the diagrams below show how sedimentary rock is formed in coastal areas.

The diagram illustrates the process of replacement from sedimentary rock to coastal.
Overall, there are three main stage in the coastal formation of sedimentary rock starting with stone in the mountain next to the river .
The coastal transformation of sedimentary rock is began at expansion of cracks and fissures, and breaking of rock by frozen rainwater .Furthermore , the rock and stone are dislodged from the mountain in mountainside, they are drowned in water. Stones or rocks could become pepples and sand grain, if they are eroded by water in long time. Moreover, Rocks that was carried away by downstream will be transported from the river, and flowed into the sea.
In the last period of coastal replacement of sedimentary rock, pebbles and grains are flowed by water including of water-born chemicals .In additon, pebbles and grains settle to sea bed , they become the layers of pebbles and sand grains . Finally, the mudstone is eventually formed by cementing of pebbles and grains.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the process of replacement from sedimentary rock to coastal." -> "The diagram illustrates the transformation of sedimentary rock into coastal formations."
Explanation: The term "replacement" is somewhat vague and can be misinterpreted. "Transformation" is more precise and commonly used in geological contexts, and "into coastal formations" clarifies the direction of the process.
"there are three main stage" -> "there are three main stages"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error of "stage" to "stages" to agree with the plural context.
"starting with stone in the mountain next to the river" -> "initiating with stone in the mountain adjacent to the river"
Explanation: "Initiating" is more specific and formal than "starting," and "adjacent to" is more precise than "next to" in describing spatial relationships.
"The coastal transformation of sedimentary rock is began at expansion of cracks and fissures, and breaking of rock by frozen rainwater." -> "The coastal transformation of sedimentary rock commences with the expansion of cracks and fissures, and the breaking of rock by frozen rainwater."
Explanation: "Commences" is more formal than "is began," and the addition of "the" before "expansion" and "breaking" clarifies that these are specific actions in the process.
"Furthermore, the rock and stone are dislodged from the mountain in mountainside, they are drowned in water." -> "Furthermore, the rock and stone are dislodged from the mountain’s slope and submerged in water."
Explanation: "Submerged" is more precise than "drowned," which can imply a more violent or sudden action. "Mountain’s slope" is more specific than "mountainside."
"Stones or rocks could become pepples and sand grain, if they are eroded by water in long time." -> "Stones or rocks may become pebbles and sand grains if they are eroded by water over a prolonged period."
Explanation: "May" is more academically appropriate than "could," and "over a prolonged period" is more formal than "in long time."
"Rocks that was carried away by downstream will be transported from the river, and flowed into the sea." -> "Rocks carried downstream are transported from the river and flow into the sea."
Explanation: "Carried downstream" is more direct and formal than "carried away by downstream," and "flow" is the correct verb form for the ongoing action of water movement.
"In the last period of coastal replacement of sedimentary rock, pebbles and grains are flowed by water including of water-born chemicals." -> "In the final stage of the coastal transformation of sedimentary rock, pebbles and grains are transported by water, which includes water-borne chemicals."
Explanation: "Transported" is more precise than "flowed," and "water-borne" is the correct term for substances carried by water, not "water-born."
"In additon, pebbles and grains settle to sea bed, they become the layers of pebbles and sand grains." -> "Additionally, pebbles and grains settle on the sea bed, forming layers of pebbles and sand grains."
Explanation: "Additionally" is the correct spelling, and "forming" is more precise than "become" in describing the process of layer formation.
"Finally, the mudstone is eventually formed by cementing of pebbles and grains." -> "Finally, the mudstone is ultimately formed through the cementation of pebbles and grains."
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more formal than "eventually," and "through the cementation" is a more precise and technical term than "by cementing."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the process, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay does present some key features, but it inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the process. The essay should also focus on the key features of the process, rather than just recounting details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding repetition. For example, instead of saying "rocks that was carried away by downstream will be transported from the river, and flowed into the sea," the essay could say "rocks are transported downstream by the river and deposited in the sea."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the formation of sedimentary rock in coastal areas, but it lacks overall coherence and clear progression. While there is an attempt to organize the information into stages, the transitions between ideas are often unclear, leading to a disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which contributes to confusion. For example, phrases like "the coastal transformation of sedimentary rock is began" are grammatically incorrect and disrupt the logical flow. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate different stages of the process, making it difficult for the reader to follow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific stage of the sedimentary rock formation process. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity in sentence construction will improve the overall readability of the essay. Finally, providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader through the progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of sedimentary rock formation, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "replacement from sedimentary rock to coastal," "the rock and stone are dislodged"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, the essay lacks the use of less common lexical items and does not show sufficient flexibility or precision in conveying ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and less common lexical items related to geological processes. Additionally, they should focus on improving accuracy in word choice and spelling, as well as enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Practicing the use of synonyms and more sophisticated phrases can also help convey precise meanings more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the coastal transformation of sedimentary rock is began" and "Rocks that was carried away" contain grammatical inaccuracies that detract from clarity. Additionally, punctuation errors are noted, such as in "In additon, pebbles and grains settle to sea bed , they become the layers," where a comma splice occurs.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence forms to demonstrate flexibility and control.
Grammar Accuracy: Review and correct verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to avoid errors like "is began" and "Rocks that was."
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage, to improve the overall flow and clarity of the writing.
Proofreading: Implement a proofreading strategy to catch and correct minor errors before submission, which can help reduce the frequency of mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process of sedimentary rock formation in coastal areas. Overall, there are three main stages in the coastal formation of sedimentary rock, beginning with stones in the mountains next to the river.

The transformation of sedimentary rock starts with the expansion of cracks and fissures, along with the breaking of rock due to frozen rainwater. Furthermore, the rock and stones are dislodged from the mountainside and subsequently submerged in water. Stones or rocks can become pebbles and sand grains if they are eroded by water over a long period. Moreover, rocks that are carried away downstream will be transported by the river and flow into the sea.

In the final stage of coastal sedimentary rock formation, pebbles and grains are carried by water, which includes waterborne chemicals. In addition, as pebbles and grains settle to the seabed, they form layers of pebbles and sand grains. Finally, mudstone is eventually formed through the cementation of pebbles and grains.