The expansion of multinational companies and the increase in globalisation create positive impacts for everyone. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

In recent days, some believe that the wilderness of multinational firms and the development of globalisation create many positive influences for individuals. From my perspective, I partly agree with this statement because the appearance of multinational businesses will create new employment opportunities for people. However, domestic companies may have to compete with these multinational giants.

On the one hand, the expansion of multinational firms will bear various high paid jobs. Generally, these companies spend a huge amount of money to pay for their employees each month, especially at the end of the year, multinational businesses may have many welfare benefits for their staff. Take Taka business for example, at the new years eve party, they buy travel tickets for their staff as presents because all of them had been working too hard the entire year. Globalisation will provide individuals with a wealth of knowledge in their field and help them update the world’s trends. This is because they may know what is happening with the world’s market and what the customers need so that they can maximise customer satisfaction.

On the other hand, domestic businesses may be outweighed by multinational giants because of their goods or services qualities and also their reputation. Globalisation businesses have a high level of recognition from consumers and users and people are more likely to trust these companies than other domestic businesses. For example, Unilever has conquered the goods market in many countries due to their high quality goods and domestic businesses like Linh business have to retreat in that same field. Domestic companies are likely not to update the world’s trend so their marketing strategies are ineffective to attract customers and users. Because of that, multinational firms can out-distance these companies easily.

In conclusion, the expansion of multinational enterprises and globalisation can pose positive effects on people. In contrast, they may pose a serious threat to domestic businesses.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In recent days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In recent days" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Currently" is a more concise and appropriate term to indicate the present time in an academic context.
"some believe that" -> "there is a belief that"
Explanation: "Some believe that" is a bit vague and lacks specificity. "There is a belief that" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"wilderness" -> "landscape"
Explanation: "Wilderness" typically refers to natural, undeveloped land. In this context, "landscape" better conveys the idea of the environment created by multinational firms and globalization.
"create many positive influences" -> "yield numerous positive impacts"
Explanation: "Create many positive influences" is a bit colloquial. "Yield numerous positive impacts" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic writing.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is somewhat informal for an academic essay. "In my view" is a more suitable phrase for expressing personal opinion in a formal context.
"partly agree with this statement" -> "partially concur with this assertion"
Explanation: "Partly agree with this statement" could be phrased more formally. "Partially concur with this assertion" maintains the meaning while using more academic language.
"the appearance of multinational businesses" -> "the emergence of multinational corporations"
Explanation: "The appearance of multinational businesses" is a bit vague. "The emergence of multinational corporations" is a more precise and formal phrase to describe their arrival or establishment.
"will create new employment opportunities" -> "will generate new employment prospects"
Explanation: "Create new employment opportunities" is somewhat repetitive. "Generate new employment prospects" is a more varied and formal expression.
"domestic companies may have to compete with these multinational giants" -> "domestic enterprises may find themselves in competition with these multinational behemoths"
Explanation: "Compete with these multinational giants" could be refined for more formal language. "Domestic enterprises may find themselves in competition with these multinational behemoths" adds clarity and sophistication to the statement.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is less direct and formal compared to "Firstly" when introducing a new point in an academic essay.
"will bear various high paid jobs" -> "will offer a plethora of well-compensated positions"
Explanation: "Bear various high paid jobs" lacks precision and formality. "Offer a plethora of well-compensated positions" is more specific and academically appropriate.
"they buy travel tickets for their staff as presents because all of them had been working too hard the entire year" -> "they provide travel tickets to their staff as gifts as a token of appreciation for their year-long dedication"
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative is more formal and clearly communicates the idea of rewarding hard work.
"This is because they may know what is happening with the world’s market and what the customers need so that they can maximise customer satisfaction." -> "This is due to their awareness of global market trends and customer needs, allowing them to optimize customer satisfaction."
Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and lacks precision. The suggested alternative is more concise and expresses the same idea in a clearer and more formal manner.
"On the other hand" -> "Secondly"
Explanation: Similar to the previous transition, "On the other hand" can be replaced with "Secondly" for a more formal and structured presentation of ideas.
"may be outweighed by multinational giants" -> "may be eclipsed by multinational titans"
Explanation: "Outweighed" is somewhat informal in this context. "Eclipsed" adds a more dramatic and formal tone, fitting for academic writing.
"qualities and also their reputation" -> "qualities as well as their reputation"
Explanation: "And also" is informal. "As well as" is a more formal alternative that maintains clarity and precision.
"have a high level of recognition" -> "enjoy a significant level of recognition"
Explanation: "Have a high level of recognition" can be made more formal by using "enjoy a significant level of recognition."
"are likely not to update" -> "are unlikely to update"
Explanation: "Are likely not to update" is somewhat awkward. "Are unlikely to update" is more concise and grammatically correct.
"so their marketing strategies are ineffective to attract customers and users" -> "rendering their marketing strategies ineffective in attracting customers and users"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed. The suggested alternative is more concise and maintains formal language while expressing the same idea more clearly.
"multinational firms can out-distance these companies easily" -> "multinational firms can easily surpass these companies"
Explanation: "Out-distance" is a bit informal. "Surpass" is a more formal alternative that maintains clarity and precision.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common phrase, but "To conclude" is slightly more formal and can add variety to the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of multinational companies and globalization, acknowledging both positive and negative aspects. It discusses the creation of job opportunities as a positive outcome while also recognizing the potential threat to domestic businesses.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each perspective is fully developed and supported with evidence. Additionally, consider exploring nuances within each viewpoint to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position, stating that the writer "partly agrees" with the statement. However, this stance could be more explicitly stated in the introduction and reinforced throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, clearly state the writer’s stance in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay by directly addressing the prompt’s question.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some development and supports them with examples, such as the mention of job benefits provided by multinational companies and the example of Unilever’s success. However, some ideas could be further extended and elaborated for greater depth.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, provide more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen arguments. Additionally, consider exploring counterarguments to provide a more balanced perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the impact of multinational companies and globalization on individuals and domestic businesses. However, there are some instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as the elaboration on job benefits.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt and avoid tangential discussions. Additionally, use topic sentences to clearly signal the main point of each paragraph.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and effectively addresses key points. To improve, focus on fully developing ideas, maintaining clarity of position, and staying closely aligned with the prompt throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that presents the writer’s position, followed by body paragraphs that discuss the positive impacts of multinational companies and globalization, as well as the negative impacts on domestic businesses. The conclusion restates the writer’s opinion. However, there are instances where the ideas could be better linked to improve coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. For example, in the second body paragraph, transitioning from the positive impacts of multinational companies to the negative impacts on domestic businesses could be smoother.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the positive impacts of multinational companies, the negative impacts on domestic businesses, and the conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be more cohesive internally.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that topic. Additionally, use transitions between paragraphs to create a more coherent overall structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("these companies," "their goods") and conjunctions ("because," "however," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and effectiveness of these devices.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms ("these businesses," "their products") and different types of conjunctions ("furthermore," "on the other hand"). This will help to create a more cohesive and engaging essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there are areas where improvements could be made to enhance the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas, the writer can improve the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the author employing diverse lexical choices to express ideas throughout the essay. For instance, varied terms such as "wilderness" to describe the proliferation of multinational companies and "out-distance" to convey the competitive advantage of multinational firms showcase lexical diversity.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively employs a wide range of vocabulary, further enrichment can be achieved by incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "high paid jobs," consider using "lucrative employment opportunities" or "well-remunerated positions" to elevate the lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where the usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "may be outweighed by multinational giants because of their goods or services qualities" could be refined for clarity and precision. Additionally, the expression "high level of recognition" could be substituted with a more precise term like "prominence" or "prestige" to enhance lexical precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys intended meanings. Utilize synonyms and nuanced language to express ideas with clarity and specificity. Additionally, pay close attention to the context in which words are used to ensure they align accurately with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with minor instances of errors such as "new years eve" (New Year’s Eve) and "Taka" (Tacca). While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence and readability of the essay, attention to detail in spelling accuracy can further enhance the professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling conventions and pay careful attention to proper nouns and idiomatic expressions to ensure accurate representation in the text.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of variety, such as the use of introductory phrases ("In recent days," "On the one hand," "On the other hand") and dependent clauses ("because they may know," "because of their goods or services qualities"). However, further diversification could enhance the essay’s sophistication and fluency.
- How to improve: To improve, aim to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including complex-compound sentences and varied sentence beginnings. Additionally, consider using rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion to add nuance and depth to your arguments. For instance, instead of relying solely on basic transition phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," experiment with more advanced transitions like "contrary to this perspective" or "however, it should be noted."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, "the wilderness of multinational firms" should be "the expansion of multinational firms," and "they buy travel tickets for their staff as presents because all of them had been working too hard the entire year" could be revised for clarity and grammatical accuracy ("they purchase travel tickets as gifts for their staff, acknowledging their hard work throughout the year"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency, proofread your essay carefully for errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences and proper capitalization in formal writing. Practice incorporating these conventions into your writing to improve clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there is a belief that the landscape of multinational corporations and the trend of globalization yield numerous positive impacts. In my view, I partially concur with this assertion because the emergence of multinational corporations will generate new employment prospects, although domestic enterprises may find themselves in competition with these multinational behemoths.

Currently, the expansion of multinational corporations will offer a plethora of well-compensated positions. They provide travel tickets to their staff as gifts as a token of appreciation for their year-long dedication. This is due to their awareness of global market trends and customer needs, allowing them to optimize customer satisfaction.

Furthermore, domestic enterprises may be eclipsed by multinational titans due to their qualities as well as their reputation. Multinational firms enjoy a significant level of recognition and are unlikely to update, rendering their marketing strategies ineffective in attracting customers and users. For example, Unilever, a multinational giant, has conquered the goods market in many countries due to its high-quality goods, while domestic businesses like Linh business may struggle to compete in the same field.

In conclusion, while the expansion of multinational enterprises and globalization may yield positive effects, they may also pose a serious threat to domestic businesses.