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the expansion of multinational companies and the increase in globalization create positive impacts for everyone. DO you agree or disagree with this statement ?

the expansion of multinational companies and the increase in globalization create positive impacts for everyone. DO you agree or disagree with this statement ?

These days, it is widely debatable whether the enlargement of multinational firm and globalization have beneficial influence for dwellers. In my opinion, while I agree with this advantages, I receive that there are many drawback of this issues

On the one hand, there are many advantages of multinational companies, the initial of which is to enhance the life quality of residents. Because the multinational companies construct their branches in many different countries, so the high level of workforce may he required. This leads to the increased of job opportunities by hiring a great deal of local staffs to run for business, resulting in the improvement of quality in human life. Moreover, a lot of developing and undeveloped nations in over the world have signed commercial policies specially goods. From there, it would reduce tariffs and easier transport to many different countries so that these nations can trade merchandises and technology easier. Thus, inhabitants can easily access to diverse products with satisfied quality by purchasing imported stuffs with lower cost.

On the other hand, there are two main drawback of globalization and multinational corporations. Firstly, the building factories in a variety of countries for expanding branches, resulting in the production of manufacturing to produce products. Hence, the large amount of carbon dioxide emitted in atmosphere, creating global warming and acid rain by air pollution. Secondly, employees working in multinational countries derive from many different countries around the world, so they have different opinions and ideas when having contrast between cultures and languages. Therefore, it would be impacted on the quality of jobs in companies because of causing the cultural conflict.

In conclusion, although there are such positive effects of the increased globalization as improve the quality of human life and easily access to diverse satisfied quality products, the enlargement of multinational firm is much more detrimental when it can lead to air pollution and cause cultural conflict


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "it is widely debatable whether" -> "there is widespread debate over whether"
    Explanation: Replacing "it is widely debatable whether" with "there is widespread debate over whether" provides a more formal and concise expression of the idea.

  2. "have beneficial influence for dwellers" -> "benefit residents"
    Explanation: Simplifying "have beneficial influence for dwellers" to "benefit residents" maintains clarity and removes unnecessary complexity.

  3. "In my opinion, while I agree with this advantages" -> "In my view, although I acknowledge these advantages"
    Explanation: Replacing "In my opinion, while I agree with this advantages" with "In my view, although I acknowledge these advantages" improves the formality and precision of the statement.

  4. "receive that there are many drawback of this issues" -> "acknowledge that there are several drawbacks to this phenomenon"
    Explanation: Substituting "receive that there are many drawback of this issues" with "acknowledge that there are several drawbacks to this phenomenon" enhances the academic tone and clarity.

  5. "there are many advantages of multinational companies" -> "multinational companies offer numerous advantages"
    Explanation: Changing "there are many advantages of multinational companies" to "multinational companies offer numerous advantages" conveys the idea more succinctly and with greater formality.

  6. "the initial of which is to enhance the life quality of residents" -> "the primary aim of which is to enhance residents’ quality of life"
    Explanation: Replacing "the initial of which is to enhance the life quality of residents" with "the primary aim of which is to enhance residents’ quality of life" results in a more refined expression.

  7. "high level of workforce may he required" -> "a substantial workforce may be required"
    Explanation: Substituting "high level of workforce may he required" with "a substantial workforce may be required" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.

  8. "increased of job opportunities" -> "increased job opportunities"
    Explanation: Correcting "increased of job opportunities" to "increased job opportunities" ensures grammatical accuracy and a more polished expression.

  9. "many developing and undeveloped nations in over the world" -> "numerous developing and undeveloped nations worldwide"
    Explanation: Changing "many developing and undeveloped nations in over the world" to "numerous developing and undeveloped nations worldwide" enhances conciseness and formality.

  10. "it would reduce tariffs and easier transport" -> "it would reduce tariffs and facilitate easier transport"
    Explanation: Substituting "it would reduce tariffs and easier transport" with "it would reduce tariffs and facilitate easier transport" improves the flow and formality of the sentence.

  11. "inhabitants can easily access to diverse products" -> "inhabitants can easily access a variety of products"
    Explanation: Correcting "inhabitants can easily access to diverse products" to "inhabitants can easily access a variety of products" ensures grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  12. "purchasing imported stuffs with lower cost" -> "acquiring imported goods at a lower cost"
    Explanation: Replacing "purchasing imported stuffs with lower cost" with "acquiring imported goods at a lower cost" results in a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "two main drawback of globalization" -> "two primary drawbacks of globalization"
    Explanation: Changing "two main drawback of globalization" to "two primary drawbacks of globalization" enhances formality and precision.

  14. "resulting in the production of manufacturing to produce products" -> "leading to increased manufacturing production"
    Explanation: Correcting "resulting in the production of manufacturing to produce products" to "leading to increased manufacturing production" improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  15. "Secondly, employees working in multinational countries derive from many different countries" -> "Secondly, employees in multinational corporations hail from diverse countries"
    Explanation: Substituting "employees working in multinational countries derive from many different countries" with "employees in multinational corporations hail from diverse countries" improves clarity and formality.

  16. "it would be impacted on the quality of jobs" -> "it would impact the quality of jobs"
    Explanation: Correcting "it would be impacted on the quality of jobs" to "it would impact the quality of jobs" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  17. "because of causing the cultural conflict" -> "due to cultural conflicts"
    Explanation: Changing "because of causing the cultural conflict" to "due to cultural conflicts" results in a more concise and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does attempt to address both sides of the argument, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of the expansion of multinational companies and globalization. However, the treatment of each side is uneven, with a more extensive discussion of the advantages. Additionally, the introduction is somewhat convoluted and lacks clarity in presenting the essay’s stance.
    • How to improve: The introduction should clearly state the writer’s position and provide a roadmap for the essay. To enhance balance, ensure that the disadvantages are given as much attention as the advantages. Provide specific examples to support each point and avoid generalizations.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to present a position, the clarity is compromised by the use of language that is not always precise. For instance, in the introduction, the writer mentions agreeing with the advantages but then immediately introduces drawbacks. This creates ambiguity regarding the overall stance.
    • How to improve: Clearly articulate the position in the introduction and maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay. Use precise language to avoid confusion, and consider presenting the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs to enhance clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. There is a need for more depth in explaining the advantages and disadvantages, and specific examples or evidence should be incorporated to strengthen the arguments. The ideas are somewhat repetitive, and the organization could be improved for better coherence.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each point with relevant details and examples. Avoid redundancy and ensure a logical progression of ideas. Create a more structured essay with distinct paragraphs for each point, enhancing the overall coherence.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of multinational companies and globalization. However, there are instances of unclear expression, which might lead to slight deviations in focus.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the clarity of expression to avoid any ambiguity. Make sure each point directly relates to the topic and supports the overall argument. Review the essay for coherence and relevance.

In summary, while the essay does address both sides of the argument, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, depth of analysis, and organization. Strengthening the presentation of ideas with specific examples and ensuring a consistent stance will contribute to a more effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a somewhat clear organization of ideas. The introduction establishes the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present both positive and negative aspects of multinational companies and globalization. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, and the overall progression lacks a stronger sense of cohesion. For instance, the shift from the advantages to the disadvantages is abrupt, affecting the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a more structured roadmap in the introduction. Clearly outline the points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. Additionally, use transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through the progression of ideas more smoothly. For example, phrases like "On the positive side," or "Conversely," can help signal transitions.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are used, but their effectiveness varies. While there is an attempt to separate ideas into distinct paragraphs, some paragraphs contain multiple points, making it challenging for the reader to follow. Paragraphs could benefit from more unity and coherence within themselves.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater clarity and unity within each paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop and elaborate on that idea within the paragraph, providing supporting details and examples. Ensure a smooth transition from one paragraph to the next to maintain a coherent overall structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to indicate contrasting points. However, the variety and frequency of cohesive devices could be increased for a more seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. This would strengthen the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Employ transition words and phrases like "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "In conclusion" to guide the reader through the different sections of the essay. This will create a more cohesive and interconnected piece of writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more polished and well-connected essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use a variety of words and phrases, but some repetition of vocabulary limits the diversity. For instance, the repeated use of "multinational companies" and "globalization" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative phrases to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, the choice of words, while generally appropriate, lacks precision in some instances, affecting the overall richness of vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To widen the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions for key terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "multinational companies," use alternatives like "international corporations" or "global enterprises." Be cautious of repetition and aim for a more nuanced selection of words to elevate the overall lexical variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where word choices could be more accurate. For example, in the sentence "the initial of which is to enhance the life quality of residents," the term "initial" may not be the most precise choice. Furthermore, there is imprecise usage in phrases like "sign commercial policies specially goods," which could be clarified for better understanding.
    • How to improve: Strive for greater precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Replace vague terms with more specific ones. For instance, instead of "initial," consider using "primary" or "fundamental." Moreover, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clear. In the mentioned phrase, consider revising it to "sign commercial agreements, especially regarding goods."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory, with a few minor errors such as "he" instead of "be," "derivative" instead of "derive," and missing articles like "the." While the errors do not severely impede understanding, attention to these details would enhance the overall written expression.
    • How to improve: Review your writing for common spelling mistakes and proofread carefully. Pay attention to articles, verb forms, and word choice. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software to catch and correct these errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from others to identify areas for improvement in spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4.5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited range of sentence structures. Simple sentence structures dominate, with occasional use of compound sentences. There’s a need for more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or sentences with varied clauses, to enhance fluency and coherence. The essay lacks diversity in sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to a somewhat monotonous rhythm.
    • How to improve: Introduce a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Experiment with using complex sentences, incorporating subordinate clauses, and varying the length of your sentences. This will contribute to a more dynamic and sophisticated writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair command of grammar and punctuation, but there are noticeable errors. Subject-verb agreement issues are present, such as "the high level of workforce may he required." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, like missing commas in certain places. Some sentences lack clarity due to grammatical inaccuracies.
    • How to improve: Carefully review and revise your writing to ensure proper subject-verb agreement and correct punctuation. Specifically, pay attention to comma usage for separating clauses and improving overall sentence clarity. Practice proofreading to identify and correct these errors before finalizing your essay.

In summary, the essay exhibits potential but falls short in demonstrating a wide range of sentence structures and maintaining consistent grammatical accuracy. To improve, focus on diversifying sentence structures for a more engaging writing style and refine grammar and punctuation skills through careful proofreading and revision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The expansion of multinational companies and the increase in globalization is a topic of widespread debate regarding whether it brings positive impacts for residents. In my view, although I acknowledge these advantages, I also recognize that there are several drawbacks to this phenomenon.

On one hand, multinational companies offer numerous advantages, the primary aim of which is to enhance residents’ quality of life. As these companies establish branches in various countries, a substantial workforce may be required. This, in turn, increases job opportunities by hiring local staff to run the business, ultimately improving the quality of human life. Additionally, many developing and undeveloped nations worldwide have signed commercial policies, particularly related to goods. Consequently, this would reduce tariffs and facilitate easier transport to different countries, enabling nations to trade products and technology more efficiently. Thus, inhabitants can easily access a variety of products with satisfactory quality at a lower cost by purchasing imported goods.

On the other hand, there are two primary drawbacks of globalization and multinational corporations. Firstly, the construction of factories in various countries to expand branches leads to increased manufacturing production. This, unfortunately, results in the emission of a large amount of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, contributing to global warming and acid rain through air pollution. Secondly, employees in multinational corporations come from diverse countries, leading to differences in opinions and ideas due to contrasting cultures and languages. Consequently, this diversity can impact the quality of jobs within companies, often causing cultural conflicts.

In conclusion, while there are positive effects of increased globalization, such as an improvement in the quality of human life and easier access to diverse, high-quality products, the expansion of multinational firms can be more detrimental. It can lead to air pollution through increased manufacturing, as well as cause cultural conflicts within the workforce.

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