The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first given line chart indicates data about the purchase by the UK parents on their children's sport activities over the 6-year interval starting in 2008. Meanwhile, the next line chart demonstrates the quantity of children who take part in three distinct sports in the United Kingdom during the same period.
Overall, it occurs a increasing trendy in both line graphs. From 2008 to 2014, the amount of money which was spent on children's sport by their parents grew gradually while the second chart illustrates the different rises in football, athletics and swimming.
In 2008, there was total 20 pounds spent on children's sport fee. The number of this kind of spending steadily climbed up to around 32 pounds at the end of period.
The number of children who interested in football was above 7.5 million in the first three years. After experienced a slight increase between 2010 and 2012, it began to climb up to around 8.5 million of paticipants.
In 2008, there was around below 2.5 million of children decided to engage in swimming. The number of young generation chose to swim slightly increased at 3.5 millions after 6 years. At the beginning of the period, athlectics was chosen by only around 0.5 millions of the youth. Remarkably, the number of children who play athletics was around 1 million in 2010 and dramatically increased at 5 million in 2012. After two following years, it slightly decreased back to the below 5 million level.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the purchase by the UK parents on their children’s sport activities" -> "the expenditures of UK parents on their children’s sports activities"
   Explanation: "Expenditures" is a more formal term than "purchase," which is more appropriate for an academic context. Additionally, "sports" is the correct plural form when referring to multiple activities.

2. "occurs a increasing trendy" -> "exhibits an increasing trend"
   Explanation: "Exhibits" is a more precise verb than "occurs," and "an increasing trend" is the correct phrase, improving clarity and formality.

3. "the amount of money which was spent on children’s sport by their parents grew gradually" -> "the amount of money spent by parents on children’s sports gradually increased"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and maintains a more formal tone by removing "which was" and restructuring the sentence for better flow.

4. "the number of this kind of spending steadily climbed up to around 32 pounds at the end of period" -> "the amount of this expenditure steadily rose to approximately 32 pounds by the end of the period"
   Explanation: "Expenditure" is a more formal term than "spending," and "rose" is a more precise verb than "climbed up." "Approximately" is a more academic alternative to "around," and "by the end of the period" clarifies the timeframe.

5. "who interested in football" -> "who were interested in football"
   Explanation: The verb "were" is necessary for grammatical accuracy, as it indicates the past tense.

6. "After experienced a slight increase" -> "After experiencing a slight increase"
   Explanation: "Experiencing" is the correct gerund form needed here to maintain grammatical structure.

7. "around below 2.5 million of children decided to engage in swimming" -> "approximately 2.5 million children chose to participate in swimming"
   Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal alternative to "around below," and "chose to participate" is clearer and more precise than "decided to engage."

8. "young generation chose to swim slightly increased at 3.5 millions" -> "the number of children participating in swimming slightly increased to 3.5 million"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and corrects "millions" to "million" for grammatical accuracy.

9. "athlectics was chosen by only around 0.5 millions of the youth" -> "athletics was chosen by only approximately 0.5 million youth"
   Explanation: "Athletics" is the correct spelling, and "approximately" is a more formal choice than "around." "Million" should be singular.

10. "the number of children who play athletics was around 1 million in 2010 and dramatically increased at 5 million in 2012" -> "the number of children participating in athletics was approximately 1 million in 2010 and dramatically increased to 5 million in 2012"
    Explanation: "Participating in" is more precise than "who play," and "to" is the correct preposition to indicate the increase.

11. "After two following years, it slightly decreased back to the below 5 million level" -> "After the subsequent two years, it slightly decreased to below the 5 million level"
    Explanation: "Subsequent" is a more formal term than "following," and "to below" is clearer than "back to the below."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the data presented in the charts, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data, and it does not adequately highlight the key features of the charts. For example, the essay states that the number of children who participate in football was above 7.5 million in the first three years, but it does not mention that the number of participants remained relatively stable during this period. The essay also does not adequately compare the data from the two charts.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the charts, and making more comparisons between the data from the two charts. For example, the essay could state that the number of children who participate in football remained relatively stable between 2008 and 2012, while the number of children who participate in athletics increased significantly during this period. The essay could also compare the trends in spending on children’s sports with the trends in participation in different sports.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. There is some use of cohesive devices, but they are often inadequate or inaccurate, resulting in a repetitive narrative. Paragraphing is present but not effectively structured, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help in guiding the reader through the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically progresses from one idea to the next will improve the overall organization. Finally, refining the use of paragraphing to reflect distinct points or comparisons will contribute to a more coherent structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "engage," "distinct"), the overall word choice is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "athlectics," "paticipants") and word formation, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay lacks the sophistication and flexibility required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied word choices. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and word formation is crucial. Using synonyms and avoiding repetition can also improve the overall quality of the vocabulary used. Finally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can help convey meanings more fluently and flexibly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. While there are some correct structures, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "there was total 20 pounds" and "the number of this kind of spending steadily climbed up" contain errors that affect clarity. Additionally, the use of "athlectics" instead of "athletics" and "paticipants" instead of "participants" indicates a lack of attention to detail in spelling and accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range by incorporating more complex sentence structures accurately. They should also aim for greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation, ensuring that sentences are error-free. Proofreading for spelling mistakes and clarity would enhance overall communication. Practicing varied sentence forms and ensuring correct usage of articles and prepositions would also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The first given line chart indicates data about the expenditure by UK parents on their children’s sports activities over a six-year period starting in 2008. Meanwhile, the next line chart demonstrates the number of children who participated in three distinct sports in the United Kingdom during the same timeframe. Overall, there is an increasing trend in both line graphs. From 2008 to 2014, the amount of money spent on children’s sports by their parents grew gradually, while the second chart illustrates the varying rises in football, athletics, and swimming.

In 2008, a total of £20 was spent on children’s sports fees. This expenditure steadily climbed to around £32 by the end of the period. The number of children interested in football was above 7.5 million in the first three years. After experiencing a slight increase between 2010 and 2012, it began to rise to approximately 8.5 million participants.

In 2008, there were just below 2.5 million children who decided to engage in swimming. The number of young individuals who chose to swim slightly increased to 3.5 million after six years. At the beginning of the period, athletics was chosen by only around 0.5 million youths. Remarkably, the number of children participating in athletics rose to around 1 million in 2010 and dramatically increased to 5 million in 2012. After the following two years, it slightly decreased back to below the 5 million level.