The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school.To what extent do you agree with this statement and why Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school.To what extent do you agree with this statement and why
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

The most significant lessons are often those gained from our family, surpassing the education we receive in school.

The primary reason for this is that parents possess the ability to instill good values in their children, fostering an environment that allows them to showcase their talents and develop a strong character. Since children spend a substantial amount of time with their family, parents can provide guidance and support more effectively. Additionally, they can offer valuable advice when their children face problems, making them feel understood and loved.

Conversely, growing up without family education is a negative trend that can have detrimental effects on children. This can lead to an increase in crime rates, as many individuals who lack family education often have a depressing past, having faced violence both in school and at home. As a result, they may struggle to adapt in school, society, and the workforce. Some individuals who lack family education may develop bad attitudes, leading to difficulties in finding employment, as companies value teamwork and solidarity. Such individuals may become divisive forces, hindering progress.

In conclusion, both family education and formal education are crucial for a child's development. While family plays a vital role in shaping values and character traits, formal schooling provides essential academic knowledge for success in today's society. It is essential to recognize the complementary nature of these two forms of education, rather than prioritizing one over the other.

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Errors and Improvements:

"surpassing" -> "exceeding"
Explanation: Replacing "surpassing" with "exceeding" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and precise term.
"The primary reason for this is that" -> "This is primarily because"
Explanation: The suggested alternative offers a more concise and formal transition between ideas.
"parents possess the ability to instill good values" -> "parents have the capacity to imbue positive values"
Explanation: "possess the ability" can be simplified to "have the capacity," and "instill good values" can be replaced with "imbue positive values" for a more formal tone.
"substantial amount of time" -> "considerable time"
Explanation: "Substantial amount of time" can be replaced with "considerable time" to enhance formality without sacrificing clarity.
"Additionally, they can offer valuable advice" -> "Moreover, they can provide invaluable guidance"
Explanation: "Additionally" can be replaced with "Moreover" for a smoother transition, and "valuable advice" can be replaced with "invaluable guidance" for a more formal tone.
"Conversely, growing up without family education is a negative trend" -> "Conversely, the absence of family education constitutes a detrimental trend"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, while "negative trend" is replaced with "detrimental trend" for precision.
"depressing past" -> "troubled background"
Explanation: "Depressing past" can be replaced with "troubled background" for a more formal and less emotionally charged term.
"Some individuals who lack family education may develop bad attitudes" -> "Certain individuals devoid of family education may adopt unfavorable dispositions"
Explanation: "Some" can be replaced with "Certain" for formality, and "develop bad attitudes" can be replaced with "adopt unfavorable dispositions" for precision and formality.
"leading to difficulties in finding employment" -> "resulting in challenges securing employment"
Explanation: "Leading to difficulties" can be replaced with "resulting in challenges" for a more formal expression, maintaining clarity.
"companies value teamwork and solidarity" -> "companies prioritize teamwork and solidarity"
Explanation: "Value" can be replaced with "prioritize" to convey a stronger emphasis in a more formal manner.
"Such individuals may become divisive forces, hindering progress" -> "Such individuals may pose as divisive elements, impeding progress"
Explanation: "Divisive forces" can be replaced with "divisive elements" for formality, and "hindering" can be replaced with "impeding" for precision.
"In conclusion," -> "To conclude,"
Explanation: "In conclusion," can be replaced with "To conclude," for variety and formality.
"both family education and formal education are crucial" -> "both familial upbringing and formal education are indispensable"
Explanation: "Family education" can be replaced with "familial upbringing" for variety and precision, and "crucial" can be replaced with "indispensable" for emphasis and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing the importance of education received from family compared to that from school. It acknowledges the significance of family education in instilling values and character traits, while also recognizing the importance of formal schooling for academic knowledge.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately covers the prompt, it could enhance its response by providing more specific examples or personal experiences related to the impact of family education versus school education. This would add depth to the argument and further strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that family education holds more significance than education received from school. This stance is consistently supported and reiterated throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion, ensuring that the reader has a clear understanding of the author’s viewpoint from the beginning to the end.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas with relevant arguments and examples. It elaborates on the role of family in instilling values and character traits, while also discussing the potential consequences of lacking family education.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could delve deeper into the specific ways in which family education influences an individual’s development and provide more detailed examples to illustrate these points. This would strengthen the argument and make it more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the relative importance of family education compared to education from school. However, there is a slight deviation in the concluding paragraph where the essay briefly mentions the complementary nature of both forms of education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points made in the conclusion directly relate back to the central argument of the essay. While acknowledging the complementary nature of family and formal education is relevant, it should be integrated more seamlessly into the overall discussion to avoid any perception of straying from the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. It begins with a strong thesis statement that sets the tone for the discussion, followed by well-developed paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, allowing for a smooth transition between ideas.
- How to improve: While the overall organization is effective, incorporating transitional phrases between paragraphs could further enhance coherence. These transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the flow of ideas and strengthen the connections between each argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, allowing for clarity and coherence in the presentation of ideas. The introduction provides an overview of the essay’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that delve into supporting arguments and examples. Finally, the conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the thesis.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, consider varying the length of paragraphs for added emphasis and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout. Examples include transition words like "conversely," "since," and "in conclusion," which help signal shifts between different parts of the argument. Additionally, cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "they") and parallel structure contribute to the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively, consider incorporating a wider variety of transitions to further enhance coherence. Experiment with synonyms and alternative phrases to avoid repetition and add nuance to the connections between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, including phrases such as "fostering an environment," "valuable advice," "detrimental effects," and "complementary nature." These terms are used appropriately to express different ideas and nuances.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more precise academic vocabulary related to education and social impacts. For instance, terms like "pedagogy," "socioeconomic repercussions," and "cultural upbringing" could elevate the sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary is generally precise, such as "instill good values," "face problems," and "divisive forces." These terms convey the intended meaning clearly.
- How to improve: Aim to avoid occasional imprecise expressions such as "negative trend" and "depressing past," which could be more accurately described as "detrimental societal phenomenon" and "traumatic upbringing," respectively. This adjustment would enhance the clarity and precision of your points.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is mostly accurate throughout the essay, with minor issues like "society" spelled correctly.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly, paying attention to words like "education," "individuals," and "difficulties." This practice will ensure that all words are spelled correctly and reduce the risk of minor errors.

In summary, your essay effectively utilizes a varied vocabulary to discuss the role of family and formal education. By refining the precision of your vocabulary and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy, you can elevate your Lexical Resource score further. Keep refining your vocabulary selection and continue practicing to achieve even greater clarity and accuracy in your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there is a mix of straightforward declarative sentences ("The primary reason for this is that parents possess the ability to instill good values in their children") along with more intricate compound-complex sentences ("Some individuals who lack family education may develop bad attitudes, leading to difficulties in finding employment, as companies value teamwork and solidarity"). This diversity enhances the readability and coherence of the essay, allowing for a nuanced exploration of the topic.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s expression, consider integrating rhetorical devices such as parallelism, rhetorical questions, or conditional clauses where appropriate. Additionally, varying the length and structure of sentences can add further depth and sophistication to the prose, creating a more engaging and persuasive argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. The sentences are mostly grammatically correct, and punctuation marks are used effectively to delineate ideas and enhance clarity. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as missing articles ("since children spend a substantial amount of time with their family") and subject-verb agreement issues ("This can lead to an increase in crime rates"). Despite these occasional lapses, the writer’s meaning remains clear, and these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, noun-pronoun agreement, and article usage. Proofreading the essay carefully can help catch and correct these minor errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify areas for improvement and practice writing grammatically correct sentences consistently.

Bài sửa mẫu

The education imparted by our families often exceeds the lessons learned in school.

In conclusion, both family education and formal education are crucial for a child’s development. While family plays a vital role in shaping values and character traits, formal schooling provides essential academic knowledge for success in today’s society. It is essential to recognize the complementary nature of these two forms of education, rather than prioritizing one over the other.