" should be "delivered," "preparatory stage of salmon" could be better phrased as "preparation of salmon," and "fresh salmon are become" should be "fresh salmon becomes." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas before introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper word usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, such as missing or misplaced commas, can also help improve clarity and readability. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing with a focus on accuracy can aid in addressing these issues effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided illustration illustrates the production process of frozen fish pies, comprising three distinct stages: namely, preparing the ingredients, mixing and wrapping, and storing and dispatching.

Upon closer examination of the procedure, it becomes evident that the entire process consists of these three stages. Firstly, the ingredients are delivered via truck to a designated facility where they undergo cleaning, peeling, and slicing before being boiled and chilled. This ensures freshness and cleanliness. The potatoes, after being boiled and chilled, are then packaged to preserve their freshness.

Regarding the preparation of salmon, it begins with seasoning the fish with lemon juice and salt. Next, the salmon is steamed in an oven to prepare it for subsequent stages. Subsequently, workers remove the skin and bones to ensure quality before inspection. Once the salmon passes inspection, it is combined with pre-prepared peas and sauces.

The next stage involves mixing and wrapping. Potatoes and fresh salmon are mixed to create a complete fusion known as “fish pies”. These pies are then wrapped for freezing, which helps preserve the products for longer periods at low temperatures.

Finally, the wrapped fish pies are transferred to a specialized facility for storage and dispatching. From there, they are ready to be served to end-users.