The diagrams below show changes in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001.

The illustrations present how Felixstone in the UK developed between 1967 and 2001. Overall, the town became much modernized, most notably with the construction of more accommodation and fitness facilities.

There is a street running from the West to the East, dividing the map into two separate parts. Regarding the Northern area, in 1967, located on both sides of High Street was a row of shops. 34 years later, the right row was knocked down and replaced by an apartment block, while on the other side, the shopping zone was extended. In the Eastmost section, what once was farmland then turned into sport facilities serving a swimming pool and tennis courts, coupled with a new hotel in the Northeast corner. Meanwhile, the golf course lying on the left part remained intact.

Concerning the bottom part, opposite the sport section lied a beach divided into public and private areas, resulting in the destruction of a fish market and a marina connected with a pier to the Southwest of it, which was initially used for the dock of ships. The remaining part, despite the installation of a wind turbine system and a parking lot in the South and North in turn, there were not any developments in terms of landscape features and tourism facilities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The illustrations present how" -> "The maps illustrate how"
Explanation: "Illustrations" typically refers to visual representations of drawings or diagrams, not maps. Using "maps illustrate" corrects this misuse and aligns with the context of the text.
"developed between 1967 and 2001" -> "evolved between 1967 and 2001"
Explanation: "Developed" can imply a more complex process, whereas "evolved" specifically suggests a gradual change over time, which is more precise in this context.
"much modernized" -> "significantly modernized"
Explanation: "Much" is vague and informal; "significantly" provides a more precise and formal quantification of the extent of modernization.
"most notably with the construction of more accommodation and fitness facilities" -> "most notably through the construction of additional accommodation and fitness facilities"
Explanation: "More" is too vague and informal; "additional" is more specific and appropriate in academic writing. Also, "through" is more precise than "with" in describing the means by which changes occurred.
"a street running from the West to the East" -> "a street extending from west to east"
Explanation: "Extending" is a more formal and precise term than "running," and using "west to east" without articles is more commonly used in formal writing.
"Regarding the Northern area, in 1967, located on both sides of High Street was a row of shops." -> "In 1967, the Northern area featured a row of shops along both sides of High Street."
Explanation: Reordering the sentence improves clarity and flow, and removing "Regarding" makes the sentence more direct and formal.
"34 years later, the right row was knocked down and replaced by an apartment block" -> "34 years later, the right row was demolished and replaced by an apartment complex"
Explanation: "Demolished" is more precise than "knocked down," and "complex" is a more formal term than "block."
"the shopping zone was extended" -> "the shopping zone expanded"
Explanation: "Expanded" is a more formal and precise term than "extended" in this context.
"what once was farmland then turned into sport facilities" -> "what was previously agricultural land was converted into sports facilities"
Explanation: "Was previously agricultural land" is more formal and specific than "what once was farmland," and "converted" is a more precise verb than "turned."
"coupled with a new hotel in the Northeast corner" -> "accompanied by a new hotel in the northeastern corner"
Explanation: "Accompanied by" is more formal than "coupled with," and "northeastern" is a more precise directional term than "Northeast."
"opposite the sport section lied a beach" -> "opposite the sports facilities lay a beach"
Explanation: "Lay" is the correct verb for the past tense of "lie," and "sports facilities" is a more formal term than "sport section."
"resulting in the destruction of a fish market and a marina connected with a pier" -> "resulting in the demolition of a fish market and a marina connected to a pier"
Explanation: "Demolition" is more specific than "destruction," and "connected to" is more formal than "connected with."
"which was initially used for the dock of ships" -> "which initially served as a dock for ships"
Explanation: "Served as a dock for ships" is more formal and precise than "used for the dock of ships."
"despite the installation of a wind turbine system and a parking lot in the South and North in turn" -> "despite the installation of a wind turbine system and a parking lot in the south and north"
Explanation: Removing "in turn" corrects the redundancy and awkward phrasing, aligning with the formal style required in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in Felixstone between 1967 and 2001. It identifies the key features of the town, such as the shops, the golf course, and the beach, and describes how they changed over time. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the fish market and marina were destroyed, but the images show that they were simply replaced by a hotel and a public beach.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes that occurred in Felixstone. For example, the essay could mention the specific types of shops that were present in 1967 and 2001, or the size of the apartment block that was built. The essay could also provide more accurate information about the changes that occurred on the beach. For example, the essay could state that the fish market and marina were replaced by a hotel and a public beach, rather than being destroyed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner and shows a clear overall progression. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical. The referencing is not always clear, and there are moments where the paragraphing could be improved for better logical flow. The central topics within paragraphs are present but could be more distinctly articulated.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on varying their use of cohesive devices to avoid mechanical repetition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea can help improve clarity. More effective referencing and substitution techniques can reduce redundancy and improve the overall flow of the essay. Lastly, a more logical arrangement of ideas within paragraphs would contribute to a stronger progression of thought.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "modernized," "accommodation," and "facilities," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the right row was knocked down" and "the destruction of a fish market." While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, there are noticeable errors in word choice and some awkward constructions that detract from the overall fluency and precision expected at higher band levels. Additionally, there are minor spelling and grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as "the Eastmost section" and "the bottom part."

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can enhance fluency and flexibility. Additionally, paying attention to collocation and ensuring that phrases are used correctly will help avoid awkward constructions. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can further strengthen the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are noticeable grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing that can hinder communication. For example, phrases like "the right row was knocked down" and "the remaining part, despite the installation of a wind turbine system" could be rephrased for clarity and grammatical accuracy. Overall, the essay communicates the main ideas but contains errors that occasionally affect the reader’s understanding.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve grammatical range.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Clarity and Cohesion: Focus on improving the clarity of ideas by ensuring that sentences flow logically and are clearly connected.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation, as errors can disrupt the reading experience and lead to misunderstandings.

Bài sửa mẫu

The illustrations present how Felixstone in the UK developed between 1967 and 2001. Overall, the town became much more modernized, most notably with the construction of additional accommodation and fitness facilities.

There is a street running from the west to the east, dividing the map into two separate parts. Regarding the northern area, in 1967, located on both sides of High Street was a row of shops. Thirty-four years later, the row on the right was demolished and replaced by an apartment block, while on the other side, the shopping zone was expanded. In the easternmost section, what was once farmland transformed into sports facilities, including a swimming pool and tennis courts, along with a new hotel in the northeast corner. Meanwhile, the golf course on the left side remained intact.

Concerning the southern part, opposite the sports section lay a beach divided into public and private areas, resulting in the removal of a fish market and a marina connected to a pier to the southwest, which was initially used for docking ships. In the remaining area, despite the installation of a wind turbine system and a parking lot in the south and north respectively, there were no developments in terms of landscape features and tourism facilities.