The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

The given graphs reveals the proportion of undertaking various domestic chores based on genders and the average time of them spent on every assignments on a daily basis in a country.
Overall, one of the most features facilitates to observe that cooking and cleaning are two tasks, accounting for the greatest percentage and comsuming the immense time fund of both males and females, while the remaining group displays a more modest position. Furthermore, it also shows the burden of household works on women to be higher than men.
A glance of the first chart, approximately 60% males were responsible for cooking, lower than roughly 22% comprared to females. This ratio was also repeated with the cleaning task, as the quantity of men engaged in this activity, just around 40%, while this figure exhibited 62% in the rest of gender. Despite taking the lead in the aforementioned chores, the other positions was held by men, particularly achieved 22% and 18% in pet care as well as house repairs, respectively.
Turning attention to the second graph, spending time on each task is propotional its percentage. Specifically, females took about 85 mininutes everyday at the kitchen space and 68 mininutes in cleaning, whereas males performed a slight decrease data, in turn of one hour and 45 mininutes. On the contrary, those tasks which require to be more physical strength and technical knowledge was dominated by men, approximately tripled than women. The last light point of this graph belonged to taking care of pets, because it showed an equal time for both genders.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"reveals" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: Replacing "reveals" with "illustrates" adds a more formal and descriptive tone to the sentence, enhancing the clarity of the information presented in the graphs.
"tasks, accounting for the greatest percentage and comsuming" -> "tasks, representing the highest proportion and consuming"
Explanation: Using "representing the highest proportion" instead of "accounting for the greatest percentage" and "consuming" instead of "comsuming" improves the precision and fluency of the sentence.
"burden of household works" -> "burden of household chores"
Explanation: "Chores" is a more commonly used term to refer to household tasks, making the phrase "burden of household chores" more natural and appropriate in this context.
"approximately 60% males" -> "around 60% of males"
Explanation: Adding "of" after the percentage value makes the sentence grammatically correct and more precise in indicating the proportion of males responsible for cooking.
"comprared to" -> "compared to"
Explanation: "Compared to" is the correct spelling and usage in comparing two values or groups, making the sentence more accurate and professional.
"mininutes" -> "minutes"
Explanation: "Minutes" is the correct spelling of the unit of time, ensuring accuracy and clarity in the description of the time spent on different tasks in the graphs.
"propotional its percentage" -> "proportional to its percentage"
Explanation: Using "proportional to its percentage" clarifies the relationship between the time spent on each task and its corresponding percentage, making the sentence more coherent and precise.
"a slight decrease data" -> "a slight decrease in data"
Explanation: Adding "in" after "decrease" corrects the sentence structure and makes it grammatically accurate, improving the flow and readability of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the presented in the charts. It clearly presents the key features such as the percentages of men and women involved in different household tasks and the amount of time spent on each task. The essay also highlights the burden of household work being higher on women compared to men.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide a more detailed analysis of the data presented in the charts. It could also extend the discussion on why certain tasks are more gendered and the implications of these findings in society.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical. The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, but the paragraphing may not always be logical.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring that the connections between sentences are seamless and logical. Work on transitioning between ideas more smoothly to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, but they do not impede communication. The essay effectively conveys the information from the charts, discussing the percentages of men and women involved in different household tasks and the time spent on each task.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy in conveying meaning. Additionally, try to incorporate more sophisticated and natural vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some errors in grammar and punctuation that do not significantly hinder communication. The essay attempts to use a variety of structures, but there are occasional errors present throughout the text.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider range of complex structures with more accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully to catch and correct any errors before submission will help improve the overall score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data illustrates the distribution of household tasks among genders and the daily time allocation for each task in a particular country.

Overall, it is evident that cooking and cleaning are the most prevalent tasks, consuming a significant portion of both males’ and females’ time, while pet care and house repairs hold a smaller share. Additionally, the burden of household responsibilities appears to be higher for women compared to men.

Looking at the first chart, it is apparent that approximately 60% of males are involved in cooking, a lower percentage compared to the roughly 22% of females. Similarly, around 40% of men participate in cleaning tasks, while this figure rises to 62% for females. In contrast, men take on a larger role in pet care and house repairs, with 22% and 18% engagement, respectively.

Shifting focus to the second graph, the time spent on each task corresponds to its percentage. Females spend around 85 minutes daily on cooking and 68 minutes on cleaning, whereas males allocate slightly less time, approximately one hour and 45 minutes. Tasks requiring physical strength and technical knowledge are predominantly handled by men, with their time spent nearly triple that of women. Pet care, on the other hand, shows equal time allocation for both genders.