The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. Write a report for a university or college lecturer describing the information.

The diagram illustrates the way in which how graduates enrolling in their universities. It can be seen that there are numerous steps in the process, consisting of three possible outcomes before obtaining admission.

The first step of the process commences with students being required to get their high school degree and fill out an application form which can be downloaded from a website. Then, the filled form and compile documentation are sent to the admin. At this point, there are 3 possibilities that the admin can create. The first one is getting provisional documentation as students are requested to complete additional documents over the period of 2 weeks.

In terms of the second outcome, students may be rejected from their aiming college, leading to 2 options which are cancelling their applications or changing it for alternative courses. On the contrary, when the enrollment is accepted after 2 weeks, students have to choose subjects and register with the Dean. Ultimately, they can officially enter their desired college.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the way in which how graduates enrolling in their universities." -> "The diagram illustrates the process by which graduates enroll in their universities."
Explanation: The phrase "the way in which how" is redundant and grammatically incorrect. "The process by which" is more precise and grammatically correct, aligning with formal academic style.
"It can be seen that there are numerous steps in the process, consisting of three possible outcomes before obtaining admission." -> "It is evident that the process involves several steps, resulting in three possible outcomes before admission."
Explanation: "It can be seen that" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is evident that" is more assertive and formal. Also, "consisting of" is replaced with "involves" to better describe the process.
"students being required to get their high school degree" -> "students required to obtain their high school diploma"
Explanation: "Get" is too informal for academic writing; "obtain" is more formal and precise. Also, "high school degree" is typically referred to as a "high school diploma" in formal contexts.
"fill out an application form which can be downloaded from a website" -> "complete an application form, which can be downloaded from the university’s website"
Explanation: "Fill out" is informal; "complete" is more formal. Adding "the university’s" specifies the source of the website, enhancing clarity and formality.
"compile documentation are sent" -> "compile the documentation and submit it"
Explanation: "Compile documentation are" is grammatically incorrect. "Compile the documentation and submit it" corrects the grammar and clarifies the action.
"The first one is getting provisional documentation" -> "The first option is receiving provisional documentation"
Explanation: "Getting" is too informal and vague; "receiving" is more precise and formal. Also, "option" is more appropriate than "one" in this context.
"over the period of 2 weeks" -> "within two weeks"
Explanation: "Over the period of 2 weeks" is verbose and slightly awkward; "within two weeks" is more concise and natural.
"students may be rejected from their aiming college" -> "students may be rejected by their target college"
Explanation: "Aiming college" is unclear and informal; "target college" is more precise and formal.
"cancelling their applications" -> "cancelling their applications"
Explanation: The verb "cancelling" should be in the gerund form "cancelling" to match the gerund form "changing" in the previous clause.
"changing it for alternative courses" -> "switching to alternative courses"
Explanation: "Changing it" is vague; "switching to" is more specific and formal.
"On the contrary, when the enrollment is accepted" -> "Conversely, upon acceptance of enrollment"
Explanation: "On the contrary" is less formal and slightly awkward; "Conversely" is more succinct and formal. "Upon acceptance of enrollment" clarifies the condition.
"students have to choose subjects and register with the Dean" -> "students must select subjects and register with the Dean"
Explanation: "Have to" is informal; "must" is more authoritative and formal. "Select" is also more precise than "choose" in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and it recounts details mechanically. The essay also presents key features/bullet points, but it inadequately covers them. For example, the essay does not mention the possibility of completing an application for an alternative course if the student is rejected.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the key features/bullet points, and providing more details about the process. The essay could also be improved by using more appropriate language and avoiding repetition. For example, the essay could use the phrase "the process begins with" instead of "the first step of the process commences with." The essay could also use the phrase "students are required to" instead of "students being required to."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the process of university entry, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the reader’s understanding. For instance, phrases like "the first step of the process commences" and "the admin can create" are not clearly connected to the subsequent ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the transitions between steps are not smooth, making it difficult to follow the logical sequence of the process.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly linking ideas with appropriate cohesive devices, ensuring that each step logically follows the previous one. Using more varied and precise transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the process. Additionally, organizing the information into distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the process would improve clarity. Finally, ensuring that all references are clear and that the overall structure is logical will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the general process of university entry, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. Phrases like "students are requested" and "the filled form and compile documentation" indicate a lack of precision and control in word choice. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in sentence structure and word formation, such as "the way in which how graduates enrolling" and "the admin can create," which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure correct usage of collocations. Additionally, focusing on improving sentence structure and reducing grammatical errors will contribute to clearer communication. Using synonyms and varying sentence patterns can also help to avoid repetition and enhance the overall sophistication of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent. Errors in grammar and punctuation are present, such as "the way in which how graduates enrolling" (which is awkwardly phrased) and "the filled form and compile documentation are sent" (which lacks parallel structure). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and fluency of the report.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures used. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that they are used correctly. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would help improve clarity. Incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the procedure for high school graduates enrolling in universities. It can be seen that there are several steps in the process, consisting of three possible outcomes before obtaining admission.

The first step of the process begins with students needing to obtain their high school diploma and fill out an application form, which can be downloaded from a website. Then, the completed form and accompanying documentation are sent to the administration. At this point, there are three possibilities that the administration can create. The first option is receiving provisional documentation, as students are required to complete additional documents within a period of two weeks.

Regarding the second outcome, students may be rejected from their chosen college, leading to two options: cancelling their applications or changing to alternative courses. Conversely, if the enrollment is accepted after two weeks, students must select their subjects and register with the Dean. Ultimately, they can officially enter their desired college.