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The effects of social media on children

The effects of social media on children

Over-exposure to social media at a young age can negatively influence children’s perception of the world. As children are not fully developed and are still actively acquiring knowledge from their environments, they are particularly susceptible to misinformation. For example, as an infant, you surely dropped a toy and watched it fall to the ground. Do that over and over again with the same result, and your brain will generalize the phenomenon. This repetition facilitates you to construct a cognitive framework for gravity. This is how we come to understand the complexities of our world. Similarly, when children spend most of their time on social media, those platforms have inserted themselves into this critical process, changing what it means to perceive the world. Specifically, social media influences children’s cognitive understanding of the world by intercepting their experiences and how they interpret them. The problem is that in this day and age, social media is filled with fake news and other distorted portrayals of the world, such as unrealistic beauty standards and false claims about vaccination. The lack of adequate regulation and unrestricted access to social media has turned it into a place where fake news prevails. In short, excessive exposure to social media has the potential to distort children’s perception of the world.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Over-exposure to social media" -> "Excessive exposure to social media"
    Explanation: Replacing "Over-exposure" with "Excessive exposure" maintains formality and precision while avoiding the informal tone associated with the hyphenated term.

  2. "For example, as an infant, you surely dropped a toy" -> "For instance, as an infant, you likely dropped a toy"
    Explanation: Substituting "For example" with "For instance" contributes to a more formal expression. Additionally, replacing "surely" with "likely" maintains a neutral and objective tone.

  3. "facilitates you to construct" -> "facilitates the construction of"
    Explanation: Changing "facilitates you to construct" to "facilitates the construction of" improves the sentence’s structure, making it more academically precise and removing the informal use of "you."

  4. "Similarly, when children spend most of their time on social media, those platforms have inserted themselves" -> "Likewise, when children allocate a significant portion of their time to social media, these platforms have integrated themselves"
    Explanation: Substituting "Similarly" with "Likewise" enhances the formal tone. Replacing "spend most of their time" with "allocate a significant portion of their time" adds specificity and formality. Additionally, changing "those platforms" to "these platforms" ensures clarity and consistency.

  5. "The problem is that in this day and age" -> "A notable issue is that in contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing "The problem is that" with "A notable issue is that" elevates the formality of the sentence. The substitution of "in this day and age" with "in contemporary times" contributes to a more sophisticated expression.

  6. "fake news prevails" -> "misinformation proliferates"
    Explanation: Replacing "fake news prevails" with "misinformation proliferates" enhances the precision of the statement, avoiding colloquialism and maintaining an academically appropriate tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0 – UNDER WORD

  1. Quoted text: "Over-exposure to social media at a young age can negatively influence children’s perception of the world. As children are not fully developed and are still actively acquiring knowledge from their environments, they are particularly susceptible to misinformation."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the introduction acknowledges the potential negative impact of social media on children, it lacks specificity and depth. It would be more effective to provide concrete examples of how misinformation on social media can distort a child’s understanding of the world. For instance, you could illustrate this point by mentioning how false health information on social media might affect a child’s perception of vaccines or illnesses.
    • Improved example: "Excessive exposure to social media can distort children’s perception of the world, especially when misinformation is rampant. For instance, false claims about vaccinations circulating on social media may lead children to form misguided beliefs about their health."
  2. Quoted text: "Similarly, when children spend most of their time on social media, those platforms have inserted themselves into this critical process, changing what it means to perceive the world."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea presented here lacks development and is somewhat vague. To enhance this point, consider expanding on how social media alters the way children perceive the world. You could provide specific examples of content on social media that might shape their perceptions, such as idealized beauty standards or misleading portrayals of success.
    • Improved example: "The pervasive influence of social media on children’s perception is evident in the way platforms shape their ideals. For instance, constant exposure to images promoting unrealistic beauty standards may lead children to develop distorted views about body image and self-worth."
  3. Quoted text: "The problem is that in this day and age, social media is filled with fake news and other distorted portrayals of the world, such as unrealistic beauty standards and false claims about vaccination."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the essay touches upon the issue of fake news on social media, it lacks a thorough exploration. Consider delving deeper into the consequences of children believing in and spreading misinformation. Provide specific examples and elaborate on how these distortions can impact their behavior or attitudes.
    • Improved example: "The prevalence of fake news on social media is a pressing concern for children’s development. For instance, if children believe false claims about vaccination, it can not only affect their health decisions but also contribute to the spread of misinformation within their peer groups."

Overall, the essay would benefit from a more in-depth exploration of specific examples related to misinformation on social media, providing a clearer and more persuasive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. It introduces the idea of social media’s impact on children, uses relevant examples to illustrate the point, and concludes with a concise summary. The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronoun references, to connect ideas. Each paragraph revolves around a clear central topic, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is a minor issue with overuse of the term "perception of the world" in the concluding sentences, which could be diversified for better cohesion.

How to Improve:
To enhance coherence, consider varying the language used to express similar ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and precisely. While the essay demonstrates a strong foundation, careful proofreading and minor adjustments can elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, using a wide range of words fluently and flexibly. The writer effectively conveys precise meanings and skillfully employs uncommon lexical items. The essay maintains a sophisticated control of lexical features, with only rare minor errors that can be considered ‘slips’. The vocabulary is rich and enhances the overall quality of expression.

How to improve: While the essay excels in vocabulary, a slight improvement can be made by ensuring absolute precision in word choice and collocation. Reviewing the text for any potential inaccuracies, even minor ones, would elevate the already high level of lexical resource in the essay. Additionally, maintaining this excellent standard throughout the essay and minimizing any rare errors would contribute to achieving a perfect score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. The introduction uses complex sentences to discuss the influence of social media on children’s perception. Throughout the essay, the writer employs a mix of complex and simple sentence forms to convey ideas effectively. There is a good attempt at using diverse grammatical structures, and the sentences are generally error-free. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as in the phrase "This repetition facilitates you to construct a cognitive framework for gravity," where a more appropriate structure could be employed.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to sentence structures and ensure that complex sentences are used appropriately. Additionally, some phrases, such as "facilitates you to construct," could be revised for clarity and precision. Careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors will contribute to a more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Excessive exposure to social media can significantly impact how children perceive the world around them. Since children are still developing and actively absorbing information from their surroundings, they can easily fall prey to false information. For instance, as a baby, you might have dropped a toy multiple times and observed it falling to the ground consistently. Through this repetition, your brain formed a basic understanding of gravity. This process of repetition helps in building a framework for comprehending the world. Similarly, when kids spend a lot of time on social media, these platforms become deeply integrated into this crucial learning process, altering their perception of the world. This influence can affect how children interpret their experiences. The prevalent issue in today’s world is the abundance of misinformation on social media. False stories, unrealistic beauty standards, and incorrect facts about vaccinations are widespread. The absence of proper regulation and the unrestricted access to social media have transformed it into a hub for false information. In essence, excessive exposure to social media has the potential to distort children’s understanding of reality.

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