The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams compare the layout of the school site as it was in the year 2004 with a renewed site design for the year 2024.

Overall, It is evident that, in 2024, there were several changes to enhance infrastructure to accommodate more students, thanks to the development of a new parking area, and an additional school building.

Examining the diagram in greater detail, certain features remained unchanged in 2024, such as the unaltered main road, car park, and main entrance from the west-southern to the west-northern end. However, in 2024, an extra lobby connecting Building 1 and Building 2 was added east-south of the former, narrowing the path between these buildings compared to 2004. Thereafter, the path linking the entrance to the Sports field was removed, leaving it as a branch access between the new lobby and Building 3

Concerning the other parts of the maps, the additional road branched from the main road was constructed south of Buiding 2, leading to a second car park situated at the northeast corner of the site. However, this addition was necessitated by the downsizing of the sports field, which was relocated to the south side of car park 2.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"It is evident that" -> "Clearly"
Explanation: Replacing "It is evident that" with "Clearly" maintains clarity and conciseness, eliminating unnecessary wording.
"in 2024, there were several changes" -> "in 2024, numerous alterations took place"
Explanation: "There were several changes" can be replaced with "numerous alterations took place" to convey a more precise and formal tone, using a stronger verb ("took place") and avoiding the passive voice.
"thanks to" -> "owing to"
Explanation: "Thanks to" can be substituted with "owing to" for a more formal and sophisticated tone, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.
"Examining the diagram in greater detail" -> "Upon closer examination of the diagram"
Explanation: "Examining the diagram in greater detail" can be replaced with "Upon closer examination of the diagram" to introduce a more formal and academic tone.
"certain features remained unchanged" -> "specific features remained unaltered"
Explanation: "Certain features remained unchanged" can be replaced with "specific features remained unaltered" to add precision and formality to the statement.
"such as" -> "including"
Explanation: "Such as" can be substituted with "including" for a smoother transition and to maintain consistency in phrasing.
"east-south of the former" -> "to the east-south of the latter"
Explanation: "East-south of the former" can be replaced with "to the east-south of the latter" to clarify the relationship between the buildings and maintain grammatical correctness.
"narrowing the path between these buildings" -> "resulting in a narrower pathway between these structures"
Explanation: "Narrowing the path between these buildings" can be replaced with "resulting in a narrower pathway between these structures" to provide a more descriptive and precise explanation of the change.
"linking the entrance to the Sports field" -> "connecting the entrance to the Sports field"
Explanation: "Linking" can be replaced with "connecting" for a more precise description of the relationship between the entrance and the sports field.
"Concerning the other parts of the maps" -> "Regarding the remaining sections of the maps"
Explanation: "Concerning the other parts of the maps" can be replaced with "Regarding the remaining sections of the maps" for a more formal and structured expression.
"the additional road branched from the main road" -> "a supplementary road diverged from the main road"
Explanation: "The additional road branched from the main road" can be replaced with "a supplementary road diverged from the main road" to introduce a more sophisticated and varied vocabulary.
"this addition was necessitated by" -> "this addition was prompted by"
Explanation: "Necessitated by" can be substituted with "prompted by" for a more formal and precise expression of causation.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main changes to the school site layout from 2004 to 2024. Key features such as the addition of a new parking area, an extra school building, and the relocation of the sports field are clearly presented and compared. However, some details could be further extended to enhance clarity and coherence.
How to improve: To improve, consider providing more detailed descriptions of the changes, such as the size or capacity of the new parking area and school building, and how these changes affect the overall layout and functionality of the school site. Additionally, ensure that the comparisons between the 2004 and 2024 layouts are more explicitly stated for a stronger demonstration of Task Achievement.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, although there is slight overuse in certain areas. The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph.
How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from slightly reducing the use of cohesive devices in some areas to avoid slight overuse. Additionally, ensuring that the paragraphing is consistently logical and coherent throughout the essay would strengthen the overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary and terminology relevant to the topic. However, there are some inaccuracies and errors in spelling or word formation that might affect clarity but do not significantly impede communication. Examples include "west-southern," which might be more accurately described as "southwest," and "east-south," which could be simplified to "southeast." Additionally, "Buiding" instead of "Building" is a spelling error. While there is flexibility in vocabulary, there is a need for more precision and clarity in word choice to improve the overall cohesion and effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, consider the following recommendations:

Use a wider range of vocabulary with more precise meanings. This could include using terms that accurately reflect directions or relationships between different elements on the diagrams.
Pay closer attention to spelling and word formation to reduce errors. Proofreading and editing can help catch mistakes like "Buiding."
Work on the use of collocations and more natural phrasing. For example, "west-southern" could be replaced with "southwest," and "east-south" with "southeast." These adjustments will help the essay read more smoothly.
Experiment with using uncommon lexical items where appropriate, ensuring that they are used accurately and fit the context of the task.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation overall. It effectively uses a variety of complex structures, showcasing a range of sentence forms. The sentences are generally error-free, contributing to clear communication. However, there are some minor errors present, such as missing articles ("the" before "infrastructure") and slight awkwardness in phrasing ("thanks to the development of a new parking area, and an additional school building" could be smoother without the comma). Additionally, there are a few instances of repetitive phrasing ("east-south of the former" and "south of Building 2"), which slightly affect the fluency of the essay.

How to improve: To improve, pay close attention to article usage and phrasing to enhance coherence and fluency. Consider varying sentence structures further to avoid repetition and add more sophistication to the writing. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in grammar and punctuation can help ensure flawless communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the layout of a school site in 2004 and proposed changes for 2024. Overall, the comparison reveals significant alterations aimed at accommodating more students through infrastructure enhancements, including the addition of a new parking area and school building.

In 2024, certain elements remained unaltered, such as the main road, car park, and the main entrance from the west-southern to the west-northern end. However, notable modifications include the addition of an extra lobby connecting Building 1 and Building 2 to the east-south, which has narrowed the pathway between these structures compared to 2004. Subsequently, the path linking the entrance to the sports field was removed, now serving as a branch access between the new lobby and Building 3.

Regarding other areas of the site, a new road branching from the main road was constructed south of Building 2, leading to a second car park situated at the northeast corner. However, this addition was necessitated by the downsizing of the sports field, which was relocated to the south side of car park 2.